How to Resist Inner Criticism: 7 Tips from a Psychologist

We each have two inner voices: one caring, the other criticizing. One encourages, the other suppresses, but both have their own important role. The caring person awakens self-compassion and helps to cheer up, while the critic can see where we went wrong and what needs to be corrected.

For most people, the critic is in the lead: scolding, shaming, nagging and looking for flaws almost without interruption. Sometimes he even becomes so strong that it deprives him of a good mood, self-confidence and psychological stability. Fortunately, there are ways to tame it and listen more to the caring voice within you.

1. Observe the critic's behavior

Notice when he downplays your pain, shrugs off your needs or rights. Questioning your hopes and dreams over and over again. How it belittles your achievements: “Oh, anyone would have done it”, “But it worked out not ideal"," Yeah, but what about all those times you screwed up? " Pay attention to such repetitive thoughts and phrases. Listen to the tone of the critic. For some he sounds disappointed, for others he screams.

Having fixed any of the above, tell yourself: "This is self-criticism", "This is the devaluation of my pain", "This is me breaking down on myself." It's like labeling the critic's words and making them less weighty.

2. Think about who your inner critic is like from childhood.

Most likely, you will notice something familiar in your words, tone or attitude towards you. Perhaps your critic is like a parent, older brother or sister, teacher, or coach. Try to distance yourself from him. Understand that you can hear harsh criticisms but not identify with them. Calmly observe the critic. This will muffle his voice and help him not to react to unreasonable comments.

3. Seek Support from a Caring Part of You

Think of the second inner voice that protects and reassures when people around you hurt you or something unpleasant happens in your life. It is your source of confidence and psychological stability. It begins to form in early childhood, when we learn the experience of interacting with those who care for us: parents, teachers, older brothers or sisters. Listen to the caring part of yourself now and contrast it with the critic's voice.

4. Create an imaginary group of defenders

Include those who embody support and wisdom for you. For example, your group may have close friends, a loved one, and even fictional characters like Gandalf or the fairy godmother. The main thing is that you feel that these people would definitely support you. When the inner critic attacks, imagine that the members of the support group are standing behind you.

5. Contrast the critic's words with compelling reasons

Write down a typical internal critic phrase like "You never get anywhere" and some compelling counterarguments such as your own successes and achievements. Prove the groundlessness of his words: "There is some truth in this remark, but it is greatly exaggerated", "This is what X used to tell me, it was unfair then and unfair now." Or just say, "It doesn't help in any way, and I won't listen to it."

Also try to perceive your critic as an unreliable figure. For example, as an awkward cartoon villain. Or as an annoying colleague who is meetings criticizes everything and whose words are not taken seriously.

6. See yourself through the eyes of others

If you are asked to list good people, you will probably immediately think of several people. But we often do not notice our own positive qualities.

Try to look at yourself through someone else's eyes to see your merits. For many, this is difficult. And to some, it even seems something impermissible. But why? If it is natural to recognize other people's advantages, then it is also natural to recognize the good in oneself.

7. Notice your positive qualities

Celebrate your own good deeds and words. Let it be just little things: you tried, you did something well, you showed concern. Call them what an impartial observer would do (“tried very hard,” “was friendly,” “admitted a mistake,” “coped well,” “helped,” “expressed love”).

Gradually, confidence in your own worth will grow and fill you. Refer to her again and again. Remember: despite your ups and downs, you always have a source of calm and strength.