What to do if you broke up, but have to see each other every day

It's good when you can distance yourself from your ex-partner and your ended relationship once and for all. But this becomes impossible if you work or study together, go to the same fitness club, be friends with the same people. It may even seem that the mission is impracticable and, in order not to heal the wounds, it is better for some of you to quit (transfer to another institute, change the hall, interrupt communication with friends). But you can do without it. Relationship experts gave a few tips.

1. Get busy

Try completely to focus on on what you are doing. If you're working with an ex, dive deep into your responsibilities. If you are studying English or painting with the same class, your eyes should be fixed on the textbook or easel. If you decide to go to a mutual friend's birthday party, give all your attention to the birthday person.

First, it’s a completely legal excuse to shut yourself off from your ex - you’re not trying to avoid him, you’re just very busy. And secondly, focusing on business can really help "drive" a person out of your thoughts and not think about how they are looking at you and whether they are too actively flirting with a new colleague.

2. Keep your mouth shut

Do not spread about your relationship and the reasons for the breakup. Don't complain about your ex, even if you think they did something bad to you. Colleagues, classmates and mutual acquaintances will happily pick up this information, will procrastinate and pass on to each other. You will be discussed (such is human nature), and all this talk with gossip will make you think about your ex once again and sprinkle salt on healing wounds.

If people start asking you about a breakup, the best tactic is to say you don't want to discuss the situation and change the subject.

3. Don't flirt

And not only with the ex (this is understandable), but also with common colleagues or acquaintances. After a painful breakup, it may be tempting to call a loved one jealousy or just show him that you live life to the fullest and don't suffer in the least. Photos from violent parties, a change of image and, of course, attempts to start a new relationship or at least create such an appearance are usually used.

But all of this only makes you more attached to your ex. Instead of letting him go, you think about him over and over again, try to predict his reaction to a particular action, worry about how you look in his eyes. In addition, flirting can achieve a goal: a person will become hurt, he will become jealous, unleash a conflict, flirt with someone in spite of you. As a result, you will get bogged down in incomprehensible intrigues and make yourself worse.

4. Get distracted

Take on additional projects at work, sign up for electives at the institute, engage in social activities, find a new one hobby. If before that you still had a loophole for suffering about the former in the middle of working hours, then it will definitely close. Plus, being so busy is likely to have a great impact on your career, academic performance, and overall self-development.

Of course, working overtime and dealing with several projects at once will not work for long, but at least for a while you will be distracted. Maybe this is enough to safely survive the breakup.

5. Find yourself a new company

If you are not shy introvertwho spends all his breaks in the corner with a book, you probably need a social circle. People with whom you go to lunch, chatting in the elevator and near the cooler, go down together in the subway. Perhaps earlier this circle consisted of a former partner and his acquaintances, which means that now it would be better for you to slowly change the company.

Choose colleagues or classmates with whom it would be interesting to communicate, and try to join them. So you, firstly, distance yourself from the former, and secondly, once again distract from thoughts of parting.

It is best if the new company consists of people of the same gender as you, so you will not be tempted to go all out and have a showcase affair.

6. Increase the distance

If you are constantly in the same space with your ex, it will be a little harder to get over the separation. If you can't get him out of sight, it can be difficult to get him out of mind. Research saysFacebook Surveillance of Former Romantic Partners: Associations with PostBreakup Recovery and Personal Growththat people who follow for the accounts of the former in social networks, as a result, they recover longer after the breakup and later return to a full life.

Here the situation is different: you do not contact this person of your own free will - but the mechanism is absolutely the same. Therefore, you can try to distance yourself even when working in the same company.

Ask your manager to change your schedule, temporarily transfer you to another department or branch, send you on a business trip, to work remotely, and so on. From the outside, everything will look quite legitimate: you were simply transferred - what can you do? But at the same time, you will have the opportunity to take a break, collect your thoughts and put your feelings in order.

7. Take a vacation

And try to change the environment. This will help shake things up, distract, gain new impressions. Perhaps this time will be enough to recover a little, after returning to relate to the presence former partner calmer.

8. Listen to yourself

If you realize that working together is excruciating - you are in pain, you are suffering, and you cannot get back to normal - consider switching companies. Yes, it may seem terribly unfair and wrong, but your psychological state is much more important. Finding a new job is sometimes much easier than dealing with your own. feelings.