Why all the best in life obeys an inverted curve

Future US Navy special forces are tested for survival in water. They tie the hands and feet and thrown into the pool depth of 2.7 meters. Their task - to hold out for five minutes. Most cadets can not stand. Some, once in the water, panicked and asked to return them to the land. Others are struggling to stay afloat, but to lose consciousness. Consult those who understand the two paradoxical truths.

Firstly, the more you try to keep your head above water, the more likely to go to the bottom. With hands and feet tied impossible to stay afloat every five minutes. To pass this test, you need to sink to the bottom. Then gently push and give momentum to lift you back up your body. There you inhales some air. And this process must be repeated again and again.

You do not need superhuman strength or endurance. Do not even need to swim ability. Instead, you should not to swim. Rather than resist the physical forces, which under normal circumstances would have killed you, you need to give them at the mercy of - and so save their lives.

Second, the more panicking, the more wasting oxygen. Accordingly, the higher the probability to lose consciousness and drown. This test wraps survival instinct against the participants. The stronger the desire to breathe, the less opportunity. The stronger the desire to live, the greater the chance of dying.

Check not only physical skills cadets as their ability to control their emotions in dangerous situations. The test shows whether the participant to restrain impulses, relax in the face of possible death, if he will risk his life for the service of higher purpose. Such skills are more important than the ability to swim, endurance and ambition. They are more important than the degree to which the school cadet learned and how good he looks in a new suit.

This skill - to relinquish control when I want to control the situation most - one of the most important in life.

He needs everyone, not just the elite Special Forces. We tend to think that the relationship between efforts and the results linearly. That working twice as long, we get twice the results. That is twice as loud shouting their opinions, let us twice to the right.

This never happens almost never. Linear relationships are unique to mechanically repetitive tasks - driving, paperwork, cleaning. In this case, in two hours you get twice the results than one hour. But most of the action in the complicated life. They require adaptation, originality, mental and emotional costs. They are characterized by a curve of diminishing returns.

The more you accumulate, or experience something, the less it brings satisfaction. Money - a classic example. The difference in salary between 20 000 and 40 000 rubles is huge, it changes the way of life. The difference between 120 000 and 140 000 rubles only means that you have in the car is now more comfortable seat heaters. The difference between 127,020,000 and 127,040,000 rubles - this error in the tax return.

Similar happens with friendship. It has one other extremely important. Two other clearly better than one. But here is the addition of ten other there is little that will change your life. And when they were 20, you only difficult to remember names.

The concept of diminishing returns applies to almost all new experiences. For example, how many times a year are visiting their parents in another city? Such impressions first seem very valuable. But the more you their experience, the more reduced their value to you (sorry, Mom).

The same can be said about sex, food, sleep, consumption of alcohol and caffeine, exercise, reading, relaxing, masturbation, video games. All these activities have diminishing returns. The more often you do something of this business, so you get less return. They describe a third type of curve - the curve inverted.

Here, the effort and reward are inversely related. The more effort you exert in order to achieve something, the more you fail. The above test in the water works on this principle. The more you try to stay on the surface, the more likely to go down. The most important goals and experiences in life, too, follow the principle of the inverted curve.

Striving for happiness, we just move away from it. The need for love and understanding prevents us to love and understand ourselves.

Desire positive impression - in itself a negative impression, and the adoption of a negative experience - it is a positive experience. Such a reverse law applies to virtually all aspects of our mental health and relationships.

• The control. The more we strive to control their emotions and impulses, the powerless feel. Conversely, when we accept them, it is easier to direct and to realize them.
• Liberty. The constant pursuit of freedom limits us. But when we are limiting ourselves, choosing something definite in life, we become truly free.
• Happiness. Trying to be happy just upset. Acceptance of failures It helps to become happier.
• Security. Permanent anxiety about security heightens the sense of insecurity. Resigned to the discomfort of the unknown, you will feel calmer.
• Love. The harder we try to force others to accept and love us, the less results. And the less we ourselves love yourself.
• Respect. The more we demand respect from others, the less they will have to respect. The more we ourselves respect of others, the greater will respect us.
• The trust. The more we try to inspire confidence to him, the less we will trust.
• Confidence. The more we want to be sure, the greater worry. And when we accept its flaws, we feel comfortable.
• Change. The desperately we want to change, the more it seems to us that we have something missing. And accepting ourselves, we begin to grow and develop. When we are busy with interesting things to introspection do not have time.
• Meaningfulness. The more we strive to find the target or deeper meaning in life, the more hung up on yourself. Only when we We do something for othersWe live meaningfully.

When it comes to these abstract concepts, our consciousness is likened to a dog chasing its own tail. Only he always escapes. The dog may not realize that she and tail - are one and the same.

Therefore, our goal - to wean the mind to chase their own "tail". Do not run for the sense of freedom and happiness. Teach reach its desired, abandoning it. Remind yourself that the only way to stay on the surface - let yourself go to the bottom.

To do this, you need to give up. Not from weakness, but out of respect for the fact that the world is your power. Let go of what is not amenable to control. Accept that sometimes you do not like people, often you will have to wait for failure and you will not always understand what you are doing at all.

Take the fear and uncertainty, and when you feel that you are drowning and have reached the bottom, they will push you back to the rescue.

see also

• Simple efforts that will change your life for the better →
• How not to let fear stop you from success to achieve their goals →
• 2 words that prevent you to change lives for the better →