50 bad advice for resume

He wrote you a HR-director of the not Google, that is not Facebook, not the Microsoft, not Apple and even Oracle, as can be, and not HR-director. These tips are written in secret by recruiters, as they are able to destroy their vile corporate world, where they drink coffee, open our summary and a long, long laugh at them, and then immediately sent to the basket, that no one knows how many good people want to get them into the company. Themes and earn a living.

1. Make a photo with a pink pony

Now nobody will be surprised usual photo in a shirt on a white or gray background.

Think of the original idea. Here's a few examples:

• Photos from the mother - will immediately understand that you have a reliable rear, and someone will wake up for work.
• Photo on the beach - you good money, you can afford a vacation, you have to pay good wages.
• Photos from the prom - you have a higher education.
• Photo with someone, cropped under the "passport" option - let the recruiter is now scratching their heads, whom did you cut it.
• Photo with pink pony - you have the imagination and creative approach.

2. Write summary in 10 pages

Weaklings quickly deflate and resume doing only two pages. Show me what you strong personality, capable of 10 pages to describe your experience as an office manager. If there are no ideas, just copy a piece of text from the book "Anna Karenina", still no one reads that after the first page there, but the impression of thorough you leave.

Alternatively, resume translate into different languages ​​and paste into a single file. Make wider margins, double-spaced, 16-th font size. Improvise! Express Yourself! Implements!

3. Do not tell referees phones

Make a list of your referees without their phones, let the recruiter to be smart and find their own contacts. Otherwise, for which he receives a salary?

4. Do not forget the exact home address

Write your email address with the number of houses, apartments, porch and entrance code. Write floor room and just in case the neighbors names. Do not let the god sits in a recruiter phone and he will go personally to invite you to interviewAnd you did not give clear instructions where to find you. As a backup, specify the address grandmother, suddenly you're at it eat cakes?

5. Mention zodiac sign

This is sure to specify. You know that not all of the zodiac signs are compatible with each other and each normal recruiter is simply obliged to check your compatibility with the boss and the staff. In any case, copy it to resume its forecast for next year, suddenly there you have planned achievements, let the recruiter will see what benefits you can bring to the company.

6. Put a password on the file

Put a password on the file, and the password to be mentioned in the letter, it is possible, even in the form of a rebus. The recruiter will evaluate how you care about privacy.

7. archived

Why would occupy too much space in the mail recruiter? What if there are only a 5k he had left? Good file archiver to help you. Recommend EXE format - in case the recruiter does not know how to use the archiver (and they are all there because stupid, right?).

8. Keep in ODT format

Show me what you do not use pirated office suite to save files in the format of free Open Office. And suddenly in the company of a recruiter, too nepiratsky software, and licensing "office" does not yet have the money?

9. Copy to resume job description

Hey, why do you do to tighten, if the smart people for a long time everything written in your job description? Just copy. A recruiter is useful: what if he has no job description for that position for which you are looking for? And here's your invaluable help arrived in time!

10. Translated into English in Google Translate

You know that now in high demand specialists with knowledge foreign language. Recruiters do something, I suppose, do not understand English, but seeing your resume, they want exactly invite for an interview and certainly will not check the knowledge of a foreign language.

11. Use abbreviations and slang

Show that you're a real pro. ROI, EBIDTA, PPC, "fish" KPI "form P2" and other buzzwords give your resume businesslike and show your skill in their profession!

12. Privri

Who are interested in your experience of the manager? Immediately write "director". If you write the figures - Attributed to another toe.

13. Boldly stood out in the summary of all important

Italics, bold face, underline, font color, increased size, CAPS LOCK - your true friends in the selection of important information.

14. Images, infographics and background fill will add luster

Are you sure you creative person, and do not be confused by an accountant - let CV shine with all the colors of the rainbow. After all, fashion is now so.

15. Down Arial and Calibri!

Your Word knows more than 30 fonts, so why use a standard? Resume in manuscript form looks just fine and pleases your eye! So why deny this pleasure recruiter? Let us choose the font more interesting.

16. More formulaic phrases

"Customer focus", "team player", "communicate", "high resistance to stress" - recruiters simply adore these phrases. They are happy to see them in every summaryBecause it creates a sense of stability in their nervous work. More, more, even more formulaic phrases. When you do not use stereotyped phrases somewhere lonely cries recruiter.

17. Specify all the reasons for dismissal

For each job, write a reason for leaving. Let the recruiter sees that it is not you kicked out, and you threw it worthless employer who did not appreciate your great talent!

18. Tablets, many tablets

Everyone can make a weakling resume in Word. But only a real pro can encapsulate it in a plate! So that there is a Word? Immediately do in Excel! Financiers and accountants are different certainly appreciate!

19. Describe all kin

"Married, have a daughter" - this can not be surprised. A census of their loved ones and do not forget pets. Let the recruiter sees that you're a person with a good pedigree.

20. Encrypt the company name, the name of the Encrypt, encrypt it!

Do not write where you work. Recruiter definitely begin to call your boss and knock you. Yes, and the name certainly is better to take away. Think about it, on what grounds can be easily calculated even you, and good to note the following.

21. Describe the purpose of properly

Remember this phrase and do not tell anyone. It acts on the deadly recruiters, as they see that you care about the interests of the company and you want to give everything to the maximum benefit of it.

Write resume at the beginning of large print (just take at least the 20th), the word "purpose" (yes, that CAPS LOCK), and then my super-secret phrase (and do not forget a file recovery record, suddenly resume gets to the network!). Thus, the phrase:

To realize their potential for the benefit of the company, to find an interesting, well-paid job in a decent team.

22. Apply your scan diploma

I wrote recently, as a member of bedrooms, forged her diploma. So, out with it immediately scan the diploma, even boldly checked, because you have something he's real! And the app with estimates do not forget. I would also recommend the title of the thesis with the rector's signature to apply.

23. Turn off spell check

When you dial a resume (or rather, copy of the job description or the Internet) Turn off spell check. 100% sure that there will be at least one word, the unknown Word, which he basely emphasize red. Disables spell checking to resume looks perfect!

24. Encrypt message in the file name

Firstly, only the Cyrillic alphabet. She looks so funny, when converted into different funny symbols.

Secondly, make a long name. Let the recruiter has the name the file will understand who you are and what is the.

Third, the more gaps. No "_" and other aggregates of empty seats.

Fourth, rambling text will make the recruiter look inside and solve your mysterious message.

25. Cover letter - your last chance

You know what recruiters are lazy now gone? Some even do not open, and resume once they are removed. They say even a sect recruiters-removers. Secretly capture large corporations and remove the summary of all the applicants. And you thought (and) why they do not call ?!

Therefore, the text of the summary safely copied to the text of the letter - now they are just your eyes dastardly not going anywhere, and at least a couple of lines of your resume read!

26. Read receipts

Behind them keep an eye. Sending a resume and watch how quickly comes a read receipt. Did not come? Similarly resume into the hands of this sect and has already sent to the basket! Look for detours.

27. go around the recruiter

Saw (a) an interesting job? Fine! Do not rush to send resume to recruiter dirty paws. Look for a company director, but better - the owner.

Send resume to someone who can really there to make decisions, not these girls-secretaries, who are not able to estimate your potential.

What? Soviets are not 50? Remember tip number 12. And good luck in your search!