Julia Hill
Psychologist, A member of Professional Psychotherapeutic League, blogger.
Is it true that men do not cry? And can fill up a mammoth and bend rails with his bare hands? And still be able to wool and the Wolf likes women. And more ...
Questions to the men so much that they do not know the answers to them. And in the search for the truth go to the training sessions, where leading varying degrees of charisma are taught how to become a "real man" in just three days. The successful outcome is considered to be the ability to give the offender in the eye and bring a woman to orgasm smile and smell of cologne.
Few warns that any transformation of consciousness must take place smoothly. To do this, for example, people go through psychotherapy. For a long time, sometimes more than a year digging in itself.
When a person violently taken away for three days, all the things that he saved for years (if not entirely effective, but working), but instead provide fresh, undigested plant for the psyche it can become a real catastrophe.
As if you are all my life eaten for breakfast semolina without lumps, and then you have submitted the raw roots and said: "Now they gnaw every morning in their energy of the Earth."
In general, the effects can really bring to tears even the most brutal "alpha male."
sexism
Virtually all the training for "real men" are based on Domostroi. A woman is considered to be a creature of a lower order, and a man - a phallic deity. Proper male persuasion, according to coach Alex Leslie, reads as follows: "Women - is to be a slave and obey, and men - is to be dominant."
"A real man" should be male. A male must be tricky to find a woman weaknesses, enhance its relevance and at the most unexpected moment for the victim hit her right in the heart.
Coach Paul Rakov (by the way, and he leads women's training) He speaksPaul Rakov reveals the secret of male training "Armageddon"That in the course of his "Armageddon" teaching to bring women to orgasm eyes. The woman referred to as an inanimate object, spineless, boneless, always ready to copulate, and does not require anything in return.
As a rule, the training comes a man experiencing a life crisis. They feel that they can not handle themselves, and seek support from. By adopting such beliefs on faith, you can be doomed to chronic problems in the relationship. And at best, and at worst - to depression.
If there exists a woman in need of a relationship with a "male", is to keep the power, man will have to go all out to prove his masculinity.
After beating with feet and be able to spit on all enough to always be a "real man."
Today, the society recognized the importance of the individual, not the floor. Sexist beliefs make a man an outcast among the educated progressive people. A healthy relationship is important to be mentally flexible and intelligently manage their masculine and feminine qualities.
neuroticism
The fact that being an independent man teaches another man, but "higher grade" - a paradox. Of course, you can dig in psychoanalysis and to see a coach father figure that establishes law and order.
In many training structure is as follows: given a hard image of "real men" and mandatory assignment. That is "strong and independent" man proposes to be obedient the boy to take the lowest place in the hierarchy, and meekly follow orders hoping to avoid punishment and gain praise.
This is a classic double bind. For the first time the double letters began in 1956, an American psychiatrist Gregory Bateson in the book "Ecology of Mind." He studied a family with children, patients with schizophrenia and found that the basis of communication in such families - mutually contradictory instructions. Double bind - a situation where a significant sacrifice for man imputes to her duty, which is due to the contradiction can not be executed. At the same time the impossibility of performance did not sacrifice frees from punishment.
The situation double bind human pushes the corner forms the internal conflict and subsequently lead to the development neurosis. Men attending trainings, is under pressure, he has accumulated dissatisfaction.
Bateson said: "The double bind - it is a struggle over the question of whose ego will be destroyed." Neither physical nor mental health it does not add.
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maladjustment
The risk of developing a new life on Monday? It would seem, I went to training and woke up another man. But the mind of each is unique and develops including a set of defense mechanisms that we learn from experience.
In this protection, there is a clear and important function - to help us adapt to the world around them and not get crazy. Throughout life we are faced with new demands on themselves, and not always our habitual behavior helps to cope with unpleasant feelings. We hear "you must", but did not know what to do, and because of this nervous, lose confidence, feel helpless, afraid of losing respect.
Defense mechanisms to help cope with anxiety. They do not always contribute to the development, sometimes even hinder it, but stand on the protection of our ego.
The trainings psychological defense is opened, and in its place or remains empty, or there are other, destructive mechanisms.
For example, people have always believed that aggression - This is bad. And replace it inappropriate for him on the quality of compliance and non-conflict. Or sublimated (ie filming the internal stress socially approved ways): painted with oil or watched the criminal chronicle. And the training turned out that he was "a weakling and a rag," that "a real man" should not be obedient.
Man reported: "Dude, are you?! Displace hostility -. It is bad " But to teach how to express aggression correctly, and to consolidate this new skill did not have time. Or did not want.
If a person has left enough alternative ways of behavior, it becomes very vulnerable, up to the loss of self-identity, that is feeling. In place of emptiness come destructive defense mechanisms: somatization of anxiety (body disease) or emotional discharge due to the bright displays of affection. The latter mechanism - a basis of development of dependence on alcohol and drugs, as well as aggression and suicide attempts.
Any change in the established belief should be gradual, in the office of a therapist, and not during the spontaneous assembly in the auditorium. Even if it is called training.
disability
No, it's not about the physical injuries. Although the Internet is historyHe survived in the "Spartan conditions": an attempt to "change themselves" ended for the man's death how training for the "real men" turned out to be the lastTraining "Sparta" maim in life.
It's about loss of functionality. How does this happen? Confident, relying solely on his opinion a man on the training is unlikely to go. Well, except for the sake of curiosity.
At such events people come with a faltering self-identity and the question "Who am I, indeed, am?", With anxiety and fear of the unknown.
Instead of working on the formation of trust in yourself, self-acceptance, on finding internal guidelines, a person receives instructions executing that feels its importance and even received praise.
Men with injuries rejection Experience lived relationship in which a person disliked, rejected, betrayed. it's very nice, but this approach creates dependence on the coach. The man continues to live with the support not to themselves, but to external funds. He gets used in all rely on the coach or his philosophy, and can not make decisions for yourself. He did not have to strain all the smart people have thought for him. This is called a disability.
Psychological trauma
Some participants say trainingNegative reviews about Sparta trainingThat they have to face the humiliating tests, during which they experience a great sense of shame at his own weakness. The author of "Armageddon" Paul Rakov says that "70% of the training - this is a war", and tellsMale Training Paul Rakov. Forge real men!That there were cases when people are "running away from fear", and some even "written." Sometimes it comes to real threats and"Sparta" - reviews physical violence against those who dare to tell the truth about the "examination of masculinity."
Thus, participation in training - stress, deeply emotional film effects - causes significant harm to mental health. The most traumatic event for the psyche - is the threat of the death of the man himself and his family, but no less harm composure inflicts humiliation experience, fear and helplessness.
The psyche of each person is unique. Someone to death and not to frighten, and someone leaves the ground from under the feet of the fact that he could not be wrung from the floor along with other participants.
In the category of people most vulnerable to psychological trauma, just get those men who come to training, not feeling confidence. They may be formed, gallant, intelligent and talented, but they lack the strength of mind and psychology of security.
The consequences of such "transformations in man" appear in a couple of weeks. Man falls into a feeling of total defeat, is imprinted in the consciousness of the belief "I'm a loser." The results may be different: the deterioration of health, apathy, refusal to follow the norms of social life, aggressiveness and irritability, problems in sexual life, alcoholism.
codependency
Training Hierarchy draws participant in the so-called triangle Karpman - model codependent behavior described by the American psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. it exists three roles: victim, the aggressor and the rescuer.
Victim is a visitor of the training and the trainer acts as an aggressor or rescuers.
Drama Triangle Karpman dangerous scenario fixing "Victim - Aggressor - Rescue", which underlies destructive co-dependent relationship. In this scenario, none of the parties does not experience happiness: Victim spends force to resentment and discontent life aggressor - to experience anger and Rescue - out to revive the victim after the next scrape.
For participants codependent relationship is characterized by:
- unruly, defiant behavior;
- desire to humiliate the other, make him a sense of shame;
- blaming others for their own problems;
- hanging on other labels (remember "you buck!" or "rag you!");
- habit to break off contact abruptly in the midst of a conflict situation;
- suppress their own feelings;
- competition for power, the desire to solve conflicts on the basis of winning one and losing the other;
- use of money, sex or guilt as leverage to control the other person.
With the triangle Karpman any of us faces every day: we ourselves or someone from the familiar criticism of other (aggressor), gives advice (Lifeguard) or complains about the unfairness of (victim). When such cooperation becomes a habit, it leads to a kind of dependence in relationships with other people.
How does this happen? Each of us has its own psychological needs: someone feels insecure and draws self-respect outside, someone needs to be fit, to "save" someone asserts itself at the expense of humiliating others. Thus, we hold certain role in the relationship.
In the case of training, the participants in need of a mentor, may become dependent on the host, which appears to the carrier of knowledge, bestowing prosperity.
To protect themselves from participating in this "game", you must take the position of the observer. It is useful to look at the situation from the outside, and ask yourself the questions: "What a person achieves when provoked my emotions? "," Does it happen in my will or against my will? "," This is my own role or imposed?".
None of us are perfect, and the need to be better for everyone is quite natural. But if you really care about your mental comfort and want to develop better find a good therapist. Not for three days, or even three months, but it will help you feel like a real, alive. Support you as long as you steer awkwardly, and then falling into the pit.
Not necessarily this way will lead you into a colorful, alluring lights of the "inner New York." It may well be that you will arrive at a small, but their inner town exactly where you warm and cozy.
Easy ways to self-development just does not happen. Send this text to the social networks to fewer people spending money in vain and spoiled your life, trusting dubious advice of another guru.
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