How popular recipes of family happiness destroy relationships

In the XXI century, relations are perceived quite differently than the 100 or 200 years ago. The family is increasingly seen as a partnership, in which people are made in good faith, but not because of that alone would not survive. Therefore, some tips that are presented as a time-tested, is not working.

1. Be wise, just keep silent

Silence is proposed to solve conflicts if the differences do not give escalate into a fight, they like as not. But it's like a game of hide and seek with baby: he closes his eyes with his hands and thinks no one can see it. Only here you are told to shut my mouth and believe that the conflict had disappeared.

If the problem is not worth a damn, this method will work: you just forget about the incident and will live on. But if the subject of the dispute is set just a little, you will repeatedly return to it - at least in his mind. You keep silent, but will resolve the problem: many uncertainties remain, you do not know the opinion of the second party and will not be able to convey to her the position.

You may find it a shame that the partner does not appreciate your sacrifice wise silence, but he just does not know about it.

Negative emotions will accumulate, especially if the situation repeats itself, and once welling out. You may have vented his anger on the innocent - children, parents and colleagues. So from this strategy more problems than good.

2. Keep silent and make their own way

This is a variation of the previous council, which strikes is not for you and for your partner. You just sabotaging his opinion, rather than to discuss the issue and to exchange arguments. Indeed, those who are interested, there is thinking person with whom you have created family. He just do not what does not understand why listen to him?

The truth sooner or later, open and fair partner feels cheated. This is not conducive to building a harmonious relationship.

Of course, we are talking about important things that affect the whole family. If you ask which is better in color pants, and in the end choose not to those who advise you to - please. But silence buy a ticket to Tunisia, if the partner said, "Not in Africa," it is not necessary.

3. Push to the right solution

Many believe manipulating an integral part of the relationship. And sometimes this "wisdom", transmitted from generation to generation, there are prerequisites.

For example, in the traditional patriarchal family view woman is not perceived as significant. Therefore, she was the only lever of influence - manipulation. And only such a man to think that he had decided on their own, otherwise it could end badly for her. Hence the phrase "husband - the head of the wife - neck: where he wants, and will turn back."

Now the distribution of power is shifting, but people are still using manipulation. For example:

• Give sham elections, pointing to the cost-effective solution: "We will go to your stupid football and finally choose the entertainment is not for idiots and go to the opera?"
• Catch the moment of vulnerability - after sex or intoxicated, - and then forced to perform the promise.
• Impose a sense of guilt, then to use it for their own purposes: "If you were good mother, It would have remained with the children, and did not go to work. "
• Exposure via compliments: "You are so cool wash bowls, and absolutely nothing is impossible to me. Come on you will always be doing this? "
• Put an ultimatum: "If you do not do this, I will file for divorce."

Alas, not all are able to interact in a different way, so take it for granted manipulation.

Really difficult to negotiate. We need to argue, persuade, negotiate, perhaps quarreling. But in the long run, this approach brings together, because you are together, and decided to push responsibility for it will not succeed.

4. Do not show deficiencies demonstrates only the best hand

The main heroine of the series "Amazing Mrs Meisel"I wake up before her husband, to have time to apply makeup and put hair and then pretend that it is by nature so well. There it served as a comic moment, but still in the media sometimes slip such advice.

Here you can add the recommendation to have sex in clothes, if the figure has flaws, adjust their interests under the partner's tastes and always be in a good mood. If you are lucky, it will lie until his death.

So do yourself and expect the same from a partner at least illogical. Such deception - especially if the person is going to restrain its nature only in the early years - prevents adequately assess their choices and find someone suitable.

Concerning appearanceHere, too, in the ideal game you do not have on hand. If you really want to live together for many years, be prepared together to get sick, grow old and, perhaps one day changing diapers each other. Accept that you are alive.

And if you need someone perfect and always in a good mood, borrow a movie theater cardboard growth figures favorite actor or actress.

5. Why are you doing it? This is not a male / female occupation is not

It's simple: if for some classes do not need genitals, it is common. Here it works half the socialist slogan, "From each according to his ability."

For example, it is obvious that the average man is physically stronger than the average woman, and heavy bags probably will get him. But the athlete-lifter lift more than 50kg lover lie on the couch. And if the man suffered abdominal operation, it is nothing at all you can not lift heavy.

Most of the homework does not require any special knowledge and skills: wash dishes, drive a nail and a screw in a light bulb can be anyone. And justice (including the rest of the employment) segregation of duties makes the partners in a relationship are happierCCF PRESS ADVISORY: It Got Better! Data show gender revolution's benefits to families - and both. But unless advisers enforcers gender stereotypes, it is important?

6. Do not wash dirty linen in public

ABOUT some things really better not to tell. If you can cope with differences on their own, there is no need to drag in the domestic foreign conflicts.

But serious problems that advice can be harmful. It first of all cases of domestic violence - physical, psychological and economic. The victim can rarely escape without help, because she had nowhere and nothing to go, she is constantly exposed to the negative impact and does not believe in their own strength. A person can not adequately analyze the situation, as the abuser builds around it a very different reality, where the norm is shifting.

And often the advice is not to wash dirty linen in public is not given in order to salvage the relationship (it does not help). It employs a set of prejudices, "what people think", "do not need to destroy the family", "you have the same kids." But silly mask cracks on the facade, when the foundation is destroyed.

7. Puncture a condom! He / she then love child

It seems that there is no need to explain anything: game in its purest form. But reproductive violence are not uncommon from both sexes, and the goal is always the same: to bind to a partner.

That's just the attitude of society to this, depending on the floor will be a little different. When the female pierces the condom, it is more "bitch who wants to sit on the neck of your partner." When does that man - he is "just loves and wants children to enjoy the same right."

So, whoever is trying to trick cause pregnancy, a good word it will not name. It's awful, even if the injured party would never know what had happened. To have a child - serious decisionWhich should be voluntary and informed. After all, how much steam is ready for it, depends on the welfare of the new man.

Children do not always make their parents happy, and do not guarantee that their relationship will become stronger. On the contrary, the birth of a child reducesWhen three's not the charm: How to manage the higher risk of divorce when baby comes along satisfaction with marriage. This is due to including the fact that the pair directs all the attention is not on top of each other, and on the child. If you already have a relationship problem - and they are, or in the head would not come to pierce condoms - then destroy them much easier.

8. You get what you deserve, do not complain and live with it

Belief in a just world - a protective mechanism psyche. Because of him, it seems that if a person happens something bad, he deserves it. And those who behave "correctly", never get into a bad situation. Indeed, if all the time to think about that every minute with you can happen any trouble for no reason at all, can be seriously damaged mind.

It is the belief in a just world related human tendency to blame the victims. However, victims of violence are not always dressed provocativelyArt Exhibit Powerfully Answers The Question 'What Were You Wearing?' (Although no outfit does not give the right to violence), in a traffic accident killed not only reckless, and die from diseases tiny babies who still could not hurt anyone, even in thought.

So, no, people do not always get what they deserve. And not always in the beginning of a relationship can understand with whom meet. There are several reasons:

• Many very long show partner his show version (see. item 4).
• You may encounter family rapistAnd this is a typical mechanism of action - to be good, while the victim will not be firmly attached to it. For this, he tramples her self-esteem, destroys social bonds, to no one to ask for help, and rolls the victim to "emotional swing."
• People change. And not always for the better.

If it's bad relations with it in any case should not be tolerated - reanimate them or tear.

9. Anything but not divorce

Fans of cheap popular perception of antiquity often refer to the fact that the earlier people lived in marriage for fifty years and never parted. But long-term relationship does not mean happy. At different times the couples had their own reasons to continue to live together: the lack of institution divorce and inheritance rights, inability to get an education and to work, the total mortgage for 30 years.

And indeed, happiness in the Russian mentality - minor matters. That there is a whole life to suffer?

The cracks in the relationship are different. When the plaster has fallen off slightly from the facade - it costs nothing to patch up, but only the common efforts: one is powerless. That is exactly what you should do if you are both set to "happily ever after."

If everything is falling apart in front of, and dissatisfaction with each other grows, perhaps a divorce - not such a bad idea. And the best time to jump out of the collapsing house before the roof falls on your head, and you will hate one another. This is especially important if you have a child: it is better to disperse peacefully and to maintain a normal relationship than to arrange a war in which children necessarily touches the blast.

More recently decried divorce and separation was perceived as the collapse of all hope. But marriage, filled with mutual reproaches, resentment and hatred, much worse.

Harmonious relationship built on mutual respect, care and love. They have no place lies and manipulation. Share this text to convey this simple idea to his friends.