"He went after me with a hammer and repeated that strikes the head": 3 stories about life with abyuzerom

Almost 900 000 people have already signed petition with the requirement to adopt a law on prevention of domestic violence. So loudly and clearly about the problem of talking without reason: according toViolence against women The World Health Organization, one in three women worldwide experience physical or sexual violence by a partner. Usually, the victims are afraid to talk about what happened, but we managed to find three girls who shared their stories. They told me when I first met abyuzera that have survived over the years of living together, and why the latter did not dare to go.

The names of the heroes of the publication changed.

Anna Razumova

"Love does not appear, but there was an attachment"

Maxim and I went to the same university, but in different departments. When first met, I was already in a relationship, so that there is no continuation followed. At some point, I broke up with a young man: it turned out that he was taking drugs through a syringe and caught hepatitis. I grieved

gapAnd at this moment the future husband was always there. I was touched that he cares about me, supports and buys sweets, while in the 90 to get them was not so easy.

I can not say I was in love, but wanted to be near a person on whom I can rely. Sometimes I noticed that he was behaving rather strangely trying to manipulate me seeks to control, capricious. However, I tried not to pay attention to this: I think that over time, immature leaves, he matured, and all will be adjusted.

When we moved in together, I tried to emancipate. It seemed to me that I can go with a friend to the club and does not ask for permission, and Maxim took my desires and painful thought otherwise. Several times before leaving, I became witness to an attempt to commit suicide: cut the veins, swallow tablets, jump out the window. Girlfriend shouted: "He's been hanging out, promise him anything." I perceive this situation as a manipulative tricks and tried not to react.

Once friends invited me to visit. The company turned out to be friends of my young man, but for some reason, was not invited. We spent time absolutely decently: watched a movie and went. This episode I happily forgotten - and for good reason.

"There is no happiness, but there is worse"

In the 20 years I pregnantAnd we were married - other options, I just have not seen. I was glad that I would be a mother, and at first we were totally relaxed. From time to time we quarrel because of my desire to be free in making decisions: still I felt that I can to dispose of them.

Even before the wedding, we agreed that I would leave my sonorous maiden name. Max agreed, but then once per six months hosted scandal. It started with little things, and then he drives up and shouted: "You do not respect me, you have all the names of other! Go away and do not come back until it will not change! "

I am a calm person, so always tried to smooth over everything: really went, spent the night with relatives or friends, come back, and we pretend that everything is forgotten. I have for a long time thought it was a normal relationship. It seemed that everything's okay: good family, great kid, he is a good father, who earns well. There is no happiness, but there is even worse.

Physically, Maxim had not worked on me: before the wedding, I said, that will not tolerate such an attitude. he could sometimes come and bring his fist over my head with a disfigured face with anger, but did not hit. However, it was still very scary.

Frankly, already worth thinking, but I felt that the time does not beat and do not drink, we have a happy family, and my feelings - just a whim.

"I need to pick up the child"

Two years after the first child is born husband votserkovit - became an active member of the community, to unlearn ringer and began to spend a lot of time in the temple. Since then, his behavior has leveled off and on for five years remained stable. I had forgotten what a hysterical outbreak, intentional damage to things dear to me and constant reprimands.

After the first baby we wanted a second, but we have a long time did not work - we were not protected, and just hoped. The pain brought us together: husband stopped play on emotions and even occasionally gave flowers and gifts to please me. At one point, Max offered to take the child from the orphanage, I agreed and went to find out what steps you need to go through to realize our plans.

We found the girl, but when the process of registration of documents came to the final, I got pregnant. We rejected the idea of ​​adoption, and suddenly had a miscarriage. Then we decided to still take the child from the orphanage, but I was back in position. This time I was sure that past failures may be due to our rejection of the foster child, so now the girl definitely need to pick up.

When before the trial was only for three days, my husband took a serious conversation. Maxim turned it this way, if I really want to take the child from the orphanage, and he agrees, because it is important for me. But he spoke about it first! It was very difficult argueBecause I spent so much effort to bring the process to the court. In addition, the second failure in the eyes of the guardianship would look very strange.

I understand that I can say, "Thank you, my dear!" And simply complete the dialogue, but then I would be constantly confronted with reproaches from the category: "You wanted it, that's your choice "Wiping the tears, I told my husband that the decision we have to take together: either both want to take the child, or all stop. In the end I made answer: "Yes, I want to, let's do it." Six months after adoption, our son was born, two years later the twins, and then the sixth child.

"I was wound on the scene with a baby under his arm"

Before the advent of the second child, I continued to work, so I had to ask her husband's money on all sorts of stuff. I addressed only in moments of major acquisitions, and each time heard joking reproach from the category: "Ah, here I earn, and you're just wasting." When children become more the same phrase he began to say crudely, although financial problems, we did not. Thus the husband brought me a sense of guilt, which made itself felt for many years: I am on the whole economy, not even looking at the jewelry and tried to get dressed in something gray, unattractive and balahonistoe.

Even with six children, I have always tried to have their own money, so moonlighted as a private tutor. Husband always told at this time that insanely tired at work and spends countless nerves. To get rid of feelings of guilt towards him and help, I began to take on more responsibilities: we chose a new apartment, insisted on purchases made repairs, Equipped with furniture. The husband came after work, I lay down on the sofa and rested, and I was wound on the scene with a baby under his arm and feel obliged to.

The last five years of marriage, I spent like a downtrodden horse, because it had taken on a lot of things yourself.

At one point, I clearly realized that I do not want to live with the person until his death. I decided that in ten years, when the children grow up, divorce.

"He left and did not sleep for two weeks at home"

Decisive scandal came when I went to the reunion. We agreed that we would come home nurse and put the kids, and I'm not coming back very late. The next day, my husband announced that I should not communicate with any of the men who attended the meeting. First I would like to agree, because still do not see these guys another million years, but then I realized that there is something wrong. I was silent, and my husband pushed me and ran the plate. It was the first time Maxim has applied physical force.

After that, her husband left two weeks did not sleep at home. All this time we corresponded for WhatsApp and I asked when he would return, because the children have experienced. He answered the same thing: "I'll be back when you promise that you will not communicate with their classmates, boys." Later it turned out that the trigger was the situation that occurred while studying: is the case when I went to the apartment, and it was not invited.

While her husband was not, I realized that I feel much better.

It became easier get enough sleep six hours, although I did not have nine, stopped hurting head and cheer up. When Max returned, he said that moving out and will rent an apartment, because I was not listening. Supposedly my fault that the family will be left without a father. Then I said sarcastically as she can go, because I was sure that with six children, he will not last long. He agreed and I moved. Lucky that on the floor below us was the second apartment.

"He went after me with a hammer"

Two months later, we decided we wanted to try their luck again, and I came back. From that moment all hell broke loose. Maxim threw me on the bed, choked and said that the children will be orphaned because of me: I make him jealous. There were moments when he went after me with a hammer and repeated that strikes the head or wringing his hands. After all this, I finally realized that it is better not to be, once again moved out and invited us to go together to the psychologist. We held six meetings at which started to talk constructively, and then interrupted the work by the husband.

We continue to live together, but separately until now. Children can come to me at any time, and I appear in the apartment on the floor above, when the husband at work. If we happened to cross, Maksim right in front of the children says that I do not live here anymore, and throws me. Despite the inconvenience, three weeks later, I noticed that at a distance feel much better passed migraine and nervous tic, began to leave the extra weight.

The only problem is that her husband forbids kissing children at night, and I used to do it always.

However, you can put up with this nuance.

"It is important to listen to your body and emotions"

We lived together for 20 years. On divorce not yet filed, because we have to come to an agreement on the division of property and choice of place of residence of children. We were advised to turn to a mediator - a man who in case of divorce helps people negotiate. He directs the conversation back on track and trying to convey the position of each without undue emotion. As a result, Maxim and decided that the children would live in the same apartment is now, and we will come to them week after week, that is changing. The agreement already signed by a notary and will soon be accepted by the court.

The family is very important to listen to your body and emotions. If it seems that the relationship uncomfortable, talk openly about it with someone competent, such as a psychologist. I am a long time could not accept that a person can be subjected to the words. I thought that I was not a victim of violence, although always felt uncomfortable.

At one point, I helped an electronic diary, I wrote myself a letter, and the voice of them the most unpleasant moments. It just so happened that the negativity is erased from memory, and messages help to remember what is happening and sober look at things. Now I certainly do not forget their past. The story that I experienced, helped me to become the one who I am.

Marina Solovyova

"I tried to be perfect in everything"

My first marriage ended in divorce. This relationship was stable, but lacked the drive: it was all too easy and commonplace. I wanted something different, so I became acquainted with different men, but all these links does not end there. Then a colleague decided to set me up with his old friend Roma - he, too, had no luck with relationships.

I'm not in love at first sight: he looks I did not like. However, I decided that I should try something new and maybe everything will turn out. Roma immediately call quality, which must comply with his girlfriend: the perfect hostess, which prepares delicious food, maintains impeccable cleanliness in the house and is subject in all - to go somewhere it was without his knowledge it is impossible. Also, I did not have to communicate with any of the men. Unbeknownst to me, he looked correspondence, and in good time told me that I must break the connection with old friends and classmates, if you want to be with him. At the same time, questions about his daily meetings took the form of scandals: as soon as I wondered where he was, back splashes aggression.

courtship period, we did not. I just tried to be perfect in everything and meet their expectations.

One had the feeling that every day I rent some exam.

We met only when convenient to him, even though at that time I already had a child from her first marriage and to break at any moment did not work. When I visited, Roma went on business and asked to cook his dinner, though it was strange for me a house and a totally unfamiliar environment.

"I was to blame only"

Just two months after they met, we started living together. I felt that things are going wrong: everything seems stable, but in communication constantly increasing voltage. In addition, I started to move away from the family, although we have always had very warm relations. On general measures, he provoked a quarrel between my family and did not consider it shameful to say that some of them fat, ugly, or not enough to dress stylishly. When I made the remark in response I received: "And so what? I'm telling the truth! "In the evening, after such objections at home waiting for me to be sure to scandal.

I remained guilty in every conflict, and I always had to apologize. Roma said I was the same as all the girls: do not appreciate a good attitude, but as soon as there is the slightest inconvenience, start brawling. I did not want to fit that description, so I caved in and did everything the way he wants. feeling guilt inculcated from the first day.

One Roma so razosholsya that hit the wall behind me, leaving a huge hole in the drywall. It is slightly smeared their foam and said that the special does not make repairs.

Holes - a reminder that the next time, if I do not stop to provoke him, in place of the wall would be my head.

The same tensions he had with my son from his first marriage. Two weeks later, after we have gathered, Roma raised his hand: so he punished three years of the child not been wiped out over the water in the toilet. I fell down and said we are leaving, but Roma got on his knees and promised that nothing like this will not happen again. I believe, but three weeks later, he yelled at her son so much that he urinated from fear. I closed my eyes to it, because in fact there was no beating. Besides, I thought that the house must be strict hand - and for the boy it's probably a good thing.

After the explosion, there was always a lull. He rowed a couple of days of silence, and then began a period of euphoria: Roma became the perfect husband and father. First a wonderful time lasted for several months, and then began to decline segments.

"I did Presents itself"

I tried to correct the Roma in many different ways. Even I sympathized with him, deeply wounded from childhood: parents beaten and had no friends. He seemed so unhappy, and I - a princess who will save it.

A year after the start of the Roma has offered to marry. Throughout the celebration, I felt awkward: it seemed that everything I arranged our wedding and does not satisfy anyone, including me. Holiday pay for my dad, but then my husband used to say, he did it all himself. The same thing happened when he gave me gifts. Most often, we launched, I did itself: Roma proudly touted jewelry or boots, and a few days later I took about the same amount that went to buy. Money, of course, did not come back.

Then he began to raise his hand to me. Once beaten so badly that I went all summer almost in the burqa to hide the bruises. When it happened, I packed up and decided to move out, but Roma turned again in silk and man began influence me through the son begged that he asked me to stay, because a number of school, his friends and more more. Husband crawled on his knees, and in parallel with this on my child pressed. Under their influence, I agreed, and we continued to live together.

I am a long time did not tell anyone that I beat. It was a shame: it seemed that she is to blame.

One day my father stopped to visit, I decided to tell him about what happened. Her husband began to laugh and say that just rushed a pillow because I hysterics. In response, the pope asked me to be calm and not provoke. From that moment, I realized that from the family support is not worth the wait.

Three weeks after another beating I got pregnant. It seemed that my new state last changed man: he started jumping around me, blow off dust particles and say that the appearance of the child - a major event in his life. But worries did not last long: approximately the fourth month Roma pushed me, I came off and fell to the coccyx on the concrete floor. After that he started to drag me by the hair, saying, "If anything happens to your child, you will be guilty. I'll kill you".

We went for an ultrasound to check the baby. The doctor confirmed that the child was not injured, and offered to visit the trauma. Husband cut off, we will not go: alive and well. He kept repeating: "Your thing - make my child, and if you try to leave more never see him again." All this time I thought that I was just an incubator. After my daughter was born, I became a maid.

"I was beginning to think I'm losing my mind"

Back problems remained with me for a long time and give itself felt even after giving birth, so I signed up to manualshchiku. It was terrible to leave newborn daughter and her husband, even for an hour, but he asked not to worry and promised to feed the child divorced mixture. When I came back after the first trip to the doctor's daughter screamed so much that already turned blue. To feed her husband and did not bother.

I decided not to spend time dismantling and immediately ran to the kitchen to prepare food. At this time, Roma could not stand it, grabbed my daughter, she began to shake and cry out: "What are you yelling, bitch, how did you get me! Shut up ever or not? ", And then threw the baby on the sofa. I'm on padded feet flew up to her daughter and fell nearby. Shock paralyzed me so much that it was impossible even to rise. I could only hysterically screaming: "Do not come!"

At that moment her husband has changed dramatically in the face, he sat down and began to stroke my head and say softly, that nothing happened and it all seemed to me simply because he can not harm your child. He said that I postpartum depression, So we need to go to a psychologist and deal with these inexplicable visions.

At some point, I began to think that Roma rights: I'm really crazy, going crazy and all these horrors I only see caricatures. I came back to reality only when he looked up at me with her hand to her mother. She confirmed that it happened, but did not even reprimanded him. According to her, what happened there is nothing, because I myself run up against rudeness.

At that moment I realized that I was not crazy: and if he beats me in front of witnesses, that more will only get worse.

"My husband started to whisper that will take the daughter"

Several times after a stormy scandals we parted, and then gathered again. The period of separation it became an ideal, and it was hard to resist. I was aware that he had been ill, but without it if it was worse: break out the arms and legs so that I was ready to run barefoot in the snow, only to Roma forgive me.

The last time when we came together, I broke down and directly said that in our relationship, nothing changes. Her husband is very angry, he threw me on the floor right in front of the children and began to choke. I thought that my hour has come, but at the last moment he came to his senses.

Even then I was guilty because "provoked" him. He shouted: "To what do you drive me? I would kill you now, went to jail, and your children will be orphaned! "This time, I did not stand on ceremony, sent him and went to collect things. Once Roma closed the door, my mother came to me. Right before we left in the morning the husband returned and began to whisper that necessarily take away a daughter - if not now, but in ten years, precisely because he is incredibly patient. I grabbed the child and the mother cried, that he threatens me again, but her husband immediately changed in the face and He said he just wanted to say goodbye to her daughter, because, perhaps, never it would see.

After a few minutes in the corridor again we quarreled. I put one shoe, and the second has already left the hall.

Pram it down the stairs, shouting that smear my head, if you see more here at least once.

My mother and I ran outside and called a taxi. A few minutes later the husband came to the door, and touched my back with a smile and offered to take us to the house. I started to scream at the whole court that he did not touch me. At this point, the neighbors came, and Roma with a completely adequate person said: "Did you see? I told you, she's crazy. But with such a psycho I live. " In public, he was instantly transformed, but before that to make me hysterical one only whisper.

"Do not think that you are the queen of the soldiers"

I went to my parents, without money and work, with a bag of things. From the documents I had only a passport and birth certificate of children, because the day before we went to the clinic. The first time I tried to contact with Roma, to pick up the remaining things, but in response received only threats. Then I finally decided to cut all ties.

We divorced, and three months later the former decided to get the opportunity to communicate with her daughter. Several times he drove up to my house and wrote that the demands to withdraw the child. I do not receive messages because it blocked his number. Later, he gave ignore the message in the court and had his way. For six months every week Roma comes to the house and asked to bring the child for a walk, but the daughter does not want to communicate with him and goes to the contact only after much persuasion. Despite this, he claims to increase the number of visits and trying to get an opportunity to leave a daughter in his house with an overnight stay.

I broke out of this situation and still continue to work on yourself. One of the factors that held back in chains - ignorance.

I just did not know where to go, but only one spoke guardianship bodies to me: "You know, whom to marry. Now it's your cross to the end of life. "

Over time I came to the project "Knowledge to stop gender-based violence" (non-profit project that helps to counteract violence. - Approx. Ed.). Here I first heard and confirmed that I was not alone. When I heard this, tears flowed from the eyes of hail. I returned home with the feeling that finally occurred I can share with people who are not in anything to accuse me.

After working with a psychologist and psychotherapist it became much easier. I have ceased to fall into hysterics and is constantly crying, she began to smile, and drew attention to the children. My experience requires long-term therapy, but I gradually returning to normal life come to work, I began to communicate with colleagues.

Relationship with ex-husband lasted six years. If now I know what they bring, would disappear after only a month after they met. When a man exalts himself, does not accept criticism, prohibits communicate with other people, being aggressive and is constantly trying to make you guilty - you need to run. Do not think that you are the queen of soldiers, who rebuilt his mind and save us from all ills. Only in romantic books the bad guys turn into a handsome prince in love thanks. In life, it never happens.

Julia Zadorozhna

"It seemed that it was love at first sight"

In the summer of every year I came to the grandmother to the Far East. When we met with Dima, we were both 15 years old. I immediately thought it was love at first sight, besides, it was so romantic: occasional meetings, correspondence, distance. In his native city at this time no one evolved: I perceived guys encountered on the way, like friends.

When we turned 20, he was invited to stay in the Far East, get married and live together. I did not want to go far from home and invited him to her. My parents have supported us and were allowed to live together with them, we just love each other. Everything happened very quickly and easily: he came in the spring and in the fall we have already got married.

Bright and beautiful proposal, it was not. The very fact that his move has meant that we assign a date wedding and invite guests. Romance gone by the wayside, but I still was still happy. Before the wedding, we sometimes quarrel, but I thought it was banal lapping characters. After all, before we saw each other for a month in the year, and now are conducting a joint life.

His parents sent money - and Dima immediately spent it on a new cell phone, although at that time he did not even have a job. Three months later he was on the provision in my family, and the funds from their relatives descended on clothing and entertainment. The question arose more and more acute, periodically arose scandals. As a result, parents have taken a resolute decision: just moved out, leaving us an apartment and was told that the money will now have to understand yourself.

"I am offended, but said nothing"

Petty grievances accumulated, and I got pregnant. One day I had to leave for a consultation, but boots holes. Dima said that the new, we will not buy, because we supposedly do not have money. In this case, after a short time it is quite enough money on a new car.

We have not decided to tell what's going on at home, so their feelings with loved ones, I did not share.

All disassembly took place behind closed doors. In addition, my husband used to say, "Here we had a fight, and now you run to shoot the breeze." After these words, it seemed to me that I have no right to share anything.

Sometimes in the process of dismantling the night he got dressed and left the house. To be one at such moments it was very scary, I was in a position, and my husband was the only person who provided me.

Quarrel became more frequent, because he started to drink and spend a lot of time on the computer - carried away games. The light from the desk lamp and the monitor greatly annoyed, and I began to sleep badly. On offer to observe the regime and respect each other, he answered: "What is the problem? Turn away and sleep. You get up early tomorrow to pick me to work. " I'm offended, but said nothing.

"He said that the child has a different father"

The next major scandal occurred after the birth of her daughter. There was a site "Odnoklassniki", and I commented on the photo and longtime friend. At that time I still did not realize that all my accounts under his control: Dima knew passwords and went at will. As soon as I responded to the photo of another man, he flew into the room, saying that I was a fallen woman and the child probably from some classmates. Daughter - full copy of it, but I was born with brown eyes, although we both blue. This has become a major stumbling block: even with his mother, he said that the child has a different father.

At such moments, I collected things and was leaving to visit her parents. They always took me with pleasure coddled with her granddaughter, but after a while began to raise questions, so they had to return home. To say about what is happening, I did not dare, because it continues to believe that our quarreling - a trifle, which can be overcome.

Once I thought that the situation will change the birth of his son, whom her husband often mentioned. It seemed to me that at that time he will be in a different way to look at us with his daughter. And I really gave birth to a son, but little has changed: Dima continued to drink and sticks to computer games. Otherwise it becomes a focus of my attention, because I started to concentrate on the children and stopped to notice what is happening around.

"I had to obey its rules"

More and more often I hear the phrase that is useless appendix to her husband and did not earn. It was a shame, because until the second decree, I brought into the house rather big money: I have two higher educations. At one point I decided to use the maternity capital and buy a new apartment close to the parents, to travel by public transport becomes increasingly difficult with two small children. The current housing owned by family, so I do not even bother to ask her husband's permission - just put it before the fact.

When potential buyers started looking housing, Dima incredibly furious: drunk, talked about all the shortcomings of the area and create all sorts of inconveniences. Despite this apartment is sold, and we moved to another.

After moving to develop the country: at night he collected things and leave, and then come back with strong fumes. I put the children and could not sleep because it had no idea where her husband until four in the morning. In response to claims Dima always claimed that provides us, so I must obey its rules. In order to become more independent, I got a job as a cleaner in a beauty salon. So I began to have at least some money to buy children warm clothing for the winter. Her husband helped only with utilities.

When the youngest child was three years old, I entered the full-scale operation and began to earn Dima par. Then he even stopped to allocate money to us: all funds spent on clothes, games, update your computer and a guitar.

"I realized that we need to leave"

At the new job, I first talked about the situation in the family. I was very tired and did not get enough sleep after another night of her husband, so that information flowed out of me by itself. Then I was first asked, "Why do not you go away?", And I replied that it contains us. Colleagues laughed and noticed that I was paying the rent, buying clothes and lay on the vacation of their own salaries.

I returned home, began to think about what is happening, and finally came to the conclusion that we need to leave. I continued to share their pain with relatives, but ultimately it has brought me, one of the oldest friends gave all the information Dima.

When he realized that I was wondering about the divorce, he became quite unmanageable daily insulted when children flung things and kicked in passing. I was very scared, so I began to sleep in the children's room.

Then it turned out that he had laid out around the home recording devices. I talked with my parents and friends, yet it is not, and then he came back and listen to all that I have talked a day. Night began bursts of aggression: the husband would wake me up, beat, twist arms and pinched mouth. Thus, he argued that crush me thirst for independent living.

"In the summer, he tried to kill me"

After four months of scandals, I lost 10 kilos. At one point, a friend, whom I often complain about life, advised to read something about abyuz. I started to study the information and realized that the stories of the victims are literally copied from mine. Then I decided to talk to her husband, but he did not hear anything. On all had one answer: you need to be treated because you're mad, but friends are bad for you.

In June 2017 Dima tried to kill me. First, he called on the conversation in the car - I was glad, because I did not want to discuss our problems with children. He turned on the pieces of conversations that were recorded, while he was at home, and began to argue that I probably have another man or even a woman. I began to argue that its claims are far-fetched, and then just laughed. This proved to be a big mistake. The phrase, "Well, yes, of course, I have both male and female. I do not love you, and in my life there are people with whom to spend time much more pleasant "was recorded too. He began to blackmail, he would go to court and take away the children.

After all this, he stepped on the gas and we went. I woke up when the car was already far out of town. Husband took me by the hair, held her close, and let go of the wheel set a condition: either I live with him, either now he'll kill us both. I do not know how to drive and could not help themselves. I fear I just shrank in the seat and tried to scream that if we suffer together, the children will be orphaned. At one point, he let go of me, turned around, and we went home.

"All this time, he left her for another woman"

I filed for divorce a few weeks after the incident. When it came to the notice, it is not a little mad. On the night of 30 December 31, he walked into the room, jumped on me and began to choke him: pinched mouth with a blanket and pressed so hard that the facial bones and broke teeth hurt. The child screamed and tried to peel his hands, but nothing helped. Only when I stopped struggling, Dima calmed down, packed up and left.

At about six in the morning I called my parents and told what had happened. We surveyed injuries in the hospital and had to write a statement to the police, where I was rebuffed with the words: "Girl, come to us with a bloody mess instead of a face, and you with their trauma. We had to look for someone to marry. "

I packed up and went to the parents who helped rent an apartment not far from them. During this time, her husband had never tried to ask for forgiveness. The only thing my mother said: "Of course, I went too far, but she blame herself."

During the divorce Dima watched me, threatened, he wrote disgusting messages, trying to meet the children, but I did not stop, and filed a lawsuit against the division of property. Three months later, they ruled: I leave the apartment, and his car. Now it is announced at best once a month and is only interested in his son - daughter still unrecognized child and is well aware of in 12 years.

Over time, it became clear that night spree started on purpose. All this time, he left her for another woman, who worked at drinking establishments close to home. It turned out many common acquaintances knew about it, but were afraid to tell me.

"There is no one to be afraid of me"

Since his move before filing for divorce 16 years have passed. I am sorry that I have not shared with anyone happening. We are told that a woman should be sure to get married and have children, and if divorced - it is defective. But this is utter nonsense. When you realize that you can not live with a man, you need to escape.

I restored so far, and I help travels. Last year, together with the six-year old son, we went to Feodosia. Previously, he always held my hand, but suddenly let her go and ran forward. I asked: "Son, where are you? Are not you scared, "and he replied," Mom, there is nobody to be afraid of me. "

Recently, I came to watch the show and literally shrank into the chair, when one of the actors spoke with intonations, like her husband. I understand that I'm afraid to meet the same people, like him. Distinguish them from the crowd until personal contact is impossible, and stumble upon something like the second time you do not want.

Girls who are in this situation right now, I will say one thing: do not be silent! Even if for you under surveillance, find someone with whom to share. If I had not talked about the situation in the family, parents and colleagues, it would not have found the strength to leave, but make it a must.

Advice to those who are in a similar situation

In abyuzivnyh relations impossible to stay mentally healthy person, lead a full life and feel happy. If a woman wants to realize their desires, goals and dreams, the relationship with abyuzerom do not allow this.

Over time, it produces tolerance to abuse. If the first episode of the victim rather shocking, the tenth is perceived with some surprise. In this case, the events may develop in a few years or a flash: just a few days abyuzer able to move from the emotional impact of a physical.

The first thing to take - make sure that you really want to leave abyuzera. If the understanding of this fact is not, the following paragraphs will not bring any result.

Better to leave immediately after the first episode of violence. It is important to avoid the moment when the shock gives way to acceptance. Otherwise, the connection will be harder to break.

Difficulty care depends on several factors. The first - the duration of the relationship. It is much easier to leave the abuser, when you are together all week. After a few years you have more shared memories and affections, so decide to break harder. Much will depend on how relations develop if people survived the crisis moments together and cope with the difficulties that go away after the first episode will not be easy - the value of the relationship is very high.

The second obstacle - their own expectations. If your pair less than a year, you cherish the hope of the future together and not adequately assess the situation. The desire to have a stable relationship and joint life can prevent an instant everything stopped. In addition, the first episode of violence easier attributed to coincidence.

The third difficulty - fear condemnation. The longer a woman is in a relationship with abyuzerom, the more it lowers self-esteem and, therefore, the opinion of other people becomes more and more valuable. There is a vicious circle from which escape is not easy.

If you do not feel confidence, Then you need to get it. I recommend unvarnished talk about what happened a loved one: a friend, a relative. Most likely, you will have the support that will be a source of external forces to change the situation. It is also necessary to address to the psychologist. The specialist will help you understand the feelings and understand what you really want.

When you left abyuzera, take care of their own state.

It is important to restore a good attitude to himself or to form, if it was not before.

a sense of self-worth is gradually strengthened - it will be much easier to say "no" to the relationship that you destroy.

Another important rule: tear off the contact with abyuzerom. Most likely, he will ask for forgiveness for what you could not see in the very same and behaved properly. In fact, at this moment a person does not feel guilty and just fakes remorse. If you give up the slack, then sooner or later all again. Abyuzivnye cyclical relationship: usually runs a few laps before the victim decides to break the relationship forever. But remember: every return can cost you your life.

Build a healthy relationship is not easy and to get out of the cycle of violence - even more difficult. Share this article on the social networks: maybe someone close to you right now needs support to walk away from a man who every day hurt.