7 useful skills that can not learn in the comfort zone

The phrase "Get out of your comfort zone" has long become a standard for all the motivational speeches. Yet it klishirovannost not change the fact that many useful life skills can be learned only in stressful conditions.

On what skills relate to this list, I want to talk about today.

1. Do what you want

Do what you want, sometimes uncomfortable. After all, since childhood we are taught to relate yourself with other people and make decisions is not always in our favor.

Remember how it was in a Soviet cartoon: "I want to? Perehochetsya! "This phrase had adopted many parents.

When a person is going to say something or do, he often thinks about how it will look and what will they say, how to react, and renounces his "want". We often ignore their interests in what kind of job to choose with whom to be and even what to wear. All of this - to keep good relationships with others.

Do what you want - a habit that develops in uncomfortable environments. Only when you drowned others' expectations, you can hear what you want yourself.

There is an alternative - to remain in the comfort zone. But then make sure that all your desires really belong to you, not someone else. Otherwise, how their performance will bring you pleasure?

2. Do not do what you do not want

This skill has a more conventional analogue - the ability to say "no."

As I mentioned above, our actions and desires is often dictated by the desire of others. This can be understood when it comes to loved ones: for them, we sometimes are willing to do more than to themselves. The problem is that in our lives we have an average of 5 to 15 really close people (according to anthropologist Robert Dunbar), and try to please many more.

So we support the comfort zone. No need to stand up for their desires, do not interfere and do not need to argue. And yet I want to ask whether these actions bring real pleasure?

And if not, is it a fair price for comfort?

3. Speak in public

There is a theory that the fear of speaking - one of the inborn in humans. From the point of view of development of the society, he symbolizes the tribe single performance, which can expel him. Hence the fear.

Even great, he said that over the years, the excitement does not leave until the end. Every time they have a little bit to overcome yourself, feel uncomfortable to take the first step on the stage. But it is a step, after which comes the euphoria.

Anyone who is a frequent speaker before an audience confirms that the only way less fearful - more performing. You can think of the audience naked or drink for courage, but the art of speaking in front of others means uncomfortable Wednesday. On the other hand, experienced speakers like this discomfort, because he - a harbinger of success.

4. Control themselves in conflict

The conflict causes stress. A person can not snap of his fingers to temper justice with mercy. Easier to learn to respond to disputes, it takes time, and most importantly - practice.

That is, you need to get into the conflict, in order to understand how to behave in it and resist emotions.

The secret is to learn to notice the triggers that provoke conflict. Every time celebrate their reactions and make them more and more reasonable.

The more often you do it, the closer you get to him, and the easier it is to respond adequately to every next time. As a result, you learn to make use of those situations, without prejudice to the nerve cells.

As always, you can stay in the comfort zone, to avoid conflicts and stress. So actually easier in the short term. But over time, your social skills will become worse, because you will avoid any quarrels, and trying to understand other people, communicating with them only superficially, does not yield results. It's like learning to swim on the couch.

5. To be first

This skill combines several aspects. One of the most important - the ability to not be jealous and not to compare yourself with others.

Perhaps someone will object: "But what about athletes? They are constantly comparing themselves to each other, trying to surpass the results of their rivals. " This is partly true, but not always true for great athletes.

Until May 6, 1954, scientists were convinced that a person can not run a mile in less than 4 minutes - in any case, it is guaranteed to risk their health. On that day, this record broke the British runner Roger Bannister, and in the following years after it - dozens of other athletes. Roger competed with them and therefore was the first.

Competition always makes us uncomfortable because it requires extra effort to surpass the previous result and go to the next level. It is necessary to work more effectively, more training, better laid out and so on.

If you wish to be the first game to have an important role in the profession, you will inevitably find yourself in uncomfortable environments. The alternative - to put the average effort. Unfortunately, they do not make champions of the people.

6. Talk about their feelings

Talk about feelings - is to remain defenseless and (for the majority) feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, the revelation is still one of the best ways to show that we care about this man. In this case, the discomfort caused doubts about the reaction to our frankness. Do we understand? Laugh? Ignore?

We can say nothing, save your emotions, but at some point they would break the flow, which can not be controlled.

It is better to learn a little openness. Yes, through the discomfort, but it is more effective than each time to explode from an overabundance of feelings and provided buried avalanche stress.

7. Ask for help

When we ask for help, in fact, we recognize that we do not know something: the answer to the question or solve the problem. Some take it as a sign of stupidity. In practice, the recognition that you have something you do not know or do not know how - the main condition for development.

Wise Socrates said: "I know that I know nothing." He, like many thinkers and scientists after him, recognized the limitations of their knowledge to be open to the new.

Yet to admit his ignorance - it's stress. But without the stress that we remain unable to cope with difficulties that can not overcome alone. But enough of them in the life of any person.

The alternative - to remain silent and seek a solution on their own. It can also be an effective approach. But why dig up gold hands, if you are offered the tool?

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We do not knowingly associate stress with the release of their comfort zone. In terms of biology, stress - is to prepare the body for action. Accelerated heartbeat, rapid breathing, filling the cells with oxygen, the increased concentration. The stress our body is preparing for the threats that we have overcome them.

Each skill, which has been discussed, developed in uncomfortable, stressful conditions. But over time, this inconvenience is replaced by the joy of the fact that you live your desires, to achieve better results and to communicate effectively with people.

I think life can be comfortable, but unfortunately, and can prevent uncomfortable conditions, but to bring more fun. And we decide which option suits us.