Why am I no longer help people and you do not advise this

My mother taught me not to give extra advice and do not try to help someone, yet the man himself does not ask about it. I always thought it was her from harm. But as an adult, I realized that my mother was still a law. And yes, it is one of the most kind and cordial people I've ever known.

Society says that you need to help people. I agree with that. It is believed that we should strive to help others unconditionally, with even when they do not expect. No, this is all right, sudden acts of kindness can sometimes change lives. Nevertheless, the two sides of the coin. And you have to know what can turn a similar kindness.

Of course, not all so sad, but is not so rosy. And there is a good bad and good - bad. While helping people - not the worst idea, it is still not the best. There are three cases in which personally I tend to refuse help and highly recommend you do the same.

Do not help people who do not deserve your help

Not so it is simple. We have been taught all my life that it is necessary to help others, but now forget it.

When you grow up, you will realize that you have only two hands - one for self-help, and the other - to help others.

Sam Levenson

Beginners startups often ask me for advice. I know how difficult it is to run a startup itself through this pass. And yet, I stopped to share their experience and knowledge for free. Once I often called for a cup of coffee, just to "ask a few questions." If you score millions of dollars in the bank from investors not even try to pick my brain for it without proper compensation. Especially if you do not bother to even pay for my tea.

These guys do not understand that I have a family, you need to feed, bills to pay, urgent matters, which need time to sort out. They do not realize that the time spent on the conversation with them while I have to somehow compensate, sitting at work until late at night. If they do not value my time, and I'm not going to waste it on them.

Now I'm just saying, how much is an hour of my time. Severely, yes, but life has become easier, and I - are happier. People take me more serious. If someone my services seem to be too expensive, I suggest other ways to compensate for the time spent.

Rule 1. Never offer anything for free.

Rule 2. Never forget rule 1.

The next time someone asks you, say, free to speak at the conference, do not settle until you will achieve the most favorable conditions. If there is no chance of getting the normal fee, ask for a free booth and time for a story about your business, or even free tickets to the conference. All this shows the seriousness of the organizers and the extent to which your presence they need.

People will always try to exploit you if you allow it to them. Time trying to help all, you do not have. Keep only those who really deserve it.

Remember, the first person to whom you are obliged to help - is you. It's simple: if you help others does not bring you joy, stop doing it. Sometimes you have to be selfish and put yourself in the first place. Public opinion on this issue can safely be ignored.

Do not help people who can not appreciate your help

The biggest weakness of mine - I really like to help. I support people regardless of whether they asked for it or not. This approach may sometimes backfire in unexpected ways.

One of my client's case went very badly. We killed a few days on the team, to explore data and trends to understand what generally a problem. It was not part of our tasks, and therefore not included in the bill, but we are sincerely worried about the success of the client. My team found several serious problems in its business model and strategy. We told him about it, and he dismissed us.

We have done the work that goes beyond duty, just out of a sense of empathy. We tell clients things that he did not want to hear from us. We have lost a customer because they tried to help. Finally, he now hates us just because of the fact that we have voiced his professional opinion.

A sure way to turn a friend into a ferocious enemy - to tell him what he wants to hear.

When I offer my help, I honestly want to help. But often people simply are not willing to accept my support. This is normal. Change takes time, and many are not willing to change anything. Do not give advice to those who are not ready to listen to them. Sooner or later these guys will express everything they think about your "quiescent" tips.

I stopped to help people who do not want it. Minimum drum, the maximum time for yourself.

It does not help if you can not do it well

This is the most important. To offer support when you really are not ready to have it - there is no right. NOT. I did this several times, I regret to this day.

One day my father and mother went abroad and asked me to look after their home. I had no idea how to water the flowers. Some I flooded, and some dry up. When the parents returned a month later, all of the plants have died. I will not offer my help, would have found someone versed in this, and precious flowers of my father would be alive to this day. Parents, by the way, told me not to continue a finger to touch the plants.

If you want help without having the skills or the time to sense from your help will be zero.

It's like learning to draw a blind. You deprive people of the opportunity to find someone who will cope with the task better. As you can see, and goodness can cause harm. The easiest way to destroy a relationship - to offer the support that you can not provide.

Finally, everything can be good or bad. It is important to find a balance between these two extremes. Carefully evaluate everything before helping hand. You do not do this - wasting your time and money, and even jeopardize important relationships, personal or professional.

Random act of kindness can change someone's life, and can break it. You will be helping the wrong - miss the chance to support the people who really deserve it. Before you help, think.