How to negotiate with your inner critic

Subpersonality, not giving the right to mistakes

The origin of the internal criticism occurs in childhood. A child exploring the world and its possibilities, faced with the expectations of society and the dissatisfaction of others, when not justify these expectations.

When parenting adults are guided by a certain set of rules of conduct, which they took over from their parents. And once a child violates the rules, he scolded, criticized, show their displeasure, depriving incentives put in the corner, thus demonstrating that the actions of the rules is punishable. As a result, the little man gets experience: everything that is not included in the category of "right" is fraught with troubles.

To prevent further painful experiences from the penalty of the "wrong" actions produced intrapsychic protective mechanism, the human inhibitory activity. This is critical in relation to itself, or an internal critic. As the child absorbs everything that comes from the outside, its critical voice says the words and intonations important people: parents, educators and teachers.

"Unscrupulous, arrogant idiot! You're nothing of itself is not! "- hears in his head young woman her father's words in situations where you need to defend your point of view or express their desires. These phrases are etched in my memory since childhood and swim in addition to her will, depriving the strength and faith in yourself. These thoughts are cold hands and feet, compressed his throat, hardens the body, as a child, and she do anything about it can not.

The man, who as a child much criticized, condemned, punished, has a lot of doubts about their abilities, skills, usefulness, dignity. His inner critic is strong and active. He is the guardian of that person did not get into a mess that his actions were wrong again not. Often this subpersonality deprives us of the ability at all to do anything.

No actions - no errors, and therefore, will not be punished.

How does the inner critic

1. their discontent appearance, Character, behavior, from mild annoyance to self-hatred. A striking example of this - a woman, bed under the surgeon's knife for the purpose to alter your body.

2. The feeling of embarrassment and shame at the slightest provocation. Hence a ban on the enjoyment and realization of their desires as a punishment for his wrong. Surely you have met such people.

3. Comparing yourself with others is often not in their favor. Surrounding perceived inherently better in all respects. This gives rise to a relationship built on emotional dependence. And from here grow legs, depending on the views of others.

4. Irritation as a background feeling, regardless of the situation. Constant dissatisfaction sooner or later turn into irritation.

5. The desire to do everything perfectly.

Perfectionism - constant companion inner critic that constantly points out that still need to finish, to change, to improve.

6. Demands, rigidity and intransigence in relation to themselves and others. The inner critic is merciless in their assessments and demands everything to be perfect. When this subpersonality developed, man becomes like a part of his criticism.

7. Doubts about the correctness of their thoughts, feelings, desires. Hence the state of "I do not know what I want", helplessness and infantilism.

8. Blur personal boundaries inside. Inner critic devalues ​​the person and idealizing view important people.

9. Tough self-criticism suppresses naturalness, spontaneity, emotional, sexual, creative expression contributes to the development of apathy and depression.

An exercise that will help cope with the inner critic

technique

Active inner critic can wreck lives. As long as you assess your actions through this sub-personalities, you continue to look at yourself through the eyes of significant adults from childhood. One of the ways out of the influence of the inner critic - is to learn to evaluate their actions based on your current capabilities and ways of life.

I offer you one exercise that will help cope with this task. It reduces the activity of internal criticism and helps to raise self-esteem. Follow it to the end of the day.

Keep a separate notebook. Divide the paper sheet in half vertical line. On the left column write down all of the claims that you have to yourself for today. Put a notebook. Drink of tea, go about their business or walk. And after 15-30 minutes, write next to each negative statement is what advantages you get as a result of this situation.

important points

1. Make a note of the claim is not for the rest of your life, but only for today: what you have done for the day, not finish, we did not. Start exploring your critic slowly, otherwise you will not cope with the number of claims against itself.

2. Need to write as long as you feel that you have nothing more to say. Let your critical voices speak out, maybe you'll learn and useful things for themselves.

3. Feature inner critic - a generalization, which manifests itself in such phrases as "all bad", "did not work", "As always," "a complete idiot", "moron terrible." Therefore, if the left column I want to write something like this, check, what was your mistake, what you were bad. With such a detailed description of the emotionally charged decreases. There is an opportunity to see what you got.

4. If the claim of internal criticism you have nothing to say, you will agree with him. After all, he is often right. But add something that would be able to compensate for your mistake.

This exercise after two weeks of daily practice gives positive results. Instead of endless internal reproaches you may notice your progress and enjoy them. And if you have something that will not work, you should seek help from a psychologist.