How to cope with the crisis a quarter of life - advice to graduates of universities

Across the country died down final at universities (or is about to otgremyat), and tens of thousands of young men and women will soon plunge into "adulthood": the first work, his own family and children. But not all find their place under the sun goes smoothly: some can not get used to a new life, and some find that this life is not like that, as it seemed. So there is a depression, which psychologists call the crisis a quarter of life.

In a crisis, not only did not have enough ideas on how to cope with it, but have no desire to do anything. It seems that the moment is lost and all further life will be like a series of gray, monotonous, joyless days.

In these experiences, you are not alone (even if it seems that it is). The term "quarter life crisis" has appeared in psychology thanks to two non-specialists, girlfriend Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner. They accidentally found that experiencing similar experiences, which ultimately resulted in the book "Crisis of quarter life: the unique life experiences of those who are over 20".

The main issue of concern to young people: what to choose? Build a career? But then suffer personal life and there will be no time for family and friends. To devote himself to his family? Then there will be no room for self-fulfillment, and financial problems could make themselves. And it seems that, if you do not make this choice once, then everything will be irretrievably lost.

To cope with the crisis, it is important to realize that there is a problem, as well as to understand the reasons that it can be called. Let's start from the beginning.

The causes of the crisis

Rich - so successful

Society and the media form a stereotypical image of a successful young man, which is not only the highest moral principles, but also managed to put together 20 years state. When the only measure of success in a society becomes a material prosperity, it is not surprising that many young people to 30 years get an inferiority complex. In addition, many people live with the conviction that you can get rich quickly and completely effortlessly. A contradiction between unreasonable expectations and reality, in turn, lead to tragic consequences.

pressure from parents

Parents are indisputable authorities for us - they always know what is best for us. But not always their concern is beneficial: it is possible to forget about their own desires, trying to meet the expectations of parents.

Informational space

Social networks have made us closer to each other. We are in real time learn that our neighbor is eating for breakfast, a car bought school friend, any professional heights reached second cousin of the town of a thousand kilometers away. The subconscious mind begins to work against us: we can not help compare their achievements with the success of other people, their appearance, travel, profession - and the results are not always encouraging. Slight dissatisfaction in a crisis situation can develop into depression.

phase

A researcher from the University of Greenwich O. Robinson studied the mechanisms manifestations of the crisis. He found out that the crisis exposed not only twenty years, at risk - 25-35 year old people. The crisis may last for about two years and usually resolves positively (as a result of this condition causes a person to seek a solution of their own problems).

Robinson identifies four phases of crisis a quarter of life through which every young person to have encountered this problem.

• First phase: the feeling of hopelessness, zagnannosti the scope of work or the relationship (or both aspects of life at the same time). A certain contradiction - boring work and out of work, too boring.
• Second phase: there is an understanding that change is possible. A person ceases to suffer quietly begins to explore opportunities that are associated with its interests. In fact, he begins to find his own way.
• The third phase, from ideas to qualitative changes. Man begins to rebuild your life, get rid of excess, it finds out what's important to him.
• Fourth phase: securing new commitments, expectations and values.

Despite the fact that this is a difficult period, it leads to positive changes. And it is important to go to a better understanding of himself as a person, to solve problems and move on to the next level.

recommendations

1. Forget about what you "should" be at this age

You owe nothing to anybody to prove. If your life does not fit in the view of others about how to live, it does not mean that it is some kind of wrong. This means that you have a different value system, you do not have to justify to anyone. One life, so decide for yourself what is important to you.

2. Try to understand what you want to be and how to live

One of the causes of the crisis lies in the fact that you do not clearly represent our future. Remove the rose-colored glasses and think a rough plan of action. Perhaps it is time Change activity, Go on a diet to understand the relationships. Or simply take a break and relax.

3. Do not turn in on themselves

Alexandra Robbins in an interview called the two main mistakes people facing this problem: they do not speak to their peers (Although they may also experience similar emotions), and do not say to those who are over 30 (they can give good advice, as also passed through this is). Realize you are not alone in their feelings and experiences.

4. Do not rush into extremes

Sense of personal insecurity and senselessness of what is happening around could push to rash decisions. For example, unnecessary quarrel or purchases. Do not waste your money on something that does not bring you pleasure, Minimize contact with unpleasant people.

5. Not all at once

Of course, I want to in one fell swoop get my affairs in order. However, trying to do everything at once, it will have to be torn between different desires, grab something for one, then another, and in the end none of them did not succeed. Therefore, to make changes to better life gradually. And should start small.

6. Do not worry

The crisis - a phenomenon transient. All have gone through the teenage transition age - some more, some less violently - and now he recalls with a smile. This period of time will be remembered later as well.

We all have plenty of opportunities to choose: career, life partner, social circle, style. Basically it depends solely on our desires and efforts. But as adults, we can begin to doubt the choice that was made when we were younger. Do not despair: to change, and change is never too late. Those who have successfully overcome the crisis, recognized that it was they really need. This period allowed them to get to know themselves, to resolve the contradictions between what is desirable and possible, to get rid of imposed stereotypes.

Find your own way - this is happiness, but it takes time. So start your search now.