How to find words of comfort when a loved one is bad
A Life / / December 19, 2019
Christina Yatkovsky
Chief Editor alpina.ru.
"On affliction is not to say more than about sex, faith, and even death, gave birth to her" - says Cheryl Sandberg, Facebook Director of Operations, in his book "Plan B: How to survive the misery, gather strength and start living again".
Sandberg with the children survived the death of her husband and was not afraid to be honest tell. She gathered her experience, as well as the results of psychological research to help thousands of people around the world to cope with their own grief.
We know how it is difficult to support a loved one with whom there was a trouble. Sometimes other people's suffering for us to hit even harder than their own hardships. And very often we can not find the right words to comfort and silently. Here we have compiled for you a few tips on how to support a person, experiencing misfortune.
— 1 —
Even people who have experienced the most terrible suffering, often want to talk about them. When we are sick, we need to know two things: that the feelings we experience are normal and that we have someone to support. Behaving towards the suffering people as if nothing had happened, we deprive them of this.
— 2 —
The usual greetings like "How are you?" Hurt, because people, pronouncing them, did not seem to recognize that there was something significant. If instead people asked, "How are you feeling today?", It would show that they understand how hard a person is given every day.
— 3 —
Not everyone can easily talk about a personal tragedy. All we choose when and where to do it and make it even. Nevertheless, there are strong indications that a frank conversation about the severe events can positively affect the mental and physical health. A conversation with a friend or family member is often helpful to understand their own feelings and to feel understood.
— 4 —
When in your life a tragedy happens, you will usually find that you are no longer surrounded by people - you are surrounded by banalities. The best thing you can do - is to recognize. Just say the words "I acknowledge your pain. I'm near".
— 5 —
While we do not recognize the problem, it will not go anywhere. Trying not to notice anything, those who suffer, isolate themselves, and those who could offer them support, Moving away. Both sides must take steps towards each other. Sincere words of sympathy - a great start. The problem will not go away just as you wish, but you can say, "I see. I see you suffer. And I do not care. "
— 6 —
It seems natural that friends are always ready to support friends, but there are certain barriers to doing it. There are two types of emotional reactions to the pain of others: empathy that motivates help, and anxiety, which causes her to avoid the source.
— 7 —
When we learn that not indifferent to us people have lost their jobs, is undergoing chemotherapy or going through a divorce, for the first time, we think, "I must talk to him." But then, immediately after this first pulse, we were visited by doubt: "What if I say something wrong? What if it is inconvenient to talk about it? Will not I too intrusive? "
Originating these doubts entail excuses such as: "He has a lot of friends, but we are not so close to him." Or: "It must be very busy. It is not necessary once again to disturb her. " we put conversation or offer help until you start to feel guilty for not having done it before... and then decide that it is too late.
— 8 —
Those who turn away from you in difficult moments, trying to distance themselves from the emotional pain of self-preservation. These people, seeing someone drowning in his grief, fear - perhaps subconsciously - that they, too, may drag away into the abyss.
The other is a sense of helplessness; they think that whatever they may say or do not improve the situation, so decided not to say anything and do not do. But not necessarily to do something extraordinary. Just go visit a friend - that's a lot.
— 9 —
There is no one way to grieve, as there is no single way to comfort. What works for one person does not work differently, and what helps today could not help tomorrow.
As a child, we were taught to follow the golden rule: Treat others the way you want them to treat you. But when someone close to you is suffering, it is necessary to follow the platinum rule: Treat others the way they would like them to treat him. Picks up signs and react with understanding, and even better - react action.
— 10 —
Specific actions help because without solving the problem, they nevertheless reduce the damage caused by it. "Some things in life can not be corrected. But they need to survive, "- says psychotherapist Megan Devine. Even little things like hold a person's arm, can help.