How not to be emotional abuser: instruction to work on a

If you tend to control others, sometimes cruel, ignoring personal boundaries and criticize others - most likely, you abyuzer, then there is an emotional abuser. Do not worry, it is treated.

There are different ways to change if you recognize yourself in abyuzera and decided to rectify the situation. To go to a psychologist - effective, but expensive. Considering the issue itself - cheap, but for a long time. Score at all - it is easy, but expensive already psychologically, because the price in the form of damaged relationships with others and internal discomfort is great.

Focusing on the second embodiment. Below you will find the program for six months, to be kinder (hope you did not expect that this can be done in a week?). Compassion as the friendly caring attitude in this case can be contrasted with the violent care without taking into account the needs of the other, and environmental control.

60 days to realize

The task of the first two months - watch yourself and simply observe (without judgment, and any attempt to change something), when and how you act as a

To do this, Keep a journal and note the information on three issues:

• When I acted like abyuzer?
• What I did and felt?
• What preceded this (events, actions, feelings, sensations)?

The more write better. Firstly, awareness - the first step to any changes, because it is difficult to change something, what you do not is aware. Secondly, in the process of observation, you may notice some patterns, for example, that it makes you act like abyuzer, though you do not like it.

Rare person really wants to hurt others. Most people who behave like abyuzery themselves suffer.

60 days to analyze the

The task of the next two months - to hear himself, that is to understand what triggers in you abyuzera behavior and that you want to change.

To do this, using the records of the first two months, the answer to your questions:

• At any event, action or words, I often react as the abyuzer?
• Who behaved well with me in the past?
• What benefits do I draw from such behavior?
• How I would react in such situations?
• What kind of person I would like to be?
• What will help me to do things differently?

Note: for reflection on these issues once again assigned two months. You can allocate each question a week, add your questions, conduct their own research - in general, to do everything within the framework of analysis and not rush to action, to look inside yourself.

60 days to act

The problem of the last few months - to take action and begin to respond the way you'd like.

For this is a great technique, "Act as if ...": you take a commitment act as if you have become the person who shows a friendly caring attitude toward others. For example, a person who takes time out when he feels that the emotions going through the roof, lets go partner to friends even when it does not want, and restrains criticism conviction.

we often say to myself, "If only I was more sure of myself, I would have ..." "If I had had more friends, I would ..." "If I had been more restrained, I would ...". However, in practice, our inner and outer worlds are interdependent. Change your own behavior leads to changes in our thoughts, feelings and sensations. That is, it is necessary here and now to behave as if you are more confident, you have a lot of friends and you are quite restrained.

So your motto for the last two months will be the installation:

I'm the kind of person who cares about others as comfortable for them, who knows how to stop worrying when his about it is asked that only good and supportive word says, who thinks about other people's feelings and needs, who trusts others.

This is just an example, my own installation, you will be able to formulate during the second stage of the analysis in answering the question "What kind of person I want to be?".

Finally a few additional recommendations:

• Ask about the human support that builds friendships and caring relationships with others. Tell him about the program, maybe it will help you and suggest that you speak for themselves do not notice.
• Take your time and do not cut the time allotted for each stage. Everything that happens quickly, lives long.
• Whatever happens in your life, no matter how much your manifest tendency to emotional abuse, not to reproach himself. Shame and guilt are launching a vicious circle again. Shame yourself, you will soon want to take it out on someone else.

After six months will pass, you can take stock and figure out what has changed in your actions, relationships and life. And if you see fit, you can start the cycle all over again, because the internal development of infinitely in nature. I wish you success! And be good!