The overprotection dangerous and how to stop harming a child with mental disorders

Volodya 16 years. His height - meter ninety. He finishes ninth grade. Mom wipes his nose with a handkerchief, and he did not react to it. Then it turns out that Volodya did not go out of the house without a mother. He and the questions can not be answered without it. Volodya autism, but he did not prevent him to monitor the cleanliness of the nose, around the city and to answer questions.

A mother Sonia proudly says that up to 10 years wore a daughter, and before the second class wore to school on the handles. At 17, Sonia communication problems: she feels insecure with their peers, can self-assemble in the school bag and scatter around the house to use pads. Sonia also have a psychiatric diagnosis, while she is absolutely safe intelligence and model looks.

Such cases in my practice ten. Parental overprotection interferes with the normal development of even perfectly healthy children. And if a child suffers from a mental illness, it actually turns it into an invalid. Thus practically anywhere it does not reach such an extent and does not reach the absurd as in families where growing child with mental features.

Why parents are overly concerned about children

Parents, especially mothers, overwhelmed by guilt, shame, fear, irritation, fatigue and even a whole range of feelings. Teach healthy child care for themselves on their own - often a quest to restraint, patience and perseverance. And not all parents successfully pass through it.

In the case of disabled children all this a hundred times harder. They are often objectively difficult to learn, difficult to carry their own failures due to the fragility of the psyche. Such children have a lot of problems with relationships with peers, teachers, educators. Add to that the glances of other moms, salesmen and just passers-by, from which the parent shrinks heart and there is an almost instinctive desire to protect the child, to hide from everyone and facilitate his life.

Take into account the fatigue of endless, long-term and often unsuccessful struggle for the child to be like everyone else. Add irritation to him because he is different, and even a sense of guilt in front of him, and for this irritation, and for the fact of his inferiority. If the child is the only one in it all the same - meaning, pain, hope and despair. And it can even affect the work, unsettled personal life, a lot of worries and inner emptiness.

How does overprotection

Overprotective can take many forms. Depending on this, and views of the child the parents may be different.

1. The child - a crystal vase

For him wildly scary. It seems that it is actually viable. If you leave him alone, that's all.

This attitude is found either in anxious parentsOr if a child suddenly something happens, such as psychosis. How would, for no reason at all, in the years 14-15. Before was an ordinary teenager who went to battle, fell in love, talked and studied. And then the madness and the hospital. Over time, all will be adjusted, but my mother inside something snapped. A balance seems very fragile, the situation seemed all the time hanging in the balance. And now my mother does not depart from the girl on a step. He holds her hand, looking into her eyes, trays and eliminates.

But after psyche psychosis - it is like the hand after the fracture, when it was all grown together and removed the plaster. Emotions, will, thinking at that time weakened. That they have recovered, we need ever-increasing load of thought. Incidentally, physical work and self-organization in the home, in this case very useful.

2. The child - a skeleton in the closet

For him wildly ashamed of the fact that he is different. He wants to hide from everyone. Family severely limits the circle of friends, try not to take the child to the general holidays, where there will be strangers. With him and the playground do not go, because there are other moms and their normal children.

In the future - training on the individual program or at home, distance learning at college or university. Do not let the child alone in the shop, and the subway ride with him only as a last resort. This overprotection creates an invisible box in which is hidden a child.

3. The child - a racehorse

The basis of this relationship - the rate on the outstanding ability of the child to the detriment of everything else. Why the future of chess player or scientist clean up after themselves, wash the dishes, going to the store? He simply does not have time for this, and this is not important. Once all the experiences and the work paid off, there will be money, fame, a housekeeper.

Often as parents treat a child with autism, developing very unevenly. On the general background of the backlog it is well ahead of peers in something one. But often it is smoothed with age, and parents rate does not work.

4. The child - a scapegoat

He is considered the originator of the failed hopes, divorce, uncomplicated life. The basis of this relationship - the offense to life, vent on the child as the most easy target. Of course, such experiences in the open do not occur. One of the most common options for their cover - tireless care, designed to further weaken, to crush and bind the stronger.

Of course, this division is very conditional. A child may move from one role to another, or to be in several. And, of course, in most cases, no one consciously does not want to cause him harm.

How to stop to take care of the child

Step one. Recognize the fact overprotection

Honestly admit to yourself what you are doing for the child those things which he could easily cope without your help.

Step Two. Understand what you are doing

It would seem, why change the existing system. Yes, overprotection, but this attitude was maintained over the years and has become customary. Ask yourself the question: "What will happen to my child if I suddenly seriously ill or die?" But it can happen at any time. He is waiting for neuropsychiatric boarding school for the chronically mentally ill. Spooky outcome for someone who used to love, family and your belongings. Usually, it makes you wonder.

Sometimes help new relationships, hobbies, or pregnancy. Parents becomes a pity to waste time on something that is infinitely cook and clean for a teenager.

If you intentionally want to change the situation, but they can not, try to turn to psychotherapist. Bring enormous benefits are also groups for parents of children with mental peculiarities. Many people there for the first time openly discussing relationship problems with your child, share experiences, receive support.

Step Three. Find the motivation for a child

Interest in the development of self-help skills in everyday life is naturally present only in small children. To adolescence, you can expect that the child will obey you just because you're a parent. But later on when you try to learn something, he is likely to ignore you or will send.

Here is a good example of their peers or the influence of an external authority (family friend, teacher, coach). For a short time motivators may make pocket money, the desired purchase or entertainment available after doing chores. But if this abuse, child appetites grow quickly, and parents resources are exhausted.

In this case will help the practice of social coaching. Young people are faced with mental illness and cope with its consequences, become social coaches for their peers or younger children. They help them to master the cooking skills, cleaning, personal care. In parallel they communicate and discuss important things.

Step Four. Take your time and educate the child gradually

To a child with mental peculiarities mastered the seemingly simple skills we need to break it down into several simpler podnavykov.

For example, to teach a teenager himself to make purchases at the store, start by going to the kiosk. Get together with your child and ask him to buy one thing. He must give the seller the money and ask what is required. If there are problems with the score, first together, discuss how much is the subject and what his money with him. Let it will buy what you need.

Each step is not sufficient to execute only once. Required to consolidate and repetitive.

In parallel, the child will walk with you in the nearest supermarket. First, make a list of products and select them together. Ask your child to pay for purchases, but stay close by. Then send it to one of the products, but to wait for the exit. The next step is - wait for it in the car or at home. Then you can try to go to another store and ask the child to make their own shopping list.

In each case, will have its own nuances, depending on what kind of difficulties arise. But any obstacle can be overcome by breaking it down into smaller, simpler problems.

See also:

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