How to cease to be ashamed of her body
A Life / / December 19, 2019
Victor Pelevin "Chapaev and emptiness"The tragedy does not happen with the artist, and not a train driver, and in the mind of the artist or the train driver.
What is the crux of the problem
In human society there is subconsciously perceived standard of beauty, which is probably associated with an evolutionary advantage. The symmetry of the face and body speaks of good genes and health in general, large eyes and children's facial features real sympathy thanks to the parental instinct, a certain ratio of the hips and waist in women shows the ability to bear and give birth to a healthy progeny. So, the problem is to attract a partner? Here is what this psychologist Oleg Ivanov.
Often dissatisfied with their appearance are lonely people. And in doing so, they often blame the failures on the personal front. Unfortunately, this is the most common and the most deceptive judgment. We forget the simple truth is illusory attractiveness.
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologist, a conflict, the head of the Center for settlement of social conflicts
Around many unattractive in terms of standard of people, and they live happily ever after, fall in love, marry and have children. Moreover, in today's world, a sense of humor, caring, understanding and common interests can be much more valuable qualitiesThan a symmetrical face and big eyes.
Appearance is important when looking for a partner, but does not determine success. Perhaps the point is not to find the pair, and in fear of social disapproval.
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologistWe are ashamed, because we are afraid of negative comments in his address from others, relatives, colleagues. In this case, even the most innocent prick from causing hurt and tears. And this is due to low self-esteem and meticulously to himself.
Understand this: the idea that you are not beautiful - it's just a thought. Let it occurs every day and is felt as the truth. The problem is not in your figure, face shape or structure of the leg, a problem in this idea, and that it must be fought.
We will show the way to change attitudes towards themselves, divided into several stages. Each stage takes about a week, but if you feel you have not achieved much success in the allotted time, spend at one stage as long as necessary.
How to solve the problem
1. Realize it
Usually people consider their shortcomings obvious, but the behavior is not entirely conscious. This week is dedicated to recognize negative thoughts about their body.
Go to the mirror, look at your reflection and mark negative thoughts about their appearance, which arise in the mind. Also pay attention to the nonverbal habits that reflect the shame of your body and that you unconsciously repeating every day: retract the stomach, lower shoulders to appear below, or take away his cheeks before photographed.
Notice the thoughts that arise, for example, when you start to compare yourself with others, forbid themselves to wear what you like, or have what you want. Can you remember thoughts or write them in a notebook.
This is only a preparation for this paper, but it is important. To solve the problem, we must first fully understand it.
Every time comes to mind the idea of insulting her appearance, ask yourself, could you tell this to his best friend, or your child? This exercise will help you understand how badly do you deal with yourself.
2. Change the thought patterns to neutral
It is difficult to drastically change your opinion with the "I'm terribly ugly" to "I'm beautiful." If you hate your body for a long time and have become accustomed to abuse themselves, first try to be neutral. For example, instead of "This dress I look fat" or "I'm a terrible drysch" you can say, "In these clothes I did not feel confident."
At this time, do not engage in any conversations regarding the discussion of appearance - his or someone else's. If the companies are starting to say they want to lose weight, pump up, plastic surgery, just do not participate, or try to change the subject.
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologistOften the problem lies not in ourselves, but in the surrounding people. Toxic relationships with loved ones, who love every time they met as if in passing point out the shortcomings of the figure, bring pain. Try to at least temporarily to minimize such contact until you learn to safely react to unpleasant remarks in his address.
Negative thoughts on the exterior, you can substitute positive thoughts about other qualities. For example, if you are not ready to say, "I look great", you can replace negative thoughts to "I had a good draw," "I know how to listen to the people," "With me nice to talk to."
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologistFocus on your successes rather than failures. Praise yourself for achievements at work, for a new signed contract, for successful negotiations. Perhaps, at first it will be difficult and hard to pull yourself out of a state of "worthless person". But gradually it will enter into a habit, will add confidence.
Stay at this stage, until you feel that you are no longer automatically judge people by appearance and caustic comment your appearance.
3. Change the neutral to positive thoughts
When you have realized that you are a wonderful person, and no longer blame themselves for the shortcomings of the exterior, it is time to recognize that this has no disadvantages. Every time you look in the mirror or selfie shoot, do yourself a compliment. Praise yourself for all that you feel beautiful, and eventually you will see this beauty.
Do yourself a compliment - it's like buying a new pair of glasses. At first they felt strange, but then you get used to it and cease to notice them at all.
An interesting feature: even the ugliest of common standards, people will seem fine if you love it. This works in relation to himself. Moreover, some people are very sensitive to such changes. We unconsciously read the self-perception of the interlocutor, is pleased to communicate with those who self-assuredAnd avoid those who are closed and secretly hates himself.
Therefore, changing the attitude to yourself, and you will change your attitude to other people.
Work is not the body, and on happiness
If you are happy, you look and feel great. This notice all the people around. Therefore, it is not necessary to work on his body, work hard to be happy.
Oleg Ivanov, a psychologistPeople who are ashamed of their appearance, could be given the most common advice is to accept yourself for who you are. But I will not do it. If a person is unhappy with her appearance, so he is dissatisfied with his life, therefore, a way of life to change.
Go to the gym, if it makes you happy and fun. StudyEffects of exercise interventions on body image: a meta-analysis 2009 has proven that exercise improves the perception of the body. Even if you do not have external results (and they come not at once), after a few workouts you will be more like my body.
Attend training that I enjoy, make you feel better, and do not be afraid: you can start to play sports any age.
Try to eliminate from his life all that you upset, angry or depressing. If you do not like to work - go with it. Work takes up half of life, and you can always find something better if not in terms of salary, then certainly in terms of peace and pleasure.
Leave the people that boring that you do not appreciate or understand. Among the millions of you definitely find yourself real friends with whom you want to share your life.
You are beautiful when they are happy. Work on it.
see also
- What is bodisheyming and why it is bad →
- People plus size: how to cope with the flow of criticism and even capitalize on it →
- Why do so few women consider themselves beautiful →