8 parental plants, which are harmful to the child, and how to change them

Parent installation - these are the directives that we unconsciously inspire your children every day. Us they seem harmless and are based on the best of intentions, but the effect is the opposite, the psychological health of the child is harmed. Personal strain in man does not come out of nowhere. They consist of daily and repetitive situations within the family, words, expressions, and even facial expressions parents. As a result, we personally achieve an entirely different result.

The task of parents - to analyze their speech and behavior, to recognize the fact of the directive and the right to work. If the time to recognize and correct these settings, will grow a successful and happy child.

1. Do not live

Think about it, what is the true meaning of these words: "What are you slut! And why should I bore you? Thought will help me! "," I do not need such a bully, sit here, and I went. " This is one of the most popular and traumatic for the psyche of the child's manipulation. The game takes place on a chronic sense of guilt for that kid to blame for all the failures of the parents.

Children raised with this setting is selected pattern of behavior in which continuously receive punishment. This softens the sense of guilt for a moment the child is released from the psychological burden.

How to act

• Repeat every day: "I am very happy that I have you."
• Prepare baby surprise - postcard "You are my sunshine, happy that we are together." Periodically surprise the child such marks of attention. We take for granted a similar children's messages, but, unfortunately, rarely do something like that in return.
• Make a collage with your child "family, how I love you." Take the drawing paper, glue, family photos and create. The main thing - the promise, are fixed in the mind of the child through creativity.
• Read books about love and family values. For example, the book Sam Makbratni "You know how much I love you?". It is possible to gather ideas for the expression of the power of love: "I love you, wide, wide," "I love you far, far away", "I love you to the moon itself." You can come up with their verbal tradition.

2. Do not be a child

This is a classic: "You're not a little, think for yourself!", "Stop acting like a child, it's time to grow up." Usually, such talk only or the eldest child in the family. As a result - the suppression of the creative impulse, the desire to show their "I", low self-concept.

How to act

• Daily repeat: "I am happy every minute spent together. You now for three years, is a great age. Gradually, you learn everything. "
• Appreciate the time. Control yourself and try not to plan the development of the child for more than a year in advance. Interests are changing at lightning speed, but the talent is very easy to miss.
• Pay attention to what the kid did well. Spoken out loud his successes and offer to repeat again, but together.
• Do not talk directly to the child that he is already big. It is better to try to use practices of the adult world. For example, take along kanbanA-boards. To do this, draw on Whatman 3 column or use the 3 cabinet flap. The first - "What to do", the second - "In the process", and the third -. "Made" Stick to the columns of stickers with objects and move them from left to right, depending on the implementation. So you can teach a child to clean up after themselves or the bed to read more.

3. not grow

"Do not rush to grow up, you still have time," "I'll always be there and will never leave you," "You'll stay forever mine baby "- these words lies the fear of parents to be alone with each other or alone after the departure of the child families.

How to act

• Repeat every day: "I love you very much. You're a smart, kind, brave. You will be all right in future you will create your family will find a vocation, favorite work, like-minded people and will achieve everything you want. "
• Visualize adulthood. To do this, buy and hang stadiometer. You can add photos to it and enter the key achievements of the child.
• Plan a list of children's capabilities and responsibilities. Give the child an opportunity, but mention of the need to be responsible for it. For example, 12 years Get a bank card and talk about financial planning and earning money.

4. Do not think

Something happened, the child was upset, bother with questions, and you answer to him: "Oh, what are you obsessed with? Stop thinking about it, let's go see the cartoon better. " Over time, the child will not even try to cope with difficult situations.

How to act

• Ask the opinion of a child, but do not evaluate response. Suffice it to say, "Where did you get this stuff?" And the child will start to count your thoughts stupid.
• Teach children to different kinds of thinking. One of the ways of development of creative thinking - the method of focal objects. You are asking the child the question "What can be a pen?" And comes back with a series of adjectives. Then choose three random objects and describe their properties. For example, apple - edible, red; machine - mobile, with light; Designer - a collapsible, multi-colored. Further, these properties apply to the handle: it can be edible, a flashlight, a dismountable. Such exercises are subsequently help to solve life problems.

5. do not feel

So we literally do not allow your child to experience feelings: "Do not be mad at the teacher, she'll fit in grandmother ',' Calm down, it is impossible to laugh for all to see", "Do not you be jealous." As a result, the child feels that he can not experience emotions in relation to certain people and brings them to the younger brothers, sisters or classmates.

How to act

• Talk to his child emotions, Help to realize the feelings and manage them. Ask him to complete the sentence: "I feel ..." "Because ..." "I would like to ..." Explain that bad emotions do not happen. Each of them has a right to exist, and pays attention to the person that disturbs him at the moment the most.
• Demonstrate how to express negative emotions in a playful way: to cry out in anger, "wrath bag" splash offense using "negative cushion" to trample on envy "rug hatred."

6. Do not be successful, do not be a leader

To avoid jealousy, or condemnation, parents are told the child: "Where do you stick your neck out?", "What will people think?", "Slow and steady wins - on going."

How to act

• You say that you believe in the talent of the child, and be sure to specify: "You're making great progress in playing the piano. The main thing - you most interesting. I believe in you and what you will achieve great heights in this. "
• Put achievable goals. For example, not to "win in all competitions," and "to take part in this year in four competitions." This will prevent injury if a child does not win.
• Create a talent tree. To do this, draw mind mapWhere a schematic picture a cherished dream of the child "to be an astronaut", "get" Oscar "," affix stickers with hobbies of the child. For the most important, you can create vector - to paint the concrete steps towards achieving the goal. Visualization will motivate and warm up interest.

7. do not do

"Wait, do not start! Now come, I will help you. " The meaning of these words is this: "Do not do it yourself, I will do for you." Children learn not to take responsibility, become indecisive and bogged down in the problems.

How to act

• Give your child the opportunity to act independently. Suffice it to 2-3 times to perform it's up to the child, and initiatives to wait no longer necessary. Do not rush - it is important to learn how to tie shoelaces, than being late to her grandmother.
• Master the "zone of proximal development": Analyze activities that the child can carry out himself, and instead of making a small step to the next level. For example, the first baby takes a pair of scissors under the supervision of a parent, then learns to cut in a straight line. If it turns out, we learn to cut circles and curves and give try to. Under this scheme, you can teach and older children, such as cooking.

8. Do not be yourself

So parents make a child feel a chronic dissatisfaction. Man grows jealous, aggressive, deceitful, running from his personality. And all this from harmless phrases like: "Why did Bob coped with the task, and you do not?", "Strive for the ideal, you must be the best."

How to act

• Tell your child about the uniqueness of each person. We should not meet someone's expectations and to be like someone else, everyone has his own way.
• Use visualization child success techniques, such as talent tree.
• Do not forget that you should always be on the side of the child.

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The task of parents - to control their behavior and understand what to whom and why to say what the consequences may lead words. It is important to appreciate the relationship here and now, to love the child as a person, do not try to change it and to respect his opinion, the nature and desires.

see also

• How to grow a successful children, and do not overdo it with the education →
• 10 facts for parents to help raise happy children →
• How to raise a child's self: lazy mother method →