Life deferred until later: how to stop to wait for the future and live in the present

What is the scenario of the deferred life

The concept of "deferred life scenario" was introduced"Social and psychological causes of migration of the North-East of Russia" V. P. Serkin Doctor of Psychology and Professor Vladimir Serkin. Initially - to describe the features of the thinking of the majority of people living in the Far East of Russia.

The fact that this region has spread - and even came to be regarded as something quite natural - the phenomenon of the "northern script." Users create a comfortable environment and preparing for life that will come later, when they will perform "Northern Dream" - move to the area with a mild climate, buy an apartment, cottage or car and so Further.

The professor said that such a phenomenon previously described Rudyard Kipling. Serkin called it "colonial scenario", and everything here is exactly the same as in the case with the northerners. Many of the British for decades, carried out in India, believed that the "real" life begins only when they returned to England. That is as much as 20-30 years were like "unreal", looking forward to.

These are just a couple of options, because "the script deferred life" - a broader concept. And the phenomenon is not limited to a specific territory or a separate segment of history.

According to the "scenario deferred life" people long period of time - up to decades - is preparing for a certain significant event or waiting for an end, after which, he believes, and must begin the "real" and happy a life.

That is, it simply exists pending. "Marry and immediately become happy," or "Here buy my apartment and how alive!" - refers to a person for himself the time to which he will live not at full strength, but then ...

And then, when there will be flat, he realizes that too early to relax: in fact you need to do repairs and to pay the mortgage! So that the "real" life and happiness again wait. And, perhaps, did not come.

The phenomenon is dangerous

In addition, that 10-30 or more years spent on the anticipation of the future, rather than enjoying the present, there is the risk of "neurosis deferred life" - the concept is also introduced Serkin.

The man in this case is not just in constant expectation, but does not solve important current problems. Or donates something, leaving things for later. He wants something that can do it but do not, because the decisive moment has not yet arrived.

Man misses an opportunity, not to be missed over the odds and saves the problem.

"I'm not going to peel the wallpaper glue, it is ever going to move." "When I find another job, Begin to devote more time to myself. " "The child will finish school and then come back to a hobby or even osvoyu new skills." "Get this service, when it is a special case." That is, do everything, but only when I begin to really live.

It is important that, in contrast to the temporary abstinence from any things for the benefit of the ultimate goal, neurosis deferred life It involves years or decades passive attitude towards the problems encountered and infringements yourself in anything to determining moment. Instead of Activism on improve the circumstances today.

Why do we set aside for later life

You influenced by the attitudes and beliefs

Serkin suggests that one reason may be the settings that have historically influenced by religious and ideological doctrines. And global thought that for the sake of a brighter future can endure, and eventually moved to the everyday life.

Reality does not match your idea of ​​the ideal

The future of which you dreamed of as a child, did not happen. You did not meet their own expectations and become not what he wanted. But instead start to change life right now, you just promise"Anatomy of a change. What prevents the flow of change and start to make life brighter, "Maria EitanThat fulfill the dream as soon as both at once. It seems to be not to abandon them, just pushes - again and again.

You aspire to the result for the sake of results

So you want to finally be in this "happy tomorrow"That are struggling to bring that point, after which it is, in your opinion, will begin. And you forget that you can enjoy the process along the way. But until you go to the goal, and life goes. Your real life.

How to learn to live in the present

In an interview,Neurosis deferred life Serkin gives some general guidelines that can help overcome the neurosis deferred life:

• Start something do to achieve their dreams.
• Love yourself for who you are, but continue to work on yourself.
• Understand what you want out of life and what it is now doing. Compare lists and correct action.
• Develop a detailed plan of action - always with intermediate results.
• Make sure that you have the means and tools to achieve the goal. The goal should be achievable.

If you want to learn how to feel at the moment - the same man who a moment ago was the future, and now has become the past - you may also be useful to the practice recommended10 Best Practices for Being Present therapist Nancy Collier (Nancy Colier).

1. Ask yourself, "I am here?"

Please Attention on where you are in the moment. Get into the habit of asking yourself, "Where am I now?" Or "I'm here?". The body is always in the present, in contrast to the mind, which is being carried out in the past, tends to the future. Feel all your being, that you are here and now.

2. Hear sounds

Concentrate on the sounds around. Do not think, where they do not try to explain them. No effort is required: just catch them and listen.

3. Listen to your body

Feel the processes that occur with your body at this moment. Do not explain their nature and do not call them. Just get a feel and notice that they occur without your efforts.

4. Watch for breathing

Feel process, pay attention to the gaps between breaths. Feel like you and your body breathe. And it also does not require you to no effort.

5. Connect the internal to the external

Look in front of you - what do you see? Concentrate on the sounds. Without switching attention, add a sense of your body. Focus directly on the outer and inner world.

6. Hear his thoughts

Focus on what you have in mind: on the thoughts, voices and sounds. Do not interfere, just watch your mind in action.

7. See larger

Hear the silence that hides behind the rumble ideas. Find peace of mind that lies behind the incessant movement of thoughts, feelings and sensations.

Note infinity within you and outside. Move the focus from objects passing through the mind, in the space in which they are located.

8. Feel their presence

Close your eyes, feel your presence here and now. Feel the weight of the body and all its essence. Find a special state - "I am here, I exist."

9. Imagine that "later" is not

There is no "coming events", "hanging task" - anything that needs to be done. Stop prepare and plan - remove it all. Meet the "now" and imagine what cases there is no need to run nowhere.

10. Reach the end and return to the top

Imagine that this is the last moment in your body in a state where the are. Immerse yourself in the feeling. Remember that you have always been here - a deep childhood and up to this moment. And still here.

Experience how it is - to be yourself when thoughts, feelings, experiences, beliefs passed. Feel the basis of its existence, and invulnerability to time.

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Appreciate what you have, and remember that life - that is what is happening now. Yes, right now, this very second!