How to learn how to relax
A Life / / December 19, 2019
Moya Sarner, a British journalist and columnist for The Guardian, believes that many of us have forgotten how to relax and effectively. And I decided to sort out, How to fix it.
Consider the time you spend in front of TV
In our world, which is constantly online, relax it is becoming increasingly difficult. Moya itself admits that the first time seriously thought about it after she had to give up sports because of an injury.
Exercise has always been busy, during which she could be alone with him. And without them, she began to feel completely lost.
Moya SarnerWhen issued free evening at home, I often have no idea what it take. All inevitably it ends up that I spent hours staring at the same screen, then another, until the bedtime. And then I wonder what to spend so much time.
Moya is convinced that she is not the only one who likes to flop on the couch and sit in front of the TV, while the sight of flashes and Twitter Feed Facebook and five in group chats WhatsApp.
This problem is really familiar to many. For example, actress Diane Keaton More in an interview said, "I have no idea what I would do with a whole week of the weekend."
Gwen Stefani, in turn, told Stylist magazine that if it happens downtime, it feels a little panic and trying to plan what to do next. And when Elon Musk was asked what he usually does after work, he replied: "Usually - continue to work."
On the need for affordable ways to unwind says at least momentaryIf The Adult Coloring Book Craze Is Dead, It Needs A Postmortem surge in popularity, which received coloring books for adults. or growthSales of mind, body, spirit books boom in UK amid 'mindfulness mega-trend' Sales of books, teachers in the world of survival, where nothing and no one stand still. Or obsession awareness on the example of Headspace - the application of meditation that have downloaded more than 15 million times.
Spending money on things like that, apparently, they sought answers to the same questions. And many of them are looking for so far. By the way, now the market has anti-stress colorings in decline, and Headspace began to lay off employees.
The report confirms the British regulator Ofcom communications in 2018A decade of digital dependencyThat a large number of people depend on their digital devices, and in need of constant access to the Internet.
78% have a smart phone, and among young people aged 16-24, this number increases to 95%. We check the phone every 12 minutes, although more than half recognize that it interferes communication with family and friends. And 43% agree that spending too much time for the devices. 7 of 10 in general never let them off.
The devices prevent us to rest, but without them difficult for us to relax.
Clinical psychologist Rachel Andrew says that every day is faced with this problem in his study therapy, and things are getting worse. "In my practice, I have noticed that the number of people who are hard to disconnect from everything and relax, is growing, especially in the last 3-5 years. This applies to all ages from 12 to 70 years. "
The lazy rest in front of TV or with a smartphone in hand, in general, there is nothing wrong, Rachel says. But it all depends on exactly how you do it.
"Sometimes people will admit that they do not even delve into appearing before their eyes. They are totally abstracted, not knowing what did you do the last half hour. This can be regarded almost as a dissociation - periods when the brain is so exhausted and overloaded, that is completely disconnected from what is happening. Of course, this does little to help rest the brain. "
Moya Sarner says that after an evening entirely dedicated Twitter or TV series, woke up with the feeling that ate a bad meal before bedtime. And the fact that she was confused feeling of complete shutdown of the brain to the relaxation.
Psychoanalyst David Morgan believes that such immersion in online at the same time cause and consequence of the fact that we have forgotten how to relax and have fun. "All of our devices and how we use it - it's all ways to escape", - he says.
David MorganPeople are so accustomed to look for different means to forget that they can not even survive a night alone.
Immersion in a virtual world - an attempt to escape, a way to avoid contact with their own inner "I". While for understanding itself need to free mental space that is entirely occupied by our devices.
Think about your true desires
Rachel Andrew says that some of her patients have never thought about how they would like to spend your free time.
"They say they are too busy performing their duties - working, taking care of the family and forced to maintain friendly relations. In the evening or the weekend there comes a time when they can do whatever they want, but they have no choice no effort or motivation to any business, but "loss of reality". " But life can be fun if all the time to do only what is required?
For others, according to Rachel, the idea is to listen to their needs and desires completely alien. We were brought up in a family where everything was centered around the needs of the child or the other parent may never asked what would they like to do. And it is not surprising that previously they could not think about it.
But if they manage to find their pleasant experience that will help to relax- it can cause a big change in their lives.
Nina Grunfeld, founder of Life Clubs - an organization that helps people to live a full life.It is sometimes difficult to distinguish between our own needs against the needs of the people who surround us. And may require a lot of effort on trying to understand where your desires come to an end and begin desire partner.
"When my husband and I were still young, we went on vacation in Rome," - says Nina. "He wanted to visit every church, every restaurant, every interesting for him. And I came home completely broken. Only after to understand themselves, thought about his life in isolation and what pleases me personally, I I realized: to enjoy their holiday and return home fresh and full of energy, I need a quiet rest and reading.
Now, when we go on vacation, the husband goes to the temples alone, and I feel really happy, lying on the beach, by the pool or the fireplace with a book. For me it is a real pleasure. But in the restaurant I can join him. "
ask for help
Moya Sarner said that has already begun to enjoy all the rules of the ideal, but sometimes still feels tired from the world.
Moya SarnerSometimes I want to disappear, dissolving into a smartphone or TV. As if my vital that feeling of complete exclusion, even though I know it's wrong.
She says that to reflect on the reasons why this is so, it helps to psychoanalytic therapy. David Morgan, too, agree that psychotherapy is very important in the process of getting rid of Internet addiction, since the consultations person has to use his mind.
"Therapy is struggling with distraction - it involves concentration"- he says. "When people come to my office, they often say that for the first time felt the impossibility of escape from the circumstances."
To meet the complexity of face-to-face and run away from them equally tedious. Solve problems - is really complicated and hectic work. But when there is one who can listen and help to understand, it becomes easier.
David MorganEveryone is looking for their own ways to distract from the main issue: we live here, and then we will die. The presence of mind to make sense of everything that happens, and the person who is with you will think about it more deeply, - that helps to cope with this horrific truth. "
But even this chilling fact helps to realize how little we set aside time on the planet. And shame to waste it on something to voluntarily turn off their brains.
Follow the practical tips
1. Enter usually one hour. Nina Grunfeld recommended during the holidays with friends or family to secure for each person an hour, during which he can decide what everyone will be watching and to have a rest. "One of my child say that we play video games, and the other - that we go for a walk, and the third cause of all bake cakes. So everyone gets a bit of "their" time and the wrong ways to try to relax. Very relaxing, there is no need to plan your entire day. "
2. Try to remember that as a child you liked to do the most. Determine what was most important to you in this lesson and try to come up with his "adult version". If you do not remember this, you need to ask your friends and family or see old photos.
Everyone can find something lifetime. If in adulthood we lose - it's as if the loss of his integrity as a person. Perhaps you like to play in the sandbox and you want to learn pottery. Or you loved to sculpt all sorts of things and you will like pastries.
3.Select the nature. Rachel Andrew says: "If you have no idea what kind of a way to help you relax, put your trust in science. More and more researchers agree that exposure to nature uplifting and energizing. "
4. Take a look at the world in a new way. "Allow yourself to explore it. Wherever you are - go for a walk and check out what's new, you can find for yourself. Try to get lost every time before turning decide where you want to go - left or right - and check where the result will prove to be "- advises Grunfeld.
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