How not to suffer from loneliness

Stop being shy lonely

Silent about their feelings is dangerous

It so happened that loneliness is perceived by society as something shameful. Many are afraid of what others will say about them: they shall call them neobayatelny, losers or weird. Therefore, they prefer not to talk about feeling worthless and out of touch with society.

Sometimes, single people are experiencing difficulties due to the fact that they consider themselves some wrong or unworthy of communication. After all, "if you have no friends, then most likely, you do something wrong." Therefore, they prefer no one to share his real "I".

This uncertainty prevents the establishment relations with others. However, if no one will know what you really are, chances are you and have to stay lonely.

Inability to speak openly about his loneliness only exacerbates the problem. If you condemn yourself for your own sense, it becomes more difficult to make any steps to change the situation. Because everything else you start to judge yourself for something that does not take any action to solve the main problem.

Loneliness is not always right determined by us

In fact, this feeling does not depend on how many friends you have. It does not mean the absence of the second half or friends with whom you can spend a weekend. This inner feeling. Someone may just rarely communicate with others, and who is constantly surrounded by people, but it feels the same.

Hundreds and thousands of "friends" on social networks is not the same thing as the person with whom pleasant to see a movie or a cup of coffee. You can experience a deep sense of loneliness, being in the company of friends, with the second half, or an old friend, knowing that you do not feel absolutely no connection with these people.

It should be remembered that loneliness - no privacy when you want to be alone with yourself, and get pleasure from it.

Be lonely - so do not feel a meaningful connection with others and the world around them.

Psychologist John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick popularizer of science in his studyLoneliness: Human nature and the need for social connection We identified three factors that affect the extent to which a person feels lonely.

1. Vulnerability to a lack of communication. Everyone has a genetically caused the need for social integration, so your level of necessary socialization will be different from someone else. That is, the greater the need for communication you experience, the more difficult it meet and higher risk to begin to feel lonely.

2. The ability to manage emotions. And not only externally but also internally. Anyone who suffers when his need for communication is not satisfied. And if loneliness lasts too long, it could turn into a real depression.

How well do you manage to cope with their feelings, it affects the emotional state. Constantly being in a depressed mood can start misinterpret the intentions of others. It begins to seem as if they are trying to avoid contact with you, though in practice this is not always the case.

We have to learn to make their own feelings of loneliness without judging him or herself or others. They are constantly looking for a way to cope with it.

3. Expectations and perceptions of others. If you feel useless, it does not mean that you do not have the ability to communicate. Although, of course, in this case, both the desire and the opportunity to use them will be small.

Lonely often seems as if they are doing everything possible to make friends and feel the connection with someone. Just no one answers them in return.

In the end this deception makes it worse - begins to show dissatisfaction. People suffering from loneliness, are prone to accusations and negative reaction to the criticism. Their feelings are expressed resentment and anger. And that is what often becomes a reason that no longer communicate with them.

Some single people come social fears. They see danger in the other, they begin to be afraid of criticism and condemnation from the side. their body language produces uncertainty and suffering they are experiencing, and the facial expression seems repulsive to others. In this case, in fact, they may crave communication, but do not ignore the fact that their body transmits reverse.

All sometimes feel lonely

Often people feel that their situation is special, and the feelings that they are experiencing abnormal. But we all have to experience at least once solitude: an ordinary crossing, the release from the school or other life changes.

Unhappy people are often not focused on those people who are in a similar situation to him, and to those who are currently suffering from it do not. Temporary feeling of loneliness can be called a part of our lives. That's because people - social creatures. And most of us appreciate the love, intimacy and social connections higher than, for example, wealth and fame.

Loneliness is useful

StudyThe neural bases of social pain: Evidence for shared representations with physical painSpent using functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) showed that, when you are suffering from lack of communication, activates the same brain area that is responsible for emotional cues perceived by them at physical pain.

Just as physical pain protects people from the dangers of loneliness - social pain - safeguard against the risk separate from society. It suggests that it is time to do something about their behavior or start to pay more attention to relations with the people who matter.

If this pain is there for a long time, it can become chronic. And simple communication will not help here.

Do not blame yourself

1. Stop condemning their feelings. This is the main thing. Accuse and blame yourself for them is ineffective and wrong. I feel lonely without a serious and meaningful relationships - is fine.

2. Realize that your problem is not exclusive. Today's mobile society is in constant motion, and this makes it difficult to establish and maintain relationships. The very acceptance of that loneliness - part of the human condition will find the energy to overcome it.

3. Remember, that alone does not always blame your communication skills. Even if you are perfectly able to communicate can sometimes be unbearable the thought of how to get out of his hole to meet people. Loneliness leads to depression and isolate desired.

4. Analyze his childhood. Loneliness, which we experienced in school or kindergarten is closely connected with the fact that we are experiencing in their adult life, and how to treat it.

We can feel useless because of the fact that they had received little love in his childhood. Sometimes the problem worsens discrimination and negativity from other people because of any physical or psychological features.

Often loneliness begins to struggle for friends at school, jokes with the fact that there was simply no one to talk at dinner, or play on the playground. Even differences in interests - for example, all loved video games, and you football - also lead to separation from the group. Maybe as a child you were the only one's best friend, who had left, or you had a fight with him.

One only true way to quickly get rid of loneliness there. However, these general rules of work. And the most important of them - to make themselves and their feelings.