How to stop worrying about what others think of you

Why do we care about the opinions of others

Everyone wants to please others, he wants to be attractive in the eyes of others. Many constantly monitors his page in Facebook and Instagram, counting huskies and comments. Like the other - the desire, which came into being with us.

As we grow up, we learn to separate your thoughts and emotions on the opinions of others, but Many of us continue to seek, in some cases, and request approval of their actions on the part of others. This can lead to serious problems, especially when it comes to self-esteem and happiness. Recently conducted a survey, which was attended by 3000 people. 67% of respondents admitted that their self-esteem depends on other people's opinions.

We react to everything that surrounds us. We have a long established expectations about how to be the world works and how people should behave, it was inhabited. And one of our firmly established beliefs is that we know how other people have to respond to us, in our appearance and behavior.

About 100 years ago, the sociologist Charles Cooley gave the theory of the mirror "I", which are as follows:

I am not what I think of myself, and I do not what others think of me. I am what I am thinking about what others think of me.

This proves once again how much importance we attach to the opinions of other people.

However, we forget that other people often judge us based on their past experiences, habits, feelings - everything that has nothing to do with us. Therefore, basing self-worth on the opinions of other people is very unreliable.

When you rely on estimates of other people, you try to please them, to rise in their eyes and eventually lose their "I".

But there is good news in our power to stop it. We can become self-sufficient and do not look at the others, wondering how they evaluate every step.

How not to worry about other people's opinions

1. Remind yourself that many people do not think about you at all

We would worry less about what others think of us, if you would have realized how seldom they do.

Ethel Barrett writer

Nothing could be closer to the truth than this statement. Other people have better things to do than sit and think about you. If you think that someone is thinking about you ill, mentally criticizes you, stop: maybe it's your imagination? Maybe it's just an illusion that feed your inner fears and insecurities. If you are constantly engaged in self-flagellation, it becomes a real problem that will poison your whole life.

2. Think with your head

Sit in a relaxed environment and think about what place in your life takes someone else's opinion. Think about situations in which the assessment of the other are important for you. Determine how you react to them. If you understand that the estimates and opinions of others determine your self-esteem, then think about how to change the model behavior.

Say to yourself: "Rather than rely on others again, I learned to listen and to hear his own thoughts and think only of his head." Learn how to prune unnecessary noise, separate the wheat from the chaff. The more you do that, the faster it will go into a habit.

The ultimate goal of all this - never allow the opinions of others to determine what kind of person you are and how you live. Realize that no one will ever be able to make you feel like a "little man", if you do not give him that power.

3. Feel free - do not try to find out what others think about you

When people begin to exhibit their creations to the public, such as to blogThey often experience, whether others like it. Even more they experience when plague themselves with the thought that other people do not like their work. Until one day, they do not understand how much time and energy spent on these useless experience.

Suppose you have a new mantra that you repeat to yourself every day:

This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons. I should not care what others think about it.

4. Pay attention to what's really important

People will always think what they want. You can not control the thoughts of others. Even if you carefully choose your words and you have excellent manners, this does not mean that you'll be all good. Everything can be misinterpreted and turn upside down.

What really matters is how you evaluate yourself. Therefore, taking important decisions, try to be 100% true to their beliefs and values. Never be afraid to do what they thought was right.

Start with the fact that the list of 5-10 characteristics that are important to you. For example:

• honesty;
• self-esteem;
• self-discipline;
• compassion;
• focus on success, and so on.

If you have such a list, you'll be much less likely to take unweighted solutions, you will have a system of principles and eventually you will respect yourself for that.

5. Stop thinking that it is not like somebody - this end of the world

And if they do not like? What if a person who cares about me, I will answer the refusal? What if I would be considered a black sheep? These and similar questions tormented people too often. Remember: if you are someone does not like, and even if the people who are dear to you, do not feel like to you - this is not the end of the world.

But we continue to be afraid of it this mythical "doomsday" and let fear get the better of us, as they are constantly feeding yourself.

Ask yourself, "If my fears are justified and the worst happens, what will I do?" Tell yourself the story (and preferably write it down) how you will feel after a failure, how you will be disappointed, and then realize that it is a negative, but all the same experience, and will move further. This simple exercise will help you understand that it is not like anyone else - it's not so scary.