How to stop being a victim: practical advice from a therapist

What does it mean to be a victim

These attributes will help you understand that you occupy the position of the victim.

1. You do not control their own lives

The sacrifice imposed on the mindset, behaviors and even the style of clothing. The steering wheel is almost always in the hands of others.

The victims - especially those who spend their lives under the dictation of others. They find that do things in the depths of the soul of them unsympathetic, or drawn into them alien activity bringing mainly a feeling of regret.

"Getting rid of victim complex"

2. You act from a position of weakness

People with a victim complex often consider themselves to be smart enough or able to take a proactive stance. Therefore, they choose a position of weakness: shift important decisions on other, more powerful and solid, in their opinion, people. Victims shunned independence even in small things: give the right to choose dishes in a cafe or obediently go to a movie that does not want to watch.

3. Life does not work for you

If you feel that you spend all the time and to please others, have to adapt and do what they do not like, out of a sense of duty - you're in the position of the victim.

4. Anxiety and self-deprecation - your companions

Victims suffer from an inferiority complex. They strongly belittle themselves in internal dialogue and to other people. This is evident even in the details. For example, a person does not take compliments reserve the burnt piece of cake or agrees to low wages.

Alternative behavior: free and strong personality

Opposite to the victims of state - individual freedom.

Freedom means that no one bothers you to manage their own lives according to their choice. Settle for anything less - then select one of the forms of slavery.

"Getting rid of victim complex"

Do not be fooled by the tricks of people who are told that freedom - is selfishness and irresponsibility. Responsibility - the result of choice, you take it on yourself voluntarily. In no case should not go to you on a whim or under social pressure.

"Are the most free in the world of those who are in harmony with themselves: they just do not pay attention to claims of others, because they themselves are effectively equip and direct their lives, "- Wayne Dyer writes in his book.

How to get out of the victim

Perform only two important recommendations.

1. Believe in its importance and defends it

The first step to overcome the victim complex - the awareness of the value of his personality. Do not allow anyone to challenge or diminish your value. Never put yourself lower than others.

2. Start behaving like a strong personality

Develop the habit of free and independent people, get rid of self-condemnation and complaints about life. Do not expect gifts from fortune, count on their own strength.

Practice confident behavior in everyday situations

To become a stronger person, it is not necessary to perform the feat, or manage others. Suffice it to operate from a position of strength in normal situations. Practice regularly and eventually confident behavior will become second nature.

Here are a few tips that you can put into practice every day.

1. Stop asking for permission from other

This, of course, is not about to forget the courtesy and invade other people's boundaries. Habit of victims is that they ask permission for actions that are in their borders and should be accomplished without someone else's permission.

Right to express their legitimate demands and openly inform about the intentions. Instead, the question "Can I exchange an item" Insert seller before the fact: "I want to return the money for a suit, he did not size." It is not necessary to ask a partner, whether it is possible to go to a party or a football match. Notify about your plans directly, without excuses and blame tone.

You are an adult and can act in their own interests without someone else's permission.

2. Demonstrate confidence in speaking

See the interlocutor in the eye, speak clearly, without long pauses and interjections uncertain, do not go in circles. Very important posture and facial expressions. Stand tall (slouching - a sign of an insecure person), not grimacing, get rid of nervous gestures.

3. Do not help people if you do not want

It may sound rude. But how many times do you have to lend when not like this? Or how many times to listen to complaints colleagues to life simply because it is supposed to? Denial does not make you a bad person and chorstvym. Note: when helping others, you behave like a victim, you will use. Do good deeds from a pure heart and free will, and not out of politeness or guilt.

4. Do not be afraid to talk about themselves and share with others

Victims often pick up every word and are afraid that any information will be used against them. Do not harass a fear of this kind. Years of fear to show their true nature on the public leads to the fact that you forget who you really are and what you want.

Communication is meaningless and empty, if you do not disclose to others.

Of course, the information should be appropriate to the situation and the degree of trust between the interlocutors. Do not go to extremes. The ability to maintain a balance - one more sign of a strong personality.

5. Insist on quality performance of services for which pay

Check checks in shops, restaurant bills, shelf-life and safety of the goods. If you are not satisfied with the quality of services, do not hesitate to request a replacement or compensation. Do not let people who you pay to turn you into a victim. You should not brush off and silently away from the store or restaurant - requires a quality of service, replacement of meals or a refund.

Learn your consumer rights and use them. For the money you are entitled to get a good product or a delicious meal. This does not mean that you have to argue and scandals in any case. The client can always vote ruble - simply refuse to pay for bad service or spoiled goods. Go to a restaurant or shop, where you in what does not put, - the lot of the victims.

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Once and forever to say goodbye to the role of the victim, enough to take a firm decision to take their lives into their own hands. Self-reliance, confidence, a sense of self-importance - is the basis of the behavior of a free man. If you decide to make this a reality, the book of Wayne Dyer's "How to get rid of victim complex" will be a great help.

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