How to be happy for the opinion of psychologists
A Life / / December 19, 2019
David Robson
A science journalist for the BBC, the author of error of thinking The Intelligence Trap.
What is happiness
Some believe that to achieve happiness need to work tirelessly. And the more you invest, the more you get.
For example, the author of the popular book "Yes, pray, love"Elizabeth Gilbert writes about happiness:" This is nothing, as a result of work on oneself. We must fight for happiness, seek it, to persist and sometimes even embark on a journey to the other end of the world in his quest. Take continuing involvement in the achievement of his own happiness. And nearer to a state of bliss, applying powerful effort to always move upward on a wave of happiness, kept afloat. Costs just relax - and a state of inner satisfaction eludes us. "
Someone is the approach, but it can bring many benefits not but harm. Including lead to stress feeling, loneliness and their own inadequacy. Then the happiness is better seen as a timid bird: the more aspire to catch it, the farther it flies.
How attitude affects life satisfaction
Moss psychologist Iris (Iris Mauss) of the University of California at Berkeley, one of the first to explore the idea. It has inspired an incredible amount of self-help books, which were published in the United States over the past couple of decades. In many of these happiness it is presented as a prerequisite of our existence.
"Wherever you look, everywhere a book about happiness importance that we almost do not have to be happy - says Moss. - Because of this, people have high expectations: it seems that you need to be happy or constantly experience unbelievable happiness. This is frustrating in itself. "
Moss also wondered whether the cause is not a simple question, "How happy I am?" Introspection, which suppresses the same feeling that the person is trying to identify himself. She tested this theory a number of experimentsCan Seeking Happiness Make People Happy? Paradoxical Effects of Valuing Happiness.
In one of the participants were given a large questionnaire, where it was necessary to evaluate such statements:
- Just how happy I am at any given time, says a lot about how my life worthwhile.
- That my life was complete, I should feel happy most of the time.
- I appreciate things only in terms of how they affect my personal happiness.
As expected, the more participants disapproved of these statements, the less they were satisfied with their lives.
But even in the results were affected by the circumstances of life of participants. Attitude fortunately did not affect the well-being of those who have recently experienced a difficult situation, for example, loss.
The desire to be happy will not worsen your condition when you are in a difficult position. But when everything is in order, it can reduce life satisfaction.
Then, Moss and colleagues checked whether it is possible to change the short-term happiness, affecting the attitude. To do this, she asked for one half of the participants to read a fictional newspaper article about the importance of happiness, and the other - a similar article about the use of common sense. Then all the participants showed a touching film about the victory in the Olympics, and then asked about their feelings.
Scientists have again noticed the ironic effect: the film is less influenced by the mood of those who inspired the desire for happiness the corresponding article. She raised the expectations of the participants about how they "should" feel when watching an optimistic film.
As a result, they are constantly checking their feelings. And when they do not coincide with those expectations, the participants experienced the frustration rather than excitement. You are probably faced with during big events like a wedding or a long-awaited travels.
The more you want to enjoy every moment, so it becomes boring.
Moss has also proved that the desire for happiness and the pursuit of it can strengthenThe Pursuit of Happiness Can Be Lonely the feeling of loneliness and isolation. Perhaps, because it draws attention to themselves and their feelings rather than to appreciate the people around them.
"Introversion may lead to the fact that we become less interact with other people - adds Moss. - and negatively perceive them, if we think that they "interfere" to our happiness. "
As the pursuit of happiness is related to the perception of time
Other scientists have foundVanishing time in the pursuit of happinessThat the conscious pursuit of happiness seems like time for anything lacking. They also conducted several experiments.
In one of the participants had to list ten things that would make their life happy. For example, a few hours a week to spend time with his family. However, rather than to cause their optimism towards the future, this has led to stress.
Participants were worried that they not enough timeTo do it all, and as a result feel less happy. This does not happen if they simply list what makes them happy at the moment. The problem has been the desire is to strengthen the happiness.
Happiness - a vague and changeable target. Even if now you are happy, you want to extend this feeling. As a result of complete happiness always remains elusive.
"Happiness is transformed from a pleasant sensation, which I can enjoy the moment, to something burdensome, to aspire to, not hard, "- says psychologist Sam Maglio (Sam Maglio), one of the lead authors research.
What to do to be happy
According to scientists, "mighty effort to always move upward on a wave of happiness, kept afloat," described by Elizabeth Gilbert, on the contrary make us less happy.
Of course, this is not a reason to avoid major life decisions that have a positive impact on your condition. For example, break toxic relations or to see a specialist in depression. Sometimes really need to focus on their immediate well-being.
But if you are not faced with serious life's problems, try changing your attitude towards happiness. We spend a lot of time on social networks, as they reinforce our desire to live more interesting. When in fact they are - just a retouched version of someone's life. According to Maglio, we would have been happier, not looking at other people's standards of a full existence.
Constant mention of how someone took a trip to an exotic country or went to a sumptuous dinner, create a sense of what other people are happier than you.
studies confirmThe Secret to Happiness: Feeling Good or Feeling Right?That in the long term, greater life satisfaction experienced by those who accept the negative emotions and do not regard them as enemies of their well-being.
"In an effort to be happy, you can become intolerant towards all unpleasant in life, - says Moss. - And blame yourself for feeling incompatible with happiness. " She advises to perceive the negative emotions as a fleeting phenomenon and do not try to completely eliminate them from life.
Of course, some little tricks to improve the state of health and did not refuse them. For example, a diary of gratitude and good deeds cause a pleasant feeling in the present moment. Just do not expect them to immediately and dramatically change your mood. And do not go too far in the analysis of their feelings.
Remember that happiness is like a shy animal. As soon as you stop chasing after him, you will find that it appears by itself.
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