How to gain confidence and become conceited: Secrets leaders

Remember the moment in which you feel confident. Did you know that you can handle anything that you came over. You were steeper mountains and did everything right. You were in shock.

It's a magical feeling about which we dream. That's what they write Katty Kay (Katty Kay) and Claire Shipman (Claire Shipman) in the book "The very confidence. How to overcome the internal barriers and realize themselves»:

Scientists have come to the conclusion that confidence - a key element of well-being and happiness, you need to complete life. Without confidence one can not enter into a state of flux, almost euphoric feeling of concentration described Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Confidence attracts, motivates us to follow leaders even ends of the earth. But add in this barrel of honey drop of tar, and confidence is transformed into arrogance.

Where is the dividing line between these states? The matter of modesty. True confidence is a lot, and the greatest of its capabilities - to make way for other people's thoughts and ideas.

Is it possible to consciously be humble

As modesty and self-interact with each other and how to find their optimal ratio? To be an effective leader and respected man, both components are needed.

The balance between them involves a lot of nuances, and it is best to balance the problem of finding reflects this picture:

The distinction between these qualities are so thin that they are located on the top of the pyramid of leadership, composed by Jim Collins (Jim Collins).

The fifth level pyramid includes professional and personal aspirations of modesty. The leaders of this level turn good companies into great.

And how do we catch the elusive balance?

confidence Science: Why we do not know that we are cool

Part of the reason for the difficult balance between the search for confidence and humility is that we ourselves do not know.

Pay attention to the fact that although statistically it is incredibly, 93% of drivers believe that their driving skills are above average. And 94% of university professors evaluate their teaching abilities as well - above average.

The average person is sure that he is above the average.

So the problem with confidence or with modesty? And with that, and with the other.

It turns out that the least qualified people tend to overestimate themselves, while the best players - underestimate. In other words, between our real abilities and their own assessment of these abilities may lie abyss!

This paradox effect is known as Dunning - KrugerAnd on the chart it looks like this:

This effect shows how strange the brain works when it comes to self-assessment.

Confidence and humility: where you're wrong?

Perhaps the best thing you can do to balance, is to determine how you feel about yourself right now. Do you tend to arrogance (you too believe in yourself) or to disappointment in myself (when confidence is not enough). What should pay attention:

1. Floor. Women self-esteem tend to understate, and men - to inflate. Research a business school at Columbia University have shown that the average male is 30% overestimate their abilities.
2. Place of residence. Psychologist David Dunning (David Dunning) says that your relationship with yourself is dependent on the culture in which you are brought up. Eastern cultures are focused on self-improvement, self-esteem and western worship.
3. Test results. Still do not know where you warp? go psychological testing (But do not get carried away questionable online quiz composed schoolchildren).

Symptoms of low self-esteem

There are common places common to all people with low self-esteem. Here are signals that you may notice at:

1. You have in mind there are a lot of plans that you year after year to realize the dream, but do not do it.
2. You do not ask for a raise, and if they ask, you still underestimate their work. Men are usually more confident, four times more likely than women to begin negotiations on a wage increase. And when women are asked to increase, the size of the expected increase of 30% less than men.
3. You are in doubt when making of important decisions.
4. You imagine that everything is interested in your ups and downs.

Signs of inflated self-esteem

Babinek Martin (Martin Babinec), entrepreneur and investor, was succinct list of features that will help you discover that you shall set aside arrogance. Some items are hard to see for themselves. People with high self-esteem are:

1. Constantly emphasize their achievements in conversation.
2. Do not think about what you do not know and do not look for topics to be studied.
3. Do not express interest in the people with whom you communicate.
4. Start communicating only because it promises a personal benefit.
5. Different attitudes towards colleagues and staff.

It is interesting that people whose self-esteem is rejected (it does not matter which way) ego He plays too large a role in my life.

I have met many of those who were technically good at what he does, but their egos prevented them from working. One of the attention they have paid work. Another - himself. Their ego demands attention and consumes energy, indignation, if it is not enough. But not enough is never. "Who is worthy of recognition, if not me," All what they want - this benefit or power, and work no more to them than a means to achieve these goals. And when the work is necessary only for that, it loses quality.

Tolle Eckhart (Eckhart Tolle)

6 ways to boost self-esteem

1. Down with perfectionism

Everyone knows the old trick of the interview. You are asked to talk about the shortcomings. You will be turned out by saying that you are a perfectionist. Profit!

Elizabeth Gilbert (Elizabeth Gilbert) wants to destroy confidence in the use of perfectionism. In his book about the creation of "Most magic" she says:

Intrigue perfectionism is that it masquerades as a virtue. This fear in mink coat and boots fashion: he pretends to be elegant, but really terrible. This is nothing like a deep inner suffering that repeatedly makes repeated: "I am not good enough and will never be good enough." Striving for perfectionism is just a waste of time, because it does not cost anything to the constant criticism. At some point, you just need to finish the job and leave it as it is. The only way to move on and do other things with a light heart.

Perfection is unattainable, and it hinders the act. Focus on progress and improvement, developing a mindset of growth.

2. Play it safe

I'm not going to be perfect, but it's something I'll try.

This is the mantra of Tom Kelly (Tom Kelley), author of the book "Creative confidence». It offers gather the courage to work on their ideas, art, or any other.

Like a mantra from a book - "I doubt - act." The authors say: "Nothing gives confidence more than the case, especially when the actions involve the risk of failure."

3. Use confident gestures

Radiating confidence body language helps to get a great job, to embody ideas and feel successful. Here is a list of the best combinations:

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Social psychologist Amy Cuddy (Amy Cuddy) recommends several posThat increase self-confidence.

4. release of failure

Cool to admit mistakes. dips - is the best way to grow.

But people with low self-esteem dwell on the past wrong steps, though it has learned from them all possible lessons.

Reprogram the brain to turn off the negative feedback. Replace the thought of every failure with thoughts of three achievements or successes (even small). Or write failures on paper and get an alternative perspective on failure.

5. Dress aggressively

Sometimes you need to be inspired by the images of the coolest characters from movies and TV series like Cookie Lyon (Cookie Lyon) from "Empire".

Jasmine Hughes (Jazmine Hughes), executive editor of the New York Times Magazine, tried this tactic when it is rolled impostor syndrome. She week wore flashy sets, like the heroine of the television show, dressing up and helped her find the strength.

When I told a colleague that I feel in this dress silly and tasteless, she was surprised. "I think it looks great! - she said. - Like always achieve the desired "We'll have to believe it!.

Jasmine Hughes

6. accept praise

I had to give up compliments, answer that you do not deserve it? Make their achievements more pleasant than to belittle them.

Learn to accept compliments. when you praise, Replied: "Thank you! I am very pleased". Try it and you will be surprised how much strength and confidence will get after their words.

5 ways to become more modest

Tony Schwartz (Tony Schwartz) in the New York Times gave a good definition of modesty:

Genuine humility is not a reflection of weakness or uncertainty. On the contrary, it means understanding the strengths of others, lack of pretension, a sense of quiet confidence and does not require the recognition of others.

Thus, assurance and modesty linked. Perhaps they are two sides of the same coin. And if you want to become a modest, here are some ways.

1. Say "I do not know"

"I dont know". This is the most powerful words that you can say the team. When leader modestly admits he does not know all the answers, it creates an open space for the other team members, who can take a step forward and offer a solution. So subordinates feel less dependent. The team in this case understands that it is better to rely on teamwork and rely on each other when it comes to complicated and obscure tasks.

2. serve others

Best leader - someone who do not even suspect the existence. And when his work is done, the goal is achieved, people say, "This we have done!"

Lao Tzu

Humble leaders inspire others to achieve.

The term "leader-servant" was proposed by Robert Greenleaf (Robert K. Greenleaf) in the essay "The leader as a servant». It all starts with the human desire to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings him to lead the pursuit. Such a person is very different from any who seek power for the sake of power or for material well-being.

3. Talk Error

Few openly admit errors. They need to learn and share lessons learned.

Talk about their vulnerable points are always difficult, but it opens up an exciting discussion and leads to significant changes. And people are more attracted to the same imperfect as they are, and not to the perfect robots.

4. Look for other points of view

A key way to modesty development - communication with people whose views differ from yours.

Before you make any decision, I make a stop. Then, talk to people, to which future changes will affect. I try to tell them as much information about the problem without offering a way out. As a result, anyone can find a solution better than I do. And our conversion take into account more factors.

Joel Gascoigne (Joel Gascoigne), founder of Buffer

5. Review your point of view

Jim Collins (Jim Collins) in the book "From good to great"Mentions two signs of a humble leader:

1. Directs the ambitions of the company, rather than on themselves, appoint a successor who can multiply the success in the future.
2. Looking out the window, not in the mirror. In other words, it distributes benefits so that it led to the development of the company.

When on the way there is ego, try changing your attitude towards the situation. Remind yourself that you are working in the interest of the organization, the team, the overall benefits, not only for themselves.

Is it bad over-confidence

We have said that over-confidence becomes arrogance. But if it happens all the time? Studies show that there is.

Cameron Anderson (Cameron Anderson), a psychologist at the University of California, came to the conclusion that self-confident students (Even if no confidence was reinforced by achievements) achieved a higher social status, respect and influence, recognition. Maybe they were not the best students, but they were the most popular among their peers.

Their self-confidence is not irritated by others, because they are not pretending.

What does it mean? If you are trying to be modest, it will not hurt you in any way - even the largest - the amount of confidence.

For example, successful entrepreneurs often exhibit overconfidence with regard to several things:

1. Its ability to prevent bad results.
2. Business prospects.
3. Life expectancy.

And that the reasons for which they are moving forward, despite the impossibly difficult.

Entrepreneur needs an unrealistic level of confidence, or you'll never start. Running a business is incredibly difficult, even painful. Need an abyss of self-confidence and belief in yourself to overcome all obstacles.

David Rose (David S. Rose), businessman

The relationship of modesty and confidence are complex and interesting. They are two sides of the same coin. And as you have things to do with them?