The 7 Habits of emotionally healthy people

If we get sick, we go to the doctor, buying prescribed medicines and starting treatment. If we get injured, we treat the wound and tape up them. And all this - absolutely normal behavior. Because from childhood we are taught to take care of themselves, as a biological organism, ie to monitor their physical health. But here's what to do with our spiritual side we have not been told anything. We also have not taken to learn to protect themselves from psychological trauma, although they can be much more dangerous than physical.

Guy Winch, a practicing licensed psychologist and author «The Squeaky Wheel» magazine gives 7 simple tips to help you maintain mental balance and emotional health.

1. Strengthen control after an error

Errors distorted perception of reality. You may begin to feel that your goals are drawn away to an even greater distance, and your ability were much more modest than initially thought. Once you feel that the effort is unlikely to lead to success, you will be discouraged and lose motivation. Why take the effort to do something, to try if it still does not work ?!

In this case, you have to learn to ignore and put out similar impulses to give up and hide in a corner darker. Instead, you need to sit down and make a list of what depends on you directly, that is, that you can influence. And then think carefully about how to strengthen each of these points. This will not only help get rid of the feeling of helplessness, but also increase your chances of success.

2. Finding meaning in the injury or loss

One major factor that differentiates people who continue to thrive emotionally after an injury or loss from those who once It is extinguished - that is their ability to find meaning in the resulting negative experiences, to set new goals for yourself and move on through life for the lesson. Of course, this process takes some time, as well as the process of adaptation to the new conditions and grief (if it was a human loss). In any case, if you want to move on, you have to learn not to dwell on what was lost, and finding new purpose and new meaning. No matter what happened, you can not press pause and stay in the moment. We need to move on.

3. Stop all the time to reflect and to exhaust themselves

Breaking bad events on the components and deep reflections on each passage is unlikely to help you find the cause of the failure. Rather, you will again and again to play at a sad scenario in my head that immerse you in the painful memories and unpleasant thoughts deeper. To get rid of this, you need to switch to something more pleasant. This should be done immediately, as soon as you catch yourself on negative thoughts.

Of course, easier said than done. These scenes of failure (stupid phrase, inappropriate response, wrong action) is very tenacious and sticky. They are difficult to get rid of. And in this case, it helps only what you really like. Go to the cinema or to an exhibition. Meet up with friends, read a book, take a walk down the street, and even better - mileage! Try everything, "medication" until you find her, or else risk becoming a donkey Eeyore for a very long time!

4. Nurture your self-esteem

Self-esteem of man is constantly fluctuating and depends on his state of health on different days. Today you a compliment and you feel that you can move mountains. And the next time you will find yourself a loser just because of the fact that someone Naham you transport.

To your self-esteem does not suffer from mood surges and changes in the weather, it is necessary to bring "emotional immune system." The best way of healing the injured self-esteem - a compassion for yourself, beloved. Once you have a thought in my head to criticize their actions, or to his general, chase them away and better think about what you would say to his friend, as if to comfort him, if your place was he or she? You can even write a letter of support and send it to your email.

Sounds weird. The process is even more strange. But it acts :) As they say: "Who will praise me even as I am not myself?"

5. Resurrect your self-esteem after a failure

Denial - it's always hard. Whether it's denial of the desired position or work, or refusal of a loved one in reciprocity. Most people immediately begin to engage in soul-searching and self-torture, believing that the problem definitely lies in them. And if it hurts so much, so they are - losers, weak, fragile, unworthy and even n-th number of obscene curses in the direction of his personality. But, in fact, the cause of failure can be completely out of them, just a self-centered human brain transmits information in this form.

The best way to recover from the trauma - to list their strengths. Praise yourself and ask others about it. Who refuses another's request to list his strengths or something for which he is loved and appreciated?

6. Defeat loneliness by determining the self-destructive behaviors

"Chronic loneliness" - is much more common than you think. Despite the fact that this is an emotional state, it has a direct impact on your physical condition until the reduction of the period of life. The problem with this behavior is that once felt an unpleasant sensation of rejection, you You start on a subconscious level to avoid doing things that could lead to a repetition of similar situation. This means that you try to maintain a distance in relations with the people around you and are very reluctant to go to the convergence of (if not completely eliminate it from your life).

One of the most striking examples of such behavior can be traced Lyudmila Prokofyevna of "Office Romance":

... and he's gone to my closest friends. Since then I have got rid of all her friends. I have them eliminated.

Lyudmila Prokofyevna

As a result, a person is immersed in loneliness. Around it can be a huge number of people, but none of them will ever know what it actually feels and thinks about what he wants. On this topic there is one on Layfhakere a great video with TED - «Sherry Turkle on social network alone.»

Moreover, people are gradually drawn into this state, and this is starting to like him. There is nothing wrong with that, you rarely go to the night-school students or meeting. It is one thing if you - an introvert by nature and people, in principle, not very much and love, and quite another thing when you do not go there because you feel as if you are there are not interesting and will only interfere. Such behavior is unacceptable, and if let things slide, more will only get worse.

To return to their seats quickly will not work because the process of return to society will be quite painful. firstThat you should do as soon as your head will be thoughts like "I will not go there, because I was there not interesting to anyone," straighten itself and switch to something else. second: you should make a list of excuses, which usually were covered in order not to go to an event or meeting. third: make a list of people in a society where you were once comfortable is. And the last stage - the fourth: Plan your calendar meetings with these people so that they have at least one or two a week at first. Fill your "social calendar" and again drawn into the conversation.

In fact, the mechanism is the same as overcoming the other, simpler complexes: the inability to say "no" fear of asking questions and the like.

7. Get rid of excessive guilt with "repair relations"

Typically, an exaggerated sense of guilt arises when on the actions (or inaction) of a person injured by someone else, and the victim has not forgiven him for that. Often, this feeling does not occur because the second does not know how to forgive, so that the first, that is guilty, can not properly ask for forgiveness at the right time. That is, you made someone sick and apologized once in passing (muttered under his breath, "I'm sorry"). And it is very much felt. Of course, technically you can forgive after such an apology, but hidden resentment will remain and you will feel it. And this feeling will not give you peace of mind while you are completely finished with the situation. Moreover, it will harm your everyday life, ranging from such trifles as the termination of a visit, for example, cafe or restaurant, if the incident occurred there, and ending with a complete breakdown of the relationship, if it all happened to someone you know you man. Agree that to sever relations with a friend or a waiver of any pizza because of the banal inability to properly apologize just silly.

And here it really works generally "better late than never." If you are sincerely sorry, you will always be forgiven. And the most important criterion here is not your verbal skill and sincerity. Be false, and you already can never forgive. From the heart, ask for forgiveness and to explain everything - you will welcome back. And your guilt is dissolved shortly thereafter;)

All of the above situations and problems can be reduced to seven simple truths that most people, for some reason, deliberately neglected: to take their mistakes and stop ourselves for them scourged; not to dwell on the negative and even lesions to find a new purpose and meaning; stop exhaust itself; love yourself; praise themselves; forgive yourself and be able to sincerely apologize to the other.

It seems to be so simple and at the same time terribly difficult.