Anger management or how to direct energy in the right direction

Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that reflects our inner state. It helps us instinctively detect and respond to dangerous situations. Also, anger can be a great driving force for the start of really good things.

But more often uncontrollable anger is the cause of stress and problems: relations with colleagues, relatives, friends and the outside world and even himself.

MD, Redford Williams, author of the best-selling book "Anger kills» (Anger Kills), offers 12 steps to curb this difficult and turbulent emotions.

How it works?

Anger - is a well-developed mechanism, which is activated when our plans are upset or we feel a threat to themselves, loved ones, the dear things, or at least expensive ideas. It helps us to react quickly to the situation and find solutions when there is a thorough analysis of the time. Also, it is one of the engines of progress, which helps us to find a way out of the situation and solve the problems that hinder the achievement of these goals.

The danger of anger - stupidity

The danger lies in the anger of human stupidity. We can react properly and to spoil relations. This is especially true instant of angry reactions.

The main task is to learn to take himself in hand, in cases when our lives are not threatened by immediate danger, calm down and take the right decision. That is, there is nothing but anger management as the ability time to extinguish the sudden gusts, calm down and take the right decisions, directing our "nuclear energy" in a more peaceful direction.

everything is subjective

People experience anger in different ways. How we differ from each other, and our reactions to the same situation can be diametrically opposed. The fact that you can only slightly annoying, your colleague can bring to rabies. Thus anger management focuses on your reaction to stimuli.

In addition to personal stimuli, there are also universal reason, Which include:
- pain;
- the pursuit;
- attack on us;
- a threat to people, things and ideas that we hold dear.

Tools to manage anger

So Redford Williams offers its 12 steps to help control anger.

Step 1. Keep your diary hostility. Try to write down on a sheet of flip-flops that trigger in you a feeling of anger. Thus you will be able to collect and study all the main causes of your anger and gradually learn to recognize them and to control.

Step 2. If you're still broke down, recognize that you have anger management problems. You can not change what you do not acknowledge. Therefore, recognition and awareness of the problem, understanding that anger - is an obstacle to the achievement of the objectives is one of the first steps.

Step 3. Seek support from others. If you understand that deterrence anger is your problem, do not hide it, and seek support from the people around them that are important to you. They can be the source of your motivation and support to help you if you feel a tantrum again.

Step 4. Using a special technique, which helps to interrupt the tantrum. Stop, take a deep breath, tell yourself that you can handle this situation and stop the negative thoughts.

Step 5.Use empathy (empathy). If the source of your anger is someone else, try to look at what is happening with him. Remind yourself that we are all very subjective and that everybody makes mistakes.

Step 6. Laugh at yourself. Humor is one of the best medicines. Learn to laugh at yourself and not take what is happening close to your heart.

During the next gust of good knock or kick an ATM printer, think about how funny and silly you'll look the part.

Step 7. Relax. Often angry people who sensitive to unpleasant detail. When you learn to relax, you will realize that respond to minor troubles just silly. Why waste your time and spoil the mood yourself and others because of an annoying little things that half the people will forget in 5 minutes?

Step 8. Create an atmosphere of trust. Angry people can be very cynical. They will suspect all others of deliberately sabotage their person, even if still nothing happened. If you can create an atmosphere of trust, the chances that someone really special fouls you will be reduced to a minimum.

Step 9. Speaking ... Misunderstanding is the cause of mistrust and frustration. The more you listen to what you say, the less chance of starting to get angry because you misunderstood what was said.

Step 10. Be persistent. Remember that persistence is absolutely does not mean aggressive. When you start to get angry, you are very difficult to properly express their thoughts. You are too immersed in negative emotions and physiological symptoms (frequent heartbeat and flushing of the face) only prevent you collect responses compelling arguments. If you allow yourself to be assertive and explain to people their views and why you think that way, you will achieve much greater success than the waving hands and sprinkling saliva.

Step 11. Live every day as if it is your last. Life is short and we have it only one, why waste it on negative emotions - an unpardonable folly and extravagance. Understand that when you spend your time on the aggression, you are missing out a huge amount of nice things and moments.

Step 12. Learn to forgive. In order to really change for the better, you need to dig deeper. And we must learn to forgive. It's not as easy as it seems at first glance. You should not just be able to squeeze out something like "I'm not mad at you." You should be able to let go for real. Because the unexpressed resentment or pain eat inside and not allow us to move on. And in the end they still welling up at will with far more devastating consequences.

I'm certainly not a psychologist, but it seems to me that it is so and there are people who will one day come to his office with a gun in his hand.

So stop, take a deep breath and confidently get rid of negative thoughts and move forward toward their goals. Uuuusaaaa;)