10 Toxic phrases that are not worth talking to man in trouble

What words do not need to console

Many phrases from the list of duty steel. We use them without thinking and it does not help a person in danger, and only make the situation worse.

1. "I told you"

It is important the context. If you are a man and encouraged him in the end everything turned out fine, nothing wrong with this phrase no. But more often it is pronounced, when something went wrong. And it's a way to make the other party is even worse.

The meaning of the phrase: I do not want to listen to you, to blame for their problems. This is mixed with a slight feeling of triumph and rivalry, saying, I know how to, and you screwed up again.

Xenia Nesyutina, psychologist, online, head of school for parents

So, if not the worst enemy, experiencing his own triumph in front of you, do not kick the fallen.

2. "I want you good"

This favorite phrase of parents who make excuses for gross invasion in the lives of their grown children. Initially, these words seem innocent and even reconciled, but in fact is very insidious. They prohibit angry with another person, no matter what he did. After all, he tries to you! It seems that we can only accept misaligned and forget about their own desires. Primitive manipulation to which does not go down better.

3. "Yes, I would be in your place ..."

That's lucky you're on the right place and can priosanivatsya against the backdrop of one who got into a difficult situation. Firstly, even if your advice is excellent, people have already enrolled in some other way. Further digging in a situation reminiscent of the crust ripping with sores - so it will never heal. Secondly, you have not been in those conditions and can not know for sure, as it did.

4. "Just get busy, and all as a hand lift"

The reason for a bad mood, melancholy, loss of strength usually lies not in boredom and laziness. Reasons for this may be a mass, including medical.

It seems that in this way you support each other. But the human state of mind does not always depend on the physical.

Oleg Ivanov, a psychologist, a conflict, the head of the Center for settlement of social conflicts

Advice "just go and do something" only exacerbate the situation, because it was added to the melancholy feeling of guilt for the fact that you can not "just" to do something, be glad and rejoice. Most people will close itself and cease to share their problems, because your positive only adds to the pain and suffering.

5. "Well, you have got!"

It seems that this is just a statement of fact. However, the phrase may exacerbate a sense of powerlessness and despair in man in a difficult situation. Especially if it delivers one of the local environment.

6. "You can not listen to me, of course, but I still say"

At first glance, people just express their own opinion and gives a choice - listen to it or not. In fact, no choice interlocutor, of course, does not matter. He was in any case an unreasonable puppy who goes his own way (read: foolishly) or do as he is told. This is just one of the ways to break someone's borders.

Usually, the person who says it, overwhelmed by emotions of anger, envy, resentment. He can not hold back and poured it on you like a bucket of slops.

Xenia Nesyutina

7. "Yes, think of the problem!"

Ejaculation with a sense of "Is it because of this experience!" Does not cheer. If a person is being tortured, then there are reasons. You're given to understand that he did not suffer too important and not enough to be taken seriously.

If you want help, you work with what we have, even if you think that the problem is not worth a jigger.

8. "Perhaps it is no accident occurred"

If trouble arose not just because, but for some higher purpose. Karma, stories about the wages of sin - the myth of the attributes just worldIn which each rewarder of his behavior. Belief in him helps to put up with reality and believe that playing by the rules is nothing wrong will not happen.

Of course, this is a lie. Terrible things happen just with different people, and the guilty can live a long and wonderful life.

So, if a person happened something bad, do not try to calm their anxiety due to the search of his guilt in the incident.

In this reaction, the argument does not sound like a direct accusation, but indirectly. But it can make a person even more depressed and guilt.

Natalia Fedorenko, a practicing psychologist and artist YouDo service

9. "If he will do so again with you, I'll kill him!"

You want to show that always protect the source, but this impulse leads not to the result. Let's say your words are quite serious and plausible. What happens if you do keep them? The aggressor dead defender in prison. Few people will be willing to make such sacrifices.

If the problem persists, you can hardly know about it, because now themselves become a source of danger rather than support.

10. "Yes, he could not do that! What did you do before this? "

The child says that his hit teacher. An employee complained that the chief forces her to sex, threatened with dismissal. That they are at risk of hearing? The one question that conceals "So you're in something wrong."

The reason is still the same belief in a just peace, and respect for authority. And the result - the impunity of the aggressors and the vulnerability of the victims.

What to tell the person in distress

Please note that all inappropriate phrases are not associated with the destination, and with those who speak them. It does not matter whether he expresses his doubts or trying to convince himself that with him something that will not happen, the source acts as a supernumerary in this performance.

If you really want good person in distress, focus on his feelings. He is suffering, experiencing real pain, even if you think the problem is not large. The best thing you can do - hear outIf it is, of course, he wants to share their feelings. Show that you know what he says, do not blame him, empathize. You do not need to euphemisms call all their names. For example, you can say:

• "It's a terrible situation."
• "I understand how you feel bad."
• "I'm on your side, you can count on me."
• "You are in no way to blame, it could happen to anyone."
• "It must be very painful."

Listen to the person's needs and do without the initiative, if you want to offer help. Just ask what you can do. Often, the question itself is already enough to feel better from the realization that it is possible for someone to rely on.

And sometimes not even need to say anything. Just be there.