What prevents self-educate the child

All parents want their children to become strong, successful and happy people. But not everyone notices how do prevent children learn to make headway in life. Children and family psychologist Anna Bykov offers his view of the independent child-rearing problem.

Parents dream of independent children: great when you do not need to control every step and every action of shaking a baby. But independence is necessary first of all to the child. Only an independent person who is accustomed from childhood to take decisions and implement their own ideas, be able to set yourself goals and achieve them.

If you do everything for the child, then he will have no incentive to develop. Conversely, if the adult for the child stop doing what he is already in force, it begins to be implemented independently and meet emerging needs.

Anna Bykov

Author of the book "Self-child, or how to become" lazy mom "," child and family psychologist, educator.

It seems that in this complex? Yet parents always something to prevent release of the child and make it independent. What and how to fight it?

Fear for the child

The most obvious reason that we do not let go of the kids - is banal fear. One year old child may fall and hit. To put something into the outlet. Eat battery. A teenager can communicate with the wrong crowd, fight, walk to school. But you never know fear little from their parents? It turns out that mom and dad are constantly being told, "It do not take, do not go there and do not do anything better than we ourselves." As a result, the child does not learn at first, and then do not want to do it. After all, it is not necessary, because it can be used by parents.

I must admit that for a child to be afraid - this is normal. Completely stop worrying will never be for him. And not to wait for trouble, create a safe environment.

Ideal conditions for the development of autonomy: a safe space + child's personal motivation (interest, need) + confident adult.

This means that the baby can be left alone in the room, if all sockets are closed with plugs, not on the table with cups of hot tea, and all the toys are safe. As soon as a child is to grow, protect him from all dangers will be more difficult. But it will be not necessary: ​​its security framework will grow along with it.

Of course, to get rid of the fear will never be. But nobody said that to be parents - it's easy.

perfectionism

Be prepared for your child's mistakes. independence of science is conceived only in the process of learning from mistakes no one is immune. And if the pasta, which is preparing a first-grader, a little overcooked, there is nothing to worry about. It is more important that the child is helped to prepare dinner.

No need to criticize a child for every mistake. You have to think about what he gained experience, and you, too. You learn to set goals and teach a child - to perform and make decisions.

The need for non-self-child

Paradoxically, the fact is that many parents want that kind of a helpless child. Every time he asks for help (and it does not matter at what age, "child" may be 40 years old), parents receive a confirmation of self-worth. This is what happens when an adult in other areas is not seeking recognition.

Ask yourself this question: "When I am in control, I am acting out of love for the child or for the love of yourself?".

Take the child, not as its continuation, not as an extension of your ego, and as an independent personality, which has its own needs and desires.

To assert themselves at the expense of the child - this is a real meanness. Better to let him live an independent life, while they themselves enjoy a pumping job skills or hobbies.

infantilism

The opportunity to bring an independent child appears only after the independent will of his parents. And if mom or dad are totally dependent on grandparents, do not know how to make decisions, they will not be able to teach this kid.

What to do? Urgent grow and be selected from the opponent's care. How to do it - a separate issue, but it is a necessary condition for the education of the child.

Lack of time

To cultivate self-child, it is necessary to learn a lot. So that then he was able to do everything himself. But the study - a long process that requires parental attention. Sometimes faster to do everything on their own, than to explain and demonstrate.

Remember that half an hour that you spend on training the child, will save you time in the future weeks. It is not necessary for the child to do what he can do for himself, and then independence will come soon.

Noticed that do not give your child develop? read Book Anna Bykova. It further described the typical parental mistakes in education.

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