What to do if you are someone does not like

Remember that experience pain - this is normal

We are painfully react to failure, whatever it may concern: friendship, romance, or to communicate with colleagues. Once this reaction was necessary for survival. When we lived in tribes, to be rejected and expelled from the community almost equal to death. Therefore, if someone rejects us, the brain is so strong chemical reaction that it causes physical pain.

After that, we go through several stages. At first blame yourself. We think we have something to upset another person. Then feel humiliation and shame, feel their own weakness. We try again to win the favor of the man. "Do not even because we want to please him - explains psychotherapist Sean Grover, - we just hate to feel that someone does not like us." In the end, we feel like a failure.

These sensations are unpleasant, but are absolutely normal. Importantly, do not get hung up on them and move on.

Do not blame yourself around

Because of openly expressed hostility many other start doubt yourself

. But do not forget that people's actions are usually explained by their own problems and experiences. It's not in you personally, and not in the other person, and in both of you.

Just this man at this moment of life is incompatible with you.

In addition, the location of the other person is largely due to the fact, what benefit you bring to it, even if unconsciously. "This is evident in animals - told Jennifer Verdolini, animal behavior researcher at Duke University. - They prefer to spend time with individuals that are similar to them on the status, nature or genetic ties. "

If you do not have anything in common, it would be valuable to both sides, you are rejected. It is almost inevitable.

Analyze their behavior

Do not blame yourself for what you are someone did not like. However, if this happens all the time, try to take an objective look at their behavior.

Asked to explain the reason for which you have rejected. For example, you said that you are a lot of bragging or fixated on itself. Think about whether this grain of truth. Analyze their behavior. If you are really so done: this is unpleasant to others, Work on a.

Just do not overdo it. Of course, some of your habits may annoy others. But often it simply reflects the fears, prejudices and bad memories of the man.

Make new friends gradually

Once in the new group of people, we feel lonely. For example, a new job or after moving to another city. In such situations, the remaining already established - it is easy to feel like an outsider.

Get involved in the new environment gradually. For example, ask a colleague to lunch. But do not try to immediately join the group. Contact the person who set the most friendly.

Not everyone is ready to immediately accept you with open arms. Focus on those who show willingness to take a step forward.

Spend more time with those who appreciate you

Surely you have at least a few people, you can rely on in difficult times. Communicate frequently with them. This will increase your self-esteem and will return confidence.

Strengthen your relationships with people who appreciate you. This is more useful than suffer because of those who rejected you.

And remember that the best way to strike up a true friendship - it is to be sincere. Do not expect that every one of them will be drawn to you. Such an attitude does not attract others to you.

And haters send away

At least mentally. Sometimes you just need to accept that someone is against you. "It's okay if you have a foe - said Sean Grover. - If people are jealous of you, do not pay attention to it. "

Do not adjust the other against him deliberately. But if you're someone does not like you, and the feeling is mutual, do not worry. You do not need to try to appease him.