Why is marriage - this test
Relations / / December 19, 2019
Steven Mintz (Steven Mintz), Doctor of Philosophy and professor of history, University of Texas at Austin, talks about the changes that happen to people after the wedding. In his opinion, a significant cause of failed marriages - the fundamental contradictions, which are characteristic of marriage as a social institution.
The changes that occur to people after the wedding, relate not only to psychology. In modern society, all couples are faced with all sorts of contradictions, to resolve that turns out not at all.
The tension between family responsibilities and the need for self-actualization
In the XIX century and most of the XX century, women had to sacrifice their individuality for the sake of the family. And even today, the expectations that women should play the role of homemakers and be responsible for maintaining a happy marriage, have not disappeared. When this contradiction becomes too strong, the couple often decide search for happiness and satisfaction for myself, instead of sacrificing their own desires for the sake of another person.
The contradiction between the romantic and the economic aspect of marriage
Another contradiction - it is a conflict between marital intimacy (physical, emotional and sexual) and socio-economic component of marriage.
Usually we speak of marriage as an emotional connection between people. But it is also and economic union, which allows two adults to achieve a desired lifestyle.
Couple combines income, provides a means for the existence of the family and creates a safe environment in which to raise children. Therefore, there is nothing unusual in the fact that the marriage breaks down, when the cost of living with a person begins to exceed the contributions that he brings.
The contradiction between expectations and reality
Marriage - is the inevitable clash with real life. After the wedding, they enter into such a close relationship, which did not know before. Therefore, the marriage will inevitably become an arena of conflict and power struggles.
Romantic notions like unity of souls and eternal love are quickly forgotten among domestic quarrels and disputes that permeate married life.
Conflicts will necessarily arise in a relationship where you have to make decisions about finances, sex, parenting and other important issues.
Lack of support
Nowadays expectations from marriage increase, but the support, which in the past helped to cope with difficulties in marriage, disappear from people's lives. Previously, many relatives and friends living in close proximity. Now, it is rather rare.
Marriages have become much more emotionally disabled. Often people begin to feel lonely all the time just talking with your partner, and during the conflict do not know who to turn to for support.
What is the modern marriage
In today's married people are faced with many difficulties. Work and child - in the center of attention, and therefore, all the couples spend less time together. Expected equality in the distribution of responsibilities in practice rarely realized, especially after the birth child, when many couples divide areas of responsibility traditionally: a man earns, a woman brings up child.
Wealthier families can solve these problems with the help of money, but even in this case, there are new problems: the need to hire a good babysitter and housekeeper to manage staff.
Marriage as an institution adapts to changing circumstances. Initially, patriarchal relations in marriage were replaced by a kind of companionship. Marriage with fixed roles of men and women changed by marriage, where more flexible features the partners.
More and more people consider marriage obsolete institution or, at best, a necessary evil. Although most still see the symbol of fidelity in marriage and liberation from loneliness. After all, if we look at the positive side of the marriage, the most important thing in it is that a person decides to go the journey of life is not alone, and with those with whom he might share their joy and sorrow memories.
A successful marriage helps each partner to grow and develop in several directions.
But the marriage is no longer an adult the only way to organize your life. Today, many people find that they can give the marriage, in other respects: cohabitation, friends or even a lonely life. Today, marriage - it is not a set of strict rules. To exist, the marriage must meet the needs of the partners, and everyone in the individualistic world determines its own needs. Some people tend to equal marriage, the other - to the traditional. Tolstoy, of course, was wrong when he wrote that all happy families resemble one another.
At the same time, more and more couples are faced with divorce or even decide to restrict civil marriage. Marriage has become less predefined. And despite this people continue to marry and are investing in this concept their fantasies, hopes and dreams.
Samuel Johnson, English poet and literary critic, called the marriage a second victory of hope over experience. Today, his aphorism can be attributed to the first marriage: it has become more risky than ever more complex and fragile.