How to calculate and kill your inner conformist
Relations / / December 19, 2019
The most terrible punishment in the world - people will think something wrong. Anyway, that's what we say since childhood, teaching them to live with an eye on the opinions of others. What kind of people - not specified, as well as the reasons for which we all have to worry about someone else's thoughts. As a result, we are seeking the approval of those who spit at us, and tormented himself with empty feelings. Mentor self-help Al Burmann (An Bourmanne) tells how to put an end to this vicious practice.
Once I missed the bus. Specially. It was still possible to catch up, but I did not do that, because presented as a door slam right in front, and the windows look the passengers and mock me. I came up with a better idea - to pretend that just stand on the sidelines. Deftly I them, right? As a result, it was necessary to freeze for 20 minutes waiting for the next bus.
I named this event bout of the disease is the same-about-me-think. Here are 12 signs of this dangerous disorder. If you recognize yourself, you're at risk.
- You often evaluate themselves with the position of other people. One has only to fail or not meet someone's expectations as to the inner eye float imaginary sarcastic comments.
- You associate the behavior of people with their attitude to you. They did not respond to a letter immediately? Not because a man once, and you just did something wrong, but of course! And this is another proof that you do not like.
- You kill the criticism. Even if you yourself would like to get some feedback. And even if you know that the criticism - it's good. But take negative comments to heart and decide that you complete nonentity - a usual thing.
- You want to say just the right thing at the right time. Internal censor forbids you to voice that does not have the liking of others. And precisely to be safe, you prefer to keep quiet and do not share their ideas or opinions.
- You are trying to please everyone. Interested in the things that interested all around, like what others like, maintain a conversation about their hobbies, pomalkivaya on their own. Because they did not like it.
- You strive for harmony and try not to get angry. Just think, if he did not have the right to do so. Although if someone loses his temper, perfectly understand it.
- You are afraid to share their knowledge. Still, after all you can christen the upstart and all-knowing. Do you sincerely believe that hiding your abilities to help others feel comfortable.
- You are always and everywhere allot yourself last. And deep down, offended that no one notices this sacrifice.
- You secretly ashamed of his hobbies. They are very different from what others like.
- You find it difficult to ask for help. People might think that you are incompetent, or are not able to solve their problems.
- You find it hard to say no. Are you afraid of someone to anger or disappoint.
- You understand that do not live their lives. But to change something that is not under force, because those around you will be condemned (and in general you will look like a fool).
The truth is that, no matter how you tried to please absolutely everyone is impossible. You can not live your life, no one is upset and without getting a single evaluation from others. Attempts to do so only devastate you and lead to emotional burnout.
What I am about to say, seemingly contrary to common sense.
The easiest way to establish a good relationship with people and make life the way you want to see it - it not try to please everyone.
But you will be able to:
- To communicate with people who accept you for who you are, love to talk about the same thing that you do, or have let different from yours, but very interesting views.
- Use your talents and skills to create things that you can only create and obtain an adequate assessment of their labors.
- Choose activities that inspire you and help to realize their uniqueness and feel the satisfaction of life.
So allow yourself to be yourself, and do not care what people say. Remember that they "dislike" in any case not an assessment of your personality. This is a reflection of their views, desires, expectations and beliefs.
By the way, returning home from work, I saw my bus just moved from the stop (I swear all it was!). Strictly speaking, I'm on it already too late. But remembering about the morning incident, the driver waved his hand and said to myself: "Well, what is so terrible could happen? He did not see me and go away on their bus full of strangers to make fun of me. I'll go to the next, that's all. "
You know what happened next? bus doors opened. Deftly I them, right?