What if you suddenly realize that you have no friends

When the last time you brought a new friend? Not a friend to share jokes at work, and really close to the person you called would in a difficult situation. If you're over 20, you've probably wondered what to do if there are no friends.

Suspects: work, family, "little time"

Many realize why friendships with age upstaged. We are building a career for 40 hours a week, we have a family and children, and to all the rest of time does not remain.

StudyHow Do Women Spend Their Time?Conducted by Real Simple and Families and Work Institute, showed that 52% of women aged 25 to 54 years old have at least 90 free minutes per day, and 29% of women - less than 45 minutes. This is not enough even to watch the series "Game of Thrones", not to mention the establishment of friendly relations.

Hardly men, these figures are very different.

When a person reaches mid-life, his young gusts explore all consecutive irretrievably gone. Changing priorities and people often become picky to your friends.

Alex Williams, a reporter for The New York Times

No matter how wide your closest circle, fatalism does not spare anyone. Adolescence and college years behind. Now it is time to "friends of the situation," or just good friends.

As people get older, between them as though there is an invisible barrier. They meet, have fun talking, but not spend together as much time as before.

With age, people are less inclined to establish friendly relations. At the same time they are getting closer to those friends who already have.

Laura L. Carstensen, a psychology professor at Stanford universitetas

She suggested that the human mind reacts to significant life events, this includes the date of 30 years. It comes the realization that life is reduced. It is time to end to learn new things, it is necessary to pay more attention to what is here and now.

Friends no longer needed for survival

Another reason that we have difficulty expanding inner circle in later life: it is no longer necessary. In his youth, friendships is an important part of personal and social development. We need friends, to understand who we really are and how to solve problems in society.

Of course, no one thinks about it, when the plant pals at school. We are not particularly picky and begin to make friends for a reason. You sit with me at the same desk and the same hate the teacher? High five!

When the identity is formed, we need more than that to become friends. Some circumstances, it is not enough. You may have the same concerns and views with the person you share them, and then disperse and will only polite greeting.

What can you do

It would seem, well, okay, why do new friends, because there are old. But if an adult loses its former ties, how to be then?

In life, many of us do not have three important things: intimacy, repeated interactions and unplanned trust. Without them, not to build a strong relationship. So, if you are about 30 years old, you will not be able to have real friends? Not at all.

Tracy Moore, the author of a site Jezebel suggests that just need to change their attitude: "Let's say you've moved to a new city and have you there are no friends. Or old friends now seem to be so impudent, that you all are wondering how to communicate with them the last 10 years. In any case, you should take search buddies as fascinating quest. "

Of course, you need to go out and interact with people with similar interests.

Here are a few examples:

• search for thematic meetings in the city, for example, through you interesting community in social networks;
• sign up for courses: dance, yoga, workshops on the art of decorating, the struggle;
• rewound dog and walk together with other hosts and their pets;
• travel, make up a new hobby, sign up as a volunteer.

Strive to where full of life. Communicate with different people. It is possible that you will find each other when you least expect it.

There are also advantages

No matter how difficult to expand inner circle as an adult, it's worth it. In a mature friendship many advantages over the child's:

• your relationship will be tied to the common interest, which could not have while studying at school or university;
• There are no restrictions: Plant buddies with big age difference or on the internet;
• friendship will be more relaxed: hardly a grown man would be offended because canceled meetingBecause he knows that we all have work to do;
• you begin to appreciate more time with loved ones.

When you know yourself, the new friendships may be more profound than the rest of his school years. And like any great relationship, over time they will become deeper and stronger.

see also

• 11 signs that it is time to end the friendship →
• 10 odd friends who have each of us →
• How to keep a friendship at a distance →