How and what to talk to a woman, if prevent tightness

Acquaintance or conversation with a girl for shy guys - a serious challenge. In their case, we are not talking about the usual lightweight jitters, but the present tsunami of fear and excitement. Sean Cooper, the man freed himself from shyness, I am sure that all of these troubles can be overcome. Here are some of his recommendations to help deal with oppression and make the conversation more relaxed.

3 causes fear girls

1. A sense of inferiority

Only one kind of attractive girls It makes you nervous, and thought about how to approach her, caused consternation. Why? Because you feel unworthy of this beauty. Think of women, appearance is far from your ideal. Surely their company causes less discomfort.

The idea that men make too far-reaching conclusions based only on external data woman. But imagine: what if she's stupid? Or she completely no sense of humor? Or you simply do not have anything in common? You may not know this lady, and already sure of her glory (and its non-conformity to him).

As a result, a feeling of worthlessness away your confidence and hinder express their individuality.

Council: remember that appearance says more about genes than on the individual. So do not rush to deify stranger and send itself to the list of the unworthy. It is better to find out in practice that it is for the people.

2. Obsession and unrealistic fantasies

Shy guys have a tendency to choose a girl object of dreams. With excellent special can bind only a couple of short conversations and smiles: a shy person is enough to present in detail the joint future. What happens in the end? The guy is so winds itself that, when it comes to decisive action, he is lost under the weight of unrealistic expectations.

Have you thought about it for so long and turned it into a perfect being that you are paralyzed by fear.

Sean Cooper

Another variant of the scenario: you finally dare ask her out on a date, but after three minutes of conversation realize that she was not a beautiful lady out of your head. And on the basis of a three-minute intercourse decide to retreat, never learn the girl's real.

Council: say "stop" idle fancy and send energy to communicate. Well, remember that a lot of pretty girls and exciting in the world. Dwell on one with which you almost do not know, obviously not to be.

3. Delay

Boys who suffer from shyness or have little experience of relations, may wait a long time suitable moment to talk, touch, the first kiss. But the longer they wait the more and think about it, the stronger it becomes fear.

Council: act impulsively. All the thoughts that appear after the first pulse, are intended to discourage you from action. In the end, it is better to do and regret than not to do and regret.

How to talk to a girl

1. Properly build a conversation

Cooper mentions the method of chain messages. Surely you have already used this technique, but may not be entirely true.

The essence of it in the next... The starting point of getting any, even the most insignificant information. Then he is given a clarifying question. Based on the answer to this question, the following remark is built. And then on the thumb.

An example of a failed conversation:

BUT:Hello! Where are you from?

IN:From Chelyabinsk.

BUT:Oh, and what are you doing?

IN:Work.

BUT:Where, if not secret?

IN:At the factory.

BUT:And by whom?

IN:Frezerovschitsey, * + #% &!

A mistake that he went too formal to the conversation. As a result, the svolsya transfer to the commonplace facts, which brutalized frezerovschitsa B.

Tip: Make a bet on emotion, rather than the boring data.

For example, instead of having to deal with questioning, And could share their impressions of the Chelyabinsk or ask at what she likes (or dislikes) in this city.

The second recommendation is to develop a theme in several ways. So the conversation becomes more complete. And even if one of the branches of the conversation would be a dead-end, you can always go back to the other.

Exercise "Map talk"

Take a blank sheet of paper. In the middle write the word, which may be the beginning of a conversation or that you often hear from the girls. Now draw the rays that extend from it. They are areas of conversation. Specify them as statements or questions. The main thing is that they touch the emotions and values. The more lines come up with, the better.

Example:

• Initial word: psychologist.
• Branch-emotion: what do you feel when you come into a close relationship with different people?
• Branch-value: you must be very careful person, if you choose this profession.

2. Cease to be afraid of silence

Sudden pause in the conversation, says Cooper, that's fine. Not normal that you feel awkward and uncomfortable about them. It is with these feelings and must be fought.

The first thing to do - to realize that you do not toastmaster, and the conversation partner. No need to blame yourself for what you can not instantly react and find a way to continue the conversation. This will only exacerbate the stupor.

The second rule - to remain relaxed. If you are nervous about the silence, it automatically becomes awkward.

The third rule (and tip) - a natural continuation of the conversation. It can help situational comments. The essence of the method is to pay attention to what is happening in the outside world, rather than trying to frantically find a topic in the head (which is due to stress becomes completely empty).

When you are relaxed and not fixated on inner search, a dialogue ceases to be forced.

3. Learn to talk about anything

Another problem many shy people: they believe that every conversation has to be meaningful. At the same time around are constant discussions about the content of which many instantly forgotten.

Such talk about anything sometimes irritating or bewildering, and their participants may seem a dim-witted. Nevertheless, these people do not experience difficulties in initiating contact and get your dose of social interaction. And that they should learn.

Where to begin? Stop thinking and allow ourselves to be spontaneous. You are in the present moment, not caring that the said 10 seconds ago or what you need to say another 10 seconds.

Trust your mind and do not try to squeeze out all the juice. In fact, it is a powerful machine with a decent amount of information. You just need to give it to carry out its work.

4. But just in case, keep a list of topics

Harvested topic - it's like a crib: it does not necessarily use it, but with it you feel more confident. The range of topics, which you can chat with a girl, do not need all the time to keep in mind. Enough to outline it and leave on the periphery of consciousness: if something goes wrong, you can always use it.

Sean Cooper offers nine areas from which to draw ideas for conversation:

1. Hobby.
2. Work, study.
3. Travels.
4. Entertainment.
5. Food, cooking.
6. Past experience.
7. Observations on the present (situational comments).
8. Future plans.
9. Human relationships.

As an exercise, you can come up with the five-examples for each of these areas.

Another option - to talk about what you really know a lot about, and try to be interested in this companion. In his field, you will feel more confident and will be able to open up.

Another alternative - to let the girl talk about what she understands, but stay genuinely thrilled by theme. Genuine interest is always felt. And it draws.

Of course, follow all the advice again is not necessary. Try one technique, then another check in practice, the situations in which they work best, or choose one that is more to their liking.

You can share your techniques? Then welcome to the comments.