5 ways to make science-based relationship strong and long

Love is beautiful, amazing love, love - the best there is on this planet. But love - the one more bitch. BUT marriage - a heavy daily work.

After these words, older people will nod in agreement, and the young lovers and plugging your ears with your fingers by heart the film "Three meters above the sky."

What can we do to ensure that relationship lasted as long as possible? Myths about love sound attractive, but what, in reality, if you want to save the passionate feelings of a lifetime?

It is surprising that everyone is asking how you got married. Nobody asks how you have managed not to get a divorce.

It turns out that on this subject has even been studied. Their results are quite possible to adopt and put into practice.

Online dating is not working

If you want to find the ideal partner, with the help of a computer algorithm or are going to consider only the profiles of those who in the "Interests" spelled words familiar to you, then you are doomed to fail.

After all, studies say similar interests have no significant impact on the relationship. The total result of 313 studies conducted individually, demonstrates: your mutual love of movies

Woody Allen no longer will help save your marriage. In 2010, it was to examine the level of satisfaction of spouses. It turned out that the common interests of partners have no influence on this indicator.

When we want to find a copy of itself, marry on it and live happily ever after, you are making a big mistake.

Real life is completely different. Marry someone just because he or she loves to listen to Radiohead and cry, very silly. Your compatibility only 1% effect on the duration of your life together.

Problems arise in any couple. The thing is, how will you deal with these complexities. In other words, it does not matter how you feel. The important thing is how you feel about their feelings. You need to find someone who expresses their emotions in the same way as you do.

University of Washington professor John Gottman (John Gottman) presented serious evidence that this affects how long marriage. The way you behaved, creates an emotional pattern that forms a common space and the existence of a pair.

You should take care not to in order to make your partner fall in love with the game Scarlett Johansson. Choosing a spouse, you will automatically receive and its problems. The only thing that should worry you - it is a way to build relationships so that arise as little conflict as possible.

Argue - it's good

You swear you can even over small things. Seriously, this is quite normal.

Scientists believe that couples who swear more often due to the most minor things, live a long and happy life. On the other hand, for those couples who swear only for the most serious reasons, a better chance to get a divorce.

Of course, swear on a first date is not necessary, but research says that if you have spent three years together and with virtually no cursing, you are likely to stand on the brink of divorce.

Scientists believe that abuse and controversy - way of expressing feelings. Without them, your relationship becomes unhealthy.

You could say that Romeo and Juliet never disputed. On this, too, is the answer.

Romeo and Juliet - a bad example. Think about arranged marriages

Romeo and Juliet did not quarrel because William Shakespeare decided to kill them long before the first conflict. This pair so well symbolizes the relationship only because of the fact that did not live up to the row over unwashed dishes.

Passion - fast, easy and captivating. But the relationship - this is love, work and work. Instead of taking his example of Romeo, who immediately fell in love with Juliet for life, succumbing to the influence of dopamine, think of those whose marriage has been negotiated.

Arranged marriages are very difficult for both partners in the beginning. But as a submarine to go nowhere, both trying to work on what we have. Studies confirm that arranged marriages are much better than marrying for love.

Of course, no one tells you to enter into arranged marriage. But should learn from these people. They cast away illusions, understand that in front of them waiting for a lot of work, and rolled up their sleeves and start working on the relationship.

All that leads to success in life, will help to achieve success in marriage

We talk so much about what to do to succeed in the, Study or life. It's all going to work and in relationships. Want to partner was faithful to you? Betrayed? Be strong. Girls looking for solid, confident guys. Men, pay attention to those women whose opinion does not change depending on the direction of the wind or weather.

That toughness, which helps us in life, is responsible for the ability to work on complex tasks for a long time. Why is it important for a relationship?

The researchers claim that the hardness helps to cope with the circumstances and problems. A marriage is constantly there are any problems. Those who can not solve them, give up and quit attitude, work longer to build a career.

Love will not be long in itself. Feelings are hot and passionate only because of the fact that people are working on it.

Is it possible to predict the long-term relationship?

Can. To do this, just need to ask the couple about their relationship. Yes, everything is so simple.

Psychologists from the University of Washington found that the way the partners describe their relationship, it is possible to predict divorce or not, up to 94%. You just need to pay careful attention to how the couple talk about the common past.

BADLY: We had a fight. It was terrible. To be honest, Oleg behaved abominably.

OK: We had a fight. It was terrible. But we will discuss this later. Now we seem to get along even better than before.

Each pair of facing challenges. The only difference is in how you are going to perceive and interpret the living. You know, a lot of mind is not necessary to say that the quarrel - it is bad, and Oleg - a fool. But you need to make a lot of effort to ensure that not only learn to appreciate the good moments, but also bad, to make the most out of even the conflicts and problems.

No one is happy, running twenty kilometers of the marathon. But if you stop and you reach the finish line, you will not be happy for sure. And the taste of victory champagne - that's what makes a really enjoyable time.

To summarize

• Similar interests will not help. Identical playlists will not be the basis for a good marriage. We should start to focus on emotions.
• Arguing it is useful. Negative communication better than her absence.
• You will find a lot of work. And from it can not escape. Do not look at Romeo and Juliet. Adopt experience of arranged marriages.
• Be solid. Devotion. Honesty. It means to be hard. This is the key to success at work and in love.
• Be thankful for the difficulties. Tell your story, full of ups, downs and happiness from what you have experienced it all together.