3 steps for the development of emotional intelligence in relationships

The ability to understand the emotions and the right to express them - a necessary condition for a strong and harmonious union. This idea expresses the Schreyer family counselor Ellen (Ellen Schrier), and at the same time offers three pieces of advice for the development of emotional intelligence in the relationship.

Happy couples face some of the same challenges that unfortunately, the only difference is in how they respond to challenges, says family counselor Ellen Schreyer. Thus, she said, a harmonious union of destructive distinguished level of the partners' emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) - the ability to understand and recognize their own and others' feelings, and the ability to manage them.

In this case, the management of emotions does not mean the manipulation or suppression of negative emotions. On the contrary, avoidance of strong emotions can only worsen the relationship, and any manipulation - to alienate people from one another.

Negative emotions such as anger, fear, or pain, are signals about the problems in the relationship. To find the roots of these problems and solve them, it is necessary to recognize, understand and express their feelings, without using criticism, guilt or condemnation. This is where the need of emotional intelligence.

Schreyer proposes to develop a useful quality is by using three steps.

1. Make friends with your feelings

Determine what you feel and what your feelings are aroused. This may take time and loneliness. Use them to completely survive the storm inside. Just do not cut yourself off from negative emotions. Remember, they do not determine how good a person you are.

At the same time, try to analyze what triggered your reaction if you have experienced something like this before. It is likely that the problem lies not in the specific situation, and in a well-established pattern of behavior already received mental injury or something else.

2. calm down

Negative emotions interfere objectively assess the situation. Experiencing them, you can take a more critical or defensive than usual. So, before you go back to the discussion of problems, relax the mind and body. Good assistants there will be books, music, walking, meditation, or any other activity that can restore your peace of mind.

3. (On) to return to the partner

Once you become aware of your feelings and calm down, you can start a productive conversation. During his express their needs in an assertive, but not aggressive form. Try to listen to a partner without interrupting it. Also try to understand and accept his feelings.

If you feel that negative emotions come back, do not provoke or sustain conflicts. It is better to take one more break to think about.

Solving the problem in this way, the partners are allies, not adversaries. They feel that, despite the difficulties and negative emotions, everyone is trying to save the relationship and understand the other. As a result, the pair creates a positive emotional climate, which is necessary for a sense of intimacy, satisfaction and happiness.