Compromise paradox: why are crumbling relationship

When the event of a problem in a relationship, we used to look for a compromise. But is this method is effective? On why because compromises sometimes crumble strong relationships tell the teacher and aspiring writer Andrew Yakomaskin.

I've always liked a parable about the relationship.

People often perceive relationships apart from those obligations which are attached to them. They want to get the attention, affection and tenderness, but when a crisis strikes, prefer to step aside rather than solve the problem.

In 2010, Dr. James McNulty (James McNulty), one of the most renowned experts in the field of family psychology, completed a study devoted to the impact of problems in the relationship.

Ten years McNulty studied 82 couples in terms of their satisfaction with their marriage. By the end of the study couples were divided into two groups.

In the first group of pairs not only is almost completely absent, domestic differences, but there was a significant strengthening of spiritual and emotional connection between people. And the second group of pairs of problems escalated into a systematic crisis, which constantly made itself felt, and in some cases even led to divorce.

The reason for this difference in results lies in the answer to the question: "How do you solve problems?"

Vapors from the second group answered: "If we quarrel, I immediately tried to find a compromise that would accept both." A pair of the first group gave this answer: "When a problem arises, we tried to find the cause and fix it together, to never return to it."

In other words, in the pairs of the first group of people tried to understand that does not suit their partner and work together to overcome it. They worked together to solve the problem by sacrificing their interests to each other.

In the second group of couples simply stated fact an argument, and then found the solution to her to hush. How nice to say, "We have come to a compromise," On the one hand, this means that the output is found that is acceptable to both. On the other - that no one their beliefs and interests are not going to change. Unfortunately, long-term relationship can not build on such terms.

We are all ready to look for solutions to problems that arise in a relationship, but are not always willing to make sacrifices in order to translate this willingness into action.

In 2016 McNulty conducted a study in which 135 young couples completed questionnaires, which indicated their standards are married and share them with your partner. As a result, it was found that in couples where both partners are willing to continually raise the bar in a relationship while working on them, mutual respect and love just grew and became strong.

This simple result once again proves that the relationship is not destroyed, it is necessary not only to recognize the problem and come to terms with it. Much more important is to constantly improve standards and jointly decide what to do next. To achieve this, do not be afraid to talk about what they would like to change, and always be ready to listen to its mate.

Azerbaijani writer Elchin Safarli said:

I know only one reason to destroy the relationship, it is not associated with a stamp in the passport. Innuendo. It all starts with her.

Collaborate and be sincere.

I wish you success!