Divorce for the night: Why happy couples do not sleep together, and whether it's right for you

If you are a couple, you have to sleep together. This idea seems so true and natural that you probably did not even occur to come other options. Separate sleep is perceived as a sign of problems in the relationship, or even as a method of punishment or manipulation ( "I'll sleep on the couch!"). Nevertheless, there are a lot of strong couples who disagree on different bed every night. And that's why they do it.

How did the idea to sleep separately

It would be better to ask the question differently. How did the idea that the couple have to sleep in the same bed, but still under a blanket? Neil Stanley researcher recallsHow to Sleep WellThat originally it was a necessary measure, people lived in large familiesAnd a berth for each was a luxury.

In the aristocratic circles of the same, where could afford separate rooms, the couple slept, lived and received guests in different halves of the house. And in the highly moral Victorians sleep in the same bed he became even considered something indecent, so a husband and wife went to twin beds.

And this trend has lasted almost until the mid XX century. But then, as a result of industrialization, people have moved into small urban apartments, and attitudes toward marital bed again changed. Now we believeA Bed of Roses or a Bed of Thorns? Negotiating the Couple Relationship Through Sleep joint night's rest symbol of a strong marriage and choose it, even to the detriment of their own comfort.

Why couples prefer separate sleeping

In Russia, the marital dream still has not been analyzed. But, if we look at other countries, it appears that up to 23%The Great British Bedtime Report British polled pairs and up to 40%More couples opting to sleep in separate beds, study suggests Canadian even occasionally sleep in separate beds. And they have this good reason.

They care about their health

Back in 2005, British explorer Neil Stanley foundInvestigating couples sleep: an evaluation of actigraphic analysis techniquesThat when people sleep together, they often do not get enough sleep. For example, because one of the partners of snoring or tossing and turning too active. Or the spouses have different chronotypeAnd then they go and get up at different times, and one of them prevents the other.

In addition, the role played by the habits and preferences: some people like to sleep in a cool room, and someone freezes from any breath of wind. One can not get into the arms of Morpheus no TV or tablet, another annoying light from the screens. Finally, one of the partners may suffer insomnia or just have a very sensitive sleep and wakes up from virtually every movement of its half.

lack of sleep results may be sad. One-third of adults surveyed resting at nightPrevalence of Healthy Sleep Duration among Adults - United States, 2014 less than the required seven hours a night.

And sleep deficiency leads to obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, heart attacks and mental disorders.

Considerable price to pay to comply with the rules is not known by whom a happy marriage.

They care about the relationship

In 2016, researchers at the Institute of Paracelsus (Germany) foundTwo in a bed: The influence of couple sleeping and chronotypes on relationship and sleep. An overviewThat problems in relations come after sleeping problems. If at least one of the partners is not getting enough sleep, he becomes nervous and irritable, and this inevitably causes quarrels and misunderstandings.

The same conclusion was reached by scientists from the University of California: a sleepless night, according to the results of their survey resultsThe Role of Sleep in Interpersonal Conflict: Do Sleepless Nights Mean Worse Fights? conflicts in the pair the next day.

Are there any advantages in co-sleeping

If you've read the previous arguments, you could get the impression that co-sleeping is destroying marriages and separate - a solution to all problems. But this is not the case. For those who sleep in the same bed, reducedTwo in a bed: The influence of couple sleeping and chronotypes on relationship and sleep. An overview cortisol, a stress hormone, and oxytocin production, which is sometimes called the hormone of trust and affection, on the contrary, increases.

Men who suffer from sleep apnea are less responsible attitudeSleeping Together: A Pilot Study of the Effects of Shared Sleeping on Adherence to CPAP Treatment in Obstructive Sleep Apnea to treatment if their wives go for the night in the other room. And their wives, contrary to expectations, also did not get enough sleep,ADVERSE HEALTH EFFECTS AMONG WOMEN LIVING WITH HEAVY SNORERS because the worry over their husbands or they just uncomfortable to sleep alone.

In addition, some psychologists believeIt's Time to Embrace the Sleep DivorceThat co-sleeping makes the relationship more intimate, deep and trusting.

Can separate sleeping harm relations

Here, as they sayCan not Get Shut-Eye? Sleep Divorce May Work for You psychologists, it all depends on why people differ in different rooms. If they seek thus to solve sleep problems, night "divorce", at least for a time, may benefit from the relationship.

After all, a couple who are well enough sleep, less cause for irritation and quarrels.

We should not forget that many sleep disturbances can at least try to correct, consult a doctor. For example, insomnia, sleep apnea (snore) Or restless legs syndrome, because of which people can kick the night or have difficulty falling asleep.

If the reason is that one partner avoids another and does not want to be with him in the same bed, it is an alarming signal. He says that the relationship is not all right. And night's sleep in different beds in this case, will only increase the distance between partners.

In any case, to sleep together or separately - a personal choice of each pair. And rely on their feelings and needs, and not on the common stereotypes in this regard.