16 tips for anyone who has a relationship
Relations / / December 19, 2019
This article can not only read, but also listen. If you prefer - turn on a podcast.
1. Remember that opposites do not attract
Of course, you can have different interests and views, but exactly as long as they do not encroach on the territory of the key worldview partner. Joint life supporter of patriarchal attitudes and feminists and liberal monarchist and even fans of "Spartacus" and CSKA Moscow is unlikely to be straightforward. The key issues you need to look at the covenants Exupery, in the same direction.
2. establish rules
Agreement - it is not the desire to limit someone's freedom, it is an attempt to develop a common language for talking to your pair. Partner views on the allocation of responsibilities, financial matters, the possibility sex on the side, Jointly and severally rest and even on who goes first in the morning in the shower, may be very different from yours. Not necessarily wait for a major argument, to find out what he thinks about it. Set the rules in advance and follow them.
3. Listen to other people's 'no'
No need to make "the best", if the partner clearly expressed his disagreement with anything. "No" does not mean "maybe" or "yes, but I want to be persuaded."
4. Do not tolerate a partner who does bad things to teach you a lesson
Occupying the position of a teacher, a person ceases to be an equal partner and starts from the point of view of senior management, a subject that is allowed any more. What's next? He will expose you to assess and expelled from the house for poor academic performance? Anyone who deliberately makes you feel guilty, not suitable for a relationship.
5. Do not try to be tricky
You've probably heard advice from the series: "Be smarter, keep silent and make their own way", "Just do it, then she realizes that it is better." All these tricks and manipulations that harm relations. If you can not open an agreement and keep doing what is not acceptable for your half, it is necessary to revise or position, or to change the partner.
6. Do not ask partner telepathic abilities
Nature gave man speech apparatus, use it for its intended purpose. Talk to your partner what you like and do not like, what are you waiting for, what actions you upset. And certainly not to blame the person that he does not know what you're offended.
7. Solve problems without the involvement of a third party
No need to run the advice of parents, friends or anonyms on the forum. You always know better what is going on in the relationship, so how exactly do you know all the circumstances of the conflict.
Let's say you still appealed for support to the mother and she agreed that your partner is not right, and in general a bad man. Once you make peace with the offender and then, and for your mom (another all over the internet), it will remain a villain.
8. Wash dirty linen in public
At first glance, this advice contradicts the previous one, but it is not. If you understand that not cope with the problems in the couple should seek help. With the sudden the different views on life to help cope psychologist. In the case of mental or physical violence seek help wherever they can: with friends, in special centers, in police. Not everyone has the resources to get their own the situation abyuza.
9. Do not compare your relationship with the stories of the books and movies
Stop trying to repeat the love story of favorite movies, books and even more stories. You are not Cinderella and the Prince, not Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet (or Bridget Jones), not Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, your relations are developing in a different way, and that's fine.
And then, before plunging into the abyss of vanilla called "happily ever after", the characters go through a series of difficulties, because the conflict - the engine of the plot. Create your "happily ever after" without serial wisdom and without regard to fantasy writers and writers.
10. Move at your own pace
Even if all your friends were married a year after they met, two - brought the baby in five - bought a suburb of the house, suitable for a large family, not necessarily trying to shove your relationships in the same scenario. Each pair of moves at your own pace, just keep it from sticking.
11. Do not ignore the warning signs
In most relationships have presentation time when both partners are trying to look better than they really are. And if you are already on a candy buketny stage you see danger signals, do not ignore them, trust your instincts.
Unreasonable outbursts of aggression, brutality against the waiters, uncomplimentary remarks about the former, and other things that bother you, it is easy to write off on "Show" and "he / she will be corrected." Most likely, you did not appear, and your partner will not be corrected. Soberly consider whether you are ready to deal with such negative phenomena regularly.
12. Check to make life easier if relations
If your love story consists entirely of difficulties to overcome, quarrels and rare but striking episodes of happiness - it unhealthy relationship. People quite quickly get used to the emotional swings that alternate despair and delight, and can consider themselves quite happy with it.
But the answer yourself honestly: partner makes your life easier or complicate it? You feel happy more often than unhappy? Do not wait until the "Titanic" of your love to go down, get in the boat. Otherwise, you just might not be enough space on the saving doors.
13. Leave each other's personal space
Not everything with which people come into a relationship, it becomes common. Leave the right to conduct private correspondence, to have personal savings that you spend only on the dates you things, engage in a hobby favorite. And most importantly, your partner can also do it all. Just accept it.
14. Do not chase the ghosts of the former
If you have not met in kindergarten, your partner is likely to have had a relationship. Just leave them in the past, you do not need to constantly compare themselves with the former, to check their pages in social networks and to count how many they put half of your likes.
By the way, you have a relationship probably were too. And, too, should forget about them. It is very easy to start to idealize the person with whom you are bound by the romantic story. But consider this: if the former was a wonderful, would not the former.
15. Do not think jealousy indicator of high feelings
The requirement to stop communicating with all of the opposite sex, ambiguous response to every glance in the direction of attractive person, do not attempt to demonstrate control of correspondence of the great love and the fear of losing partner. This method of control and the very disturbing signal that should not be ignored.
16. Talk about love
You once admitted a partner in their feelings and think that's enough? Do not take the next person for granted, be grateful for the fact that he has chosen you. We remind you that you love, say compliments. It is simple and free, but very valuable sign of attention.
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