5 techniques to help introverts successfully communicate with the outside world

Hello. I'm Julia, I'm 42 years. If you no warning will come to visit me, I pretend that no one is home. I unplugged the phone on his birthday. A corporate parties prefer an evening with a book on the couch. But first, we need to learn, and it's not easy. I produce the impression of an arrogant and aloof person. But I know how to listen, and idle chatter prefer action. If we become friends, it will be a long and trusting relationship. I - introvert.

Introversion - not a diagnosis, but only a feature of mental organization, which is not outside the comfort zone, and within us. In her cozy, warm and interesting. Runs ognegrivy lion dozing in a chair Kant, longs Bor talk. And all this under the magical music. In general, all the conditions in order to communicate with the outside world smaller.

The problem is that society is always their plans for us. Why would he be considered with our comfort? Introvert you or someone, please follow the social norms. So sometimes you have to leave the familiar shelter and be active. Start dating,

be interviewedTo communicate with the boss, a taxi driver, a security guard and, most importantly, talk, talk, talk. Because of their desires, we will declare, or yourself, or they will remain unaccounted. And it irritates.

How to overcome the obstacle and peace of mind? I will share five techniques to help introverts harmoniously integrate into this incredibly sociable world.

1. technique striker

when useful

If you need to ask for help, ask for a premium with the authorities, inform the neighbors that interferes with loud music, tell the seller, that you cheated, make an appointment by phone, and so on.

How to apply

Striker in football is called the attacker, whose main task - to score goals. In fact, forward it defends the interests of the team attacking. This requires a certain percentage of aggression. We introverts aggression is directed inward instead of out, so we always hard to ask, to insist, to protect their interests. Yet we love to think out your opponent's reaction: he will carry to the request, do not be angry if, whether to answer or is busy with important matters can. Hesitantly, we can walk for hours.

Take the courage to take the first step and send the ball to the side of the interlocutor. Act without thinking.

Start with everyday situations, and then transfer them to more meaningful for you.

The secret of this technique is to leave the position of asking for and take the place of the player defending the interests of his team. Mentally shift the focus from yourself to your loved ones. Ask for someone's always easier. For example, you ask raise the salaryTo pay for his son courses; discount from the seller to buy more food for the family dinner. Think about the internal and Kant: loud music from neighbors prevent him from slumber.

2. As if

when useful

On a date, in the interview, if you need to speak in public, at a crowded party, and so on.

How to apply

Introverts tend to think about everything and doubt. The quality of thoughts, as you know, has a direct impact on the feelings and behavior. Go the opposite way.

Begin to behave as if you were the soul of the company, charismatic speaker, attractive, sexy, light - that is, have the qualities that you lack for confidence. Pretend to, as long as you do not get. Take the initiative, smile, maintain a conversation, share knowledge and experience.

The more you act as if you were sure of themselves, so you will be sure to get in reality.

Experienced emotions will change the way you think. No wonder that even simulated positive emotions in the brain send signals in response to which begins to produce endorphins. In therapy, this method is widely used in the treatment of various anxiety disorders.

The secret of this technique - do "as if" part of us. Imaginary space where we can feel confident and relaxed, helps to relax and gather in different situations.

3. bolt-hole

when useful

When decisive conversation with new acquaintances, to noisy events and other "obyazalovke".

How to apply

I love this tactic for what it is universal and does not require any effort. Introverts are forced to live in accordance with social norms, invented extroverts. "I have to be sociable," "I have to show that I'm having fun," "I should like it," "I should be involved in wedding contests, "" I should not worry "- these are just a few things that I have heard over the years work. All of these "should" kill us all a sense of freedom and ease, and finally tangle.

Develop for itself a set of rules that do not prohibit, and permitting. Allow yourself be yourself, Considered with its own characteristics and desires. For example:

• permitted worry before an important acquaintance;
• allowed after the interview not to leave the house for three days;
• allowed to come to the party, noting and go;
• It allowed not to go to the birthday of second cousin's uncle;
• It allowed only to nod in a conversation, not responding to anything.

And so on.

The secret of this technique is that any unusual circumstances to remain in the zone of their own comfort and to be able to seamlessly proceed to the "emergency exit".

4. Power Saving mode

when useful

On private or official receptions, if you are working in open-space, with the participation in the lengthy negotiations, speeches.

How to apply

During the intensive communication with introverts is happening the same thing with the battery of the smartphone in the cold: the charge falls on the eyes. A residue is only enough to get away from everyone and was relieved to slam the door behind him.

In order not to reach complete misanthropy, learn how to restore the energy in time.

• Do not try to catch everything and everywhere. Put the short-term goals and move towards them step.
• If possible, plan no more than 1-2 per week of public events.
• Allow time for rest after meetings.
• Take breaks in performances and negotiations to be alone with him.
• Periodically leave the crowded workspace, go to a quiet cafe, on the street or just wear headphones with your favorite music.
• Arriving at the party, do not throw immediately entertain the others talk. Dive into the atmosphere gradually: Look around, sit on the couch, take a few pictures, ask the host to introduce you to the guests.
• During the evening out on the balcony, in the garden or to another private place to make up for the strength and relax from the humans.
• A good assistant can be a book, upload to your phone. A few minutes of reading will lead you to peace of mind.

The secret of this technique is not to spend his last strength to communicate. Pauses to regain energy, having stayed in the peace and quiet.

5. Socialite

when useful

In situations when you simply need to tie new contacts, communicate and make a good impression.

How to apply

We will not dissemble: introverts are not a brilliant conversationalist. "Why talk when everything is clear," - we think. Weather, say bad? Well, winter is the same. They did not understand the new film? What do you want, it's von Trier. What do I think about proper nutrition? I think it's a promising idea.

In situations where meet and communicate all the same need, I propose to use the technique of "Socialite." People who often have to attend the event, do not invest a lot of energy into the conversation, they learned to the surface, but a pleasant conversation. This is the ability to master the power of any.

Small Talk opening consists of maintaining, and closing transitional phrases. Pre learn more and build a dialogue, using them as a designer.

The opening phrase - it is an opportunity to start a conversation. For example:

• Good evening, I'm Julia. What a cozy place, is not it?
• Good evening, you do not know what kind of music?
• Hello, pleased to meet you. I'm Anton, senior manager.

Supporting phrases - it is pertinent questions, get involved in the conversation. examples:

• You close topic of today's report? What was interesting?
• Have you read the new book by this author?
• Do you like Asian cuisine?

The transitional phrase will help in the case, when the conversation begins to dry out and there is a chilling stress on what not to talk about. Then you can return the conversation to what has already been discussed. For example:

• You said that you are a doctor. What profile?
• You mentioned children. Where do they learn?
• We discussed the new film. And how do you feel about the theater?

We introverts wonderful intuition. If you feel that interlocutor It is not configured to continue communication, better finish it. This will help final phrase:

• I'm sorry, I must leave you and greet their colleagues.
• I was glad to meet you. I have a good evening!
• I apologize, but I have to answer the call. See you later!

If your partner has decided to bow out first, let it "run away" briefly and wished good luck. And do not forget that small talk lasts an average of 5-7 minutes.

The secret of this technology - is to relax and not to perceive the conversation too seriously. Small Talk allows to establish communication, while keeping the distance necessary for the introvert feeling of comfort.

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Find the suitable way to overcome the fear of communication. Then it turns out that among others a lot of people who are ready to respond and help, and those who, like you, with great difficulty, makes the first move, but eventually it becomes your best friend.