Why do we suffer for the former, and how to stop it

To part with loved ones is never easy, but sometimes the condition of man after the break transformed into a heavy depression. Science explains this low content of the body's chemicals responsible for pleasure and good mood. There is also a positive point: if the feelings - it's chemistry, the "right response" can change the emotional background and help to survive the separation.

often, after rupture of relations man plunges into depression, despair, becomes obsessed with a former partner. In this case, it can even understand that the ex-lover does not suit him that the relationship was far from perfect, but still is not able to help himself. Rush to accuse such a man in a weak character is not necessary. The causes of this condition may have a chemical nature.

Berit Brogaard (Berit Brogaard), neuroscientist and one of the authors of the restoration program after leaving The Breakup Cleanse, explains that falling in love or affection can lead to unsustainable levels of serotonin and dopamine in the brain.

When we're together with your loved ones, neurotransmitter levels are responsible for the happiness increase. We feel satisfaction, joy, peace of mind. When your partner pushes us or we doubt of reciprocity, the levels are reduced. We feel anxiety, desolation, we suffer from impotence and obsessive thoughts.

His contribution to the instability of the chemical and make partners with unstable and unpredictable behavior or those with whom the relationship, to put it mildly, do not add up.

Each happy meeting with such beloved becomes a real tsunami dopamine, the desire to experience that from time to time only increases. Moreover, the unstable relationship of man, that is, the alternation of warm feelings with detached, so shakes our emotional swings, the brain begins to perceive the ebb and flow as the true love.

Such people forget very difficult, but it is to this and should seek. Berit Brogaard offers some tips to make it easier to go through the gap.

1. Remove from the former

The more you interact with the former partner, the more addiction from him to walk. Consequently, all contact should be reduced to zero. You can draw an analogy with smoking: the person can not get rid of this habit, smoking several packs of cigarettes a day.

Imagining that your reliance on ex-partner - a bad habit, think about his past. You've probably already got rid of some harmful dependencies: stopped biting his nails, load up at night or to get drunk to unconsciousness. Now it's time to give up to obtain a chemical high from inaccessible, immature, unpredictable or simply not suiting your personality.

2. To increase the level of neurotransmitters otherwise

Your ex - is not the only source of joy in the world. There are natural additives and productsWhich increase the level of neurotransmitters responsible for pleasure and good mood.

Another option - to see a doctor for medications: antidepressants, tranquilizers. In the case of severe depression self-medicate just not worth it.

3. Stop thinking about the former

When we try hard about something I do not think this is what is beginning to occupy our thoughts. So you can not just say to myself, "Come to think of him / her about." We must learn to take control of your mind.

Good help here will be meditation and mindfulness training. At the same time, you can buy and useful skills - to better manage their own mind and the ability to relax.

Perhaps for people experiencing acute rupture, the idea that all their feelings are a result of chemical surges seem superficial. Look at it another way: the simplification of their own experiences can be a tactic to get rid of the pain.

In the end, even if love is harder to dry formulas, it does not mean that it is necessary to bathe in the same complex, overwhelming suffering.