Divorce healthy person: parting on good and not harm children

Ph.D., a psychologist and sociologist Christine Carter talks about how to protect children from the negative effects of divorce and how she survived this difficult period.

Can a divorce be painless? It seems that the answer is obvious. Survive this event is very difficult for all family members, especially children. In my life there was no more heavy and sorrowful events than divorce. And this despite the fact that my husband and I were able to leave on good terms.

At the same time, if the parents are unhappy in marriage, divorce their children can go to the benefit. The main thing - to approach it correctly, a grown-up. This means that first of all need to think about the offspring and their needs.

Do not let anger master you

Many studies have shown that, guided by certain principles, parents can ease the experiences of children during this difficult period. The main conclusion to which I came, having familiarized with the results of these studies: should not be allowed wrath determine your actions.

If you have kids, you can not just slam the door and walk away. In one way or another you will have to continue to work on the relationship. Just this relationship qualitatively change. You will no longer be a married couple, but you will be parents forever. And despite the fact that you will be living in different houses, you will still take care of children.

In addition, it is important to remember that hatred prevents you from being happy. May I say the obvious thing, but sometimes they are not so easy to realize.

Even if someone has wronged you, I hate not drown your pain.

And it does not help your kids survive the separation of parents, but only injure. But the pain of children to hurt you.

act together

Parents should work together to ensure that the divorce took place the least painful for all parties. The cornerstone is necessary to put the welfare of children.

My husband and I took this advice literally. We sat opposite each other and began to think together about how to tell the children about the causes of our separation and divorce as a civilized manner. We have presented a united front.

But it was not easy. We constantly had to control myself not to indulge in recriminations and not turn into enemies. It was especially difficult when it came to the division of property. But we always remember that our differences can harm our children.

According to sociologists, when parents avoid conflicts and make joint efforts to ensure that the divorce took place without casualties, they usually succeed.

Forgive each other and take for granted what is happening

My husband and I had to make a great effort to control herself, to forgive each other all the mistakes that destroyed the marriage. And forgive yourself for the fact that we were not able to keep it. To do this, we had to accept what happened.

To understand that the decision to divorce was justified, I made a list of all the things that did not suit me in marriage. But second thoughts about my husband's shortcomings and hardships of our living together only brought me out of myself and forced to hate the partner even more.

But when I was able to accept what is happening and realize that these things happen and I can not help it, I calmed down.

I just told myself that I was the one who I am, and now I'm a woman who divorces her husband. And the best way for me to live in the present moment and make every possible effort to ensure that everything went smoothly.

And a few more tips psychologists

1. To make it easier for children to go through your divorce, you need to constantly maintain contact with them. Even if you can not overcome hatred partner, do not stop to chat with the children.
2. Many of the problems faced by children after the divorce of their parents, are associated with money issues. If the mother or father have to solve it alone, the child often suffers from many limitations. Parents simply do not have enough money for the children of tuition in a decent facility to tutors, music lessons and so on. Therefore, regardless of whom he was a child, do not forget to provide it.
3. Ability to move only cause the child additional stress. Try to minimize them.
4. And finally, do not forget to take care of themselves. Children will be more comfortable if you'll be fine. So try to cope with stressCaused by the divorce process. Chat with your friends, go to a psychologist or take a relaxing massage course. Also, you can help a healthy sleep and regular exercise.

So can a divorce be painless for your children? This question can not be answered unequivocally. Not everything depends on you. But if you can settle arising conflicts and end this war settlement agreement, if you show compassion and forgive each other, then the chances of your child ride out hard times significantly grow.