What if the loved one talks about committing suicide

In Russia, the indicator of the number of suicides - 16.5 cases per 100 000 peopleThe expert predicted increase in the number of mental disorders among the Russians.. It is a lot, and the numbers even more globally. According to the WHO, suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 15-29Suicide. Newsletter..

By suicides are treated with some disdain. Meme "more suicides, the lower the suicide" did not come out of nowhere: many believe that any claim suicide - is posturing, that the person who actually thought about suicide, will make all the arrangements invisible to others.

Flashmob #faceofdepression showed that sometimes found in human behavior signs of suicidal behavior is really very difficult. But there are cases when people are warned about his desire to die - words, actions, hints.

Few people understand how to act if a relative, a loved one or friend mentions suicide. With this difficult topic, we turned to a therapist Alex Karachi.

- When a man says he wants to kill himself, what does it mean?

- Exact figures can not be called. Most people (51%, and now the majority) had once thought about suicide, but between "thinking" and "do" is an abyss - you need to take a serious decision. If a person is thinking about suicide, it does not mean that he will make it.

Others it is important to interpret what a person wants to say, when the voice of desire to die: if he wants to draw attention to themselves or actually commit suicide?

I would single out two types of suicide:

1. Suicide spite someone.
2. Suicide due to the fact that a person is intolerable to live.

The first case, for example, if a teenager threatened to kill himself when he was something forbidden. In actual fact, he does not want to die, but it does happen. About this version warns defiant behavior. For example, in my experience it was the case when I was watching conscript soldier, who all showed the blade and threatened to cut the veins. For the military structure is a problem, and he was immediately sent for treatment, and he was what was needed. When the company commander offered him to bring our plans to the end, he did nothing.

Of course, not always such incidents end with the fact that man changes his mind. Even to spite someone, some people take their own lives.

In the second case the person does not see the point in my life. These people if they commit suicide, most likely it is meaningful and powerful action. If they get saved, it remains a high risk of relapse. If a person does not want to live and will not solve its internal problems, the desire to commit suicide will return.

Often thus it manifests a condition where the person loses the meaning of life, or long-term clinical depression. Depending on, for what a person says about suicide, you need to act.

- How to help a family who speaks about suicide?

- In any case, a person needs support and love - is something that can give everyone, which does not need to be a psychologist or a psychotherapist. Love is expressed in words, in support for action - there is no universal advice, because everyone is different.

But it is important to think that's what. If talk about suicide - a manipulation if we are to respond to threats to commit suicide give the man what he needs - attention, obedience, - as far as it will help? You can draw an analogy with the child's upbringing. If a small child crying need in the toy store, and her parents bought him, he learns that tears help to succeed.

Many adults in the same way to solve the problem: when they can not influence the situation, begin to act on emotions.

If the statements of suicidal worth manipulation, people will remember that it will receive attention in exchange for the threat, learns scheme: if I am unhappy and sick, like me. This does not mean that we should turn away or shy away from humans, but also to learn to resist manipulation, too, need.

If the thoughts and conversations of suicide occur in a person's depression after injury, a person with emptiness in their eyes, should be given more attention, react differently. Person is important to feel that he is loved, if we do not feel its usefulness, the question arises, why bother to stay in this world.

Often, a person comes to suicidal thoughts if the content does not feel or taste for life, and sometimes both at once. It is important to understand what the loss and try to make up for her, be there, to share experiences, propose actions.

- How to tell a man that he should see a specialist?

- Needless to say directly: "Let's go to a psychiatrist," or "Show psychotherapist». Such advice - it is an attempt to impose a solution, it can cause a feeling of protest. Remember, as a child's parents were forced to leave. Even if before that you wanted to clean up the room after the order is the desire disappears.

Offer a referral to a specialist is necessary through their experience. For example, to describe the situation when you were bad, and the ways in which you have helped.

When a person comes to the conclusion that he needed help from outside, and this assistance to be effective.

- Friends often try to replace specialists, help in the kitchen talking and advice. But there is the concept of "trauma vortex" - a situation where a person with depressive thoughts affect others more than expected. What to do to not to "infect" the unwillingness to live?

- It is advisable to understand that if you're incompetent, if not morally ready for such aid, the same love and support you have had enough.

It is not always necessary, even asking the person about what happened.

Imagine a man came to the hospital. It interrogates the nurse, the doctor, the neighbors in the ward, relatives, friends, girlfriend or boyfriend. And at some point the negative memories of the constant repetition of moving from short-term memory into long-term, a person is more difficult to pull out of negative thoughts.

Ask once. If a person wants, he will tell you.

More important to understand what kind of support is needed: the search for solutions, or empathy. Sometimes you need to man just listened. It is not necessary to propose a rescue plan to be near enough.

- What exactly is impossible to do when you're trying to help? What phrase is not necessary to say, other than "it's time you to the doctor?"

- Unfortunately, mental health issues much more ignorance. In response to the word of unwillingness to live, you can hear something like this: "It is better to be engaged in business", "In Africa, children are starving", "Just do not worry." Girls are more often advised to have a baby.

When they say that you can get out of depression or a desire to want to live with, it is a mistake, because in such a state of desire is something just not.

If you do not understand why the man lost zest for life, It means that you do not fall into the conditions that can lead to this condition. The group "Krovostok" is a phrase that can be applied to a similar comment: "You are not afraid, because you have not scared." Nobody do not want to experience this for yourself, but it is better not to give advice on what you need to enjoy life.

Another important point: a person close to suicide, his own interpretation of reality and its theory of why things are going wrong. This theory is false, as any personal interpretation. But to understand it, and look at the problem from a different angle, it is necessary to work on yourself with a specialist, sometimes for months. Therefore, it is not necessary to support these thoughts and assent in the style: "Yes, you have finished, surrounded by enemies." The stronger this theory, the harder it is to deny it.

I advise you to carefully ask questions that would potshots this theory, do not try to destroy it "head on". You can also share personal experiences and tell you how it was difficult, but in reality the situation was better than it seemed.

- How to offer help and not be imposed in an attempt to save man at any cost?

- Tell him that it is important that you want to help and are willing to give support, but do not want to help force, because the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Offer to help, let me speak to you in difficult situations. If the person refuses, agree that you will offer help and support, for example, every week or every month. So you limit yourself to the time frame and will not push, but will remain available to help.

see also

• How to recognize hidden depression in your family →
• 25 simple ways to get rid of depressive thoughts →
• How to be a good friend for a person depressed →