10 jobs for those who do not have enough love and human warmth

Rules of the game

These jobs are for you if you want:

• Love that in your life is not enough.
• More comfortable to hold in society.
• Strengthen the closest relationship.
• Get rid of loneliness.
• Find good use his great heart.

How to play

Perform one task each day.

Task number 1: learn to enjoy good

Scientists believe the secret number 1 in building strong relationships active and constructive response or abbreviated AKP. It strengthens all kinds of relationships - not only romantic, but also workers, family and friendship. AKP includes an expression of sincere joy, interest and enthusiasm for the success of others. Instead of passive "congratulations" or "keep it up" (or even worse - the apparent sabotage of joy with the manifestation of negative reactions) you actively enter into a positive conversation about the good news.

Here's how to do it:

• Be enthusiastic. Put your affairs and take a person all his attention. Try to feel the same enthusiasm as the other person.
• Ask questions. They must be related to the news: "You will tell more?", "When will it happen?", "How long have you been trying to find out?"
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• Congratulate the person and express your joy for him. It is simple, but make sure you let him know directly that share his joy: "I'm so happy for you."
• Again have lived experience with a man. Keep conversation. Success - that's what you need to enjoy. Ask tell you the details. For example, if your partner has learned the good news, you ask: "Where were you when I found out about this?", "What did you say when he heard the news?" "Who did you tell about it first?"

All this sounds very simple, but there is nothing that is not conducive to long-term strong and successful relationship as the AKP of its participants.

Task number 2: enjoy the moment

Your assignment for today - to try out a new skill, mastered yesterday - active constructive responding.

Ask someone to tell you about one of my favorite moments in the past. For example, if you're dining with a friend or acquaintance, ask him what was the best meal of his life.

Once your partner begins to talk, reacts to his memories, like a true ally. Do not forget to use all four techniques AKP:

• Demonstrate enthusiasm;
• ask questions;
• congratulate and express their joy;
• living the experience with him.

Task number 3: learn to love and to express gratitude

Scientists have long figured out that gratitude makes people happier and healthier.

Filled with strong feelings "thank you" change your attitude for the next 24 hours.

It will increase the likelihood that you will find something good in every counter, you will get stronger in the sense of hope and compassion. This much power "thanks"Also inspires and the person who takes your gratitude.

But not every "thank you" implies a response. A text message with a word "thank you" may slightly strengthen the social bond, but if you want to bring their gratitude favor, you need to learn a special kind of "thank you".

"A super thank you", consisting of three parts, developed by Dr. Kelly McGonigal, a professor of psychology at Stanford University and an expert in the science of expressing gratitude.

• Find the advantages. What good did you the man? Answer specifically!
• Recognize effort. That may be given to him with difficulty?
• Identify strengths. What good do you see in person to thank?
• Always begin and end with the words "thank you".

Here's how it looks like in practice:

• Find the advantage: "Thank you for the offer of new music for workouts. She helped me feel motivation today, although it seemed to me that I'm too tired to exercise. "
• Recognize effort: "You got so much to do! I am very pleased that you still remember about my desire to do more. "
• Identify strengths, "You know how to support and help anyone to achieve the goals. I see that you're worried about my success as well as about her. "
• "Thanks".

To consolidate knowledge and to finish the job, repeat these words out loud five times: to find an advantage, to recognize effort to identify strengths. This is all that is necessary for the "thank you" that changes lives.

Task number 4: express your first "super-thank you"

Choose someone and thanked him today. Be sure to follow three steps:

• find advantage;
• acknowledge the effort;
• manifest strengths.

Many people find easier to practice this skill, first in writing. In this case, it is time to consider thoroughly what you want to say.

Task number 5: Find what pleases

When you communicate with the unfamiliar person, ask him about something that will not leave him indifferent. For example:

• What makes you happy in the last days?
• What do you most want to do in the next couple of weeks?
• What's the most amazing thing you have done lately?

Listen carefully to the answer: your goal - to identify it in a positive strong side companion. For example, if a person mentions the new courseWhich he visits, it speaks of his thirst for knowledge. If he is talking about their grandchildren, it shows his ability to love and be loved. If he is glad the upcoming match or a new movie, it's a sign of interest, enthusiasm and vigor.

Definition of strong human hand - always win because you are better to know it. But the connection between you will be more robust if you mention in conversation his strengths. It's not as difficult as it may seem. All you need - a simple comment like, "You're very brave," "I've always admired your thirst for knowledge," or "You know how to appreciate beauty like no other."

Task number 6: learn to ask questions to identify strengths

Time to test-drive your new skill to identify strengths. Select the person with whom you will see in the next 24 hours, and talk to one of the themes proposed in the previous paragraph. The task is completed, if you find and think at least one defining the strong side.

Target number 7: put into question the loneliness

Feeling loneliness - one of the most common negative emotions in the world. The best thing you can do - to qualitatively change their thoughts about loneliness. Instead take them literally, put them into question. Ask yourself: "How do I know that's true? Can I find the evidence to the contrary? Is there a way to rethink this a positive experience? "

According to studies, a change negative thoughts four times more effective than any other method of struggle with loneliness. You will have the opportunity to test this skill when performing the next job.

Task number 8: get rid of the three thoughts about loneliness

Here are three negative thoughts that may arise after the meeting in a public place. How could neutralize each of them? Remember the strategy of getting rid of thoughts about loneliness: put into question their assumptions, find evidence to the contrary and reframe perceptions!

• "I have nothing in common with the people with whom I met tonight".
• "Everyone was interested in listening to what I had to say."
• "Everyone except me, had a great time."

Setting the number 9: love yourself

To develop samosostradanie, go through three stages:

• Pay attention to your feelings. Acknowledge feelings.
• Allow yourself to want to ease that suffering - the way you would try to alleviate the suffering of a friend or loved one.
• Recognize that you are not alone in their suffering. It is part of the common human experience, connecting you with other people.

Here's a technique that experts consider to be the fastest and easiest way of showing kindness to him. Place both hands on his chest to the heart, thus expressing kindness to him. Feel the warmth of your hands and take three deep, relaxed breaths. This technique is called "hand on heart".

Try to do it right now for at least 15 seconds. Repeat this technique on the course of the day, when you feel the need to show kindness to her.

Task number 10: say what you want to hear

You can double the power of art "hand on heart", if will make a small addition.

When your hands are placed on the chest, ask yourself: "What I need to hear right now, to feel kindness to yourself?"

Catch phrase, flashed in my head as an answer to this question. Let it be your mantra samodobroty the day.

A few ideas:

• I accept myself as I am.
• Today I am very strong.
• I forgive myself.

Congratulations! You have mastered the five powerful new skills, this is your bonuses. Now you can:

• Rejoice as a true ally.
• Express "super-thank you."
• Find something amazing in others.
• To get rid of thoughts about loneliness.
• Testing mellowness.

The material has been prepared on the basis of book SuperBetter Jane McGonigal.

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