3 exercises to worry less about the opinions of others

All of us happen to experience fear opinion of others. Sometimes it is harmless, but sometimes paves the way for such effects that are detrimental to your chances to succeed in the work. Here are three exercises that will help get rid of it.

Exercise 1. The strength goals

The first exercise that I offer you, can change your life forever. And here I am not exaggerating, and rely on the experience of the people with whom she worked.

Sometimes you this: you are in the crowd saw a man thought, "That's my other half" - and has anyone else noticed? Or that you are on the road paying attention to only one machine, because it is of such've always dreamed of? Each of us is capable of so much focus on the ultimate goal, everything else disappears from view, even the thoughts of others.

Well put such crisp, clear goals, so that you felt as though you have already achieved them.

Let's see how it's done. You can recall the SMART-goals (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound), but these parameters is not limited.

You need to make to you, nothing could take away from the path chosen or slow down this:

1. Make sure that the goal is related to your core values.

2. Write down everything that you can do to achieve this goal. And here's the secret: do not think about the time, a lack of skills or resources to external circumstances that you are unfamiliar with such a movie star or that unicorns do not exist. Do not limit your imagination, write down everything, even the craziest ideas.

When you grant full freedom to his creative thinking, your mind is able to extract the ideas that are hiding there from the depths of the subconscious.

While you're worried about what people think about you around, your brain had no time to look smart or innovative solutions that can help you achieve your desired. This exercise will relieve your mind.

So if you constantly worry because of what you think about this or that colleague fix is ​​now on paper what you want to achieve, not what you want to think about that person. This is an internal goal, not external. Is there in this picture is your colleague? Maybe it will be in your submission? If so, how and when? And if he is not directly related to your goals, then it is not necessary to include a detailed list of things that will help you achieve this goal.

3. When you get a big list of what you could do, take another sheet and continue it. The more you write, the more deeply immersed in this exercise, the more you experience the ideas and the more powerful they are. At first you were recording what has long been spinning in your head and do not give sleep. To arrive at an effective ideas, you first need to understand the silly and absurd.

Of crazy ideas are born intelligent.

Of course, talk about the magical unicorns or fantasize about how you blow up all the phones, to finally it was quiet, - This is madness. But born of reasonable crazy ideas. You are unlikely to become a breaking phones in the office, but it can bring to the job Safe'n'Sound or come earlier, while anybody yet, or disable the sound on your phone. Do you see why it is so important to continue the list? Perhaps it will not be easy. But do not give up. If you have unusual dream, I give below a few tips that will induce you to creative goals:

• "I can leave and start their own business. However, I need to invest in a few million (I have it magically appear) to recruit the top five experts in the industry (they brainwashed that they have agreed to work for me), and I also, too, magically, I will be the best negotiator in the world and will provide us with the most favorable contracts. " (It is a crazy plan, but go on to develop it: crazy ideas liberating creative thinking.)
• "I can become the first in the world by an independent expert in the field. However, in our industry that it never was, but I magically change everything. " (In many industries, major changes have occurred because someone looked at the situation and said, "Well, why do it?" Let your creative thinking will ask the same question.)

4. When you get a very big list, reread your crazy ideas. Which of them are intuitively attracted to you? (So ​​far, do not let take over the rational part of the mind that says. "That's impossible") Perhaps you will laugh at the silly fantasies, and perhaps find in them the rudiments of sound ideas. Everything changes. Remember this, because when we make assumptions about what others think, it can affect our actions.

When we formulate clear goals that come from within and not rely on someone else's opinion, we can focus on them.

Select from the list of the most interesting ideas, but no more than three. Oversupply of goals is no better than an overabundance of ideas: we cease to act because they do not know for what to catch.

5. Think of what to do to achieve each of the goals. Do not drop any crazy ideas, they just might pull realistic solutions from the depths of your subconscious.

6. Which of these actions will you take?

7. The main problem with most goals - your unfounded assumptions. What did you come up with yourself in advance about this? Are you suggesting that the work required of you just to be on time and to perform their duties, and not to express the latest offers? "As the chief might be interested in my idea that will save the company 15% of the selection of staff?"

You assume that inspired the magnificent business speaker that you are listening, do not need an accountant, so you come to him after the show and not tell, as they could help him (tell, not "sell" themselves - in the XXI century so things do not done!). You assume that a person in sight, which is not at the event brings to you the eye, anger and hatred. Or maybe he is jealous of your success and wants to know how you manage it. "What succeed? Nothing I did not succeed, I have therefore, look! "

8. Assumptions - it is a great obstacle to success. Remember the simple rule: do not know for sure - do not assume. What is there who is thinking - not your concern. You have to focus on what - on your goals at work.

9. Stay focused. If you have formulated a specific purpose and a plan of action, constantly and productively working on them, fight unwarranted assumptions that make you prokrastinirovat, distracted from the positive thoughts and lose motivation, Then the focus should not be difficult.

However, any successful person will tell you that on the road to success is not to avoid stress and failure. How you will maintain your focus? Where you have a positive margin on a rainy day? In order not to be distracted from the goal, remember about people, places, words and activities that will set you on a positive.

Exercise 2. The game "Bubbles"

This exercise is very useful when you are too concerned about what others think: it is a reminder that the rest just as preoccupied as you are.

Now prove it. Many times I have led workshops and speeches about fear public speaking and how to overcome it. And there is nothing worse events for business contacts. In a room full of experts, I point to the person who is sitting the farthest away from me on the left side, and I say. "That's who is now afraid of most of all present" And everybody laughs.

Then I explain: if the training of the speech to the audience you are telling, that now all of them try their hand at blitz reports, and start you on the right side, then the person who sits on the left the last, thinking, "Oh no, I have to turn in will reach the end! "

I read somewhere the phrase that we would rather be in the coffin than give a speech at the funeral, can you imagine?

In essence, this means that he will not hear anybody speaking: at least half an hour he would worry and think about how to act. How do I know? From my own experience! And in the hall always laugh, because everyone is familiar. And when I ask students, "What do you think when you are sitting in the room, and do not protrude from the scene?" - I answer:

• "I am glad that I do not speak";
• "I would like this would never happen";
• "If the microphone will start to wear down the hall, I'll pretend that I get a call and go out";
• "In my head porridge, because soon my turn to speak."

And now the same thing applied to worry about what others think about you. When you need to express your opinion, and you have in your head is spinning, "Everyone thinks that I am rubbish," "They are looking at a pimple on my nose" "I'm sure they are wondering why I have asked to speak, and not as something" - in fact, everyone is thinking: "Oh, well, that does not serve me with the stage! "

The next time you feel fear, play a game of "Bubbles". Imagine that every listener over the head with a puff of his thoughts, as in the comics. What you will read there? Forgive me if I will scatter your fancy, but everyone thinks about themselves and their problems: you are not so important to be thinking about you all day! So what will be written in the cloud?

• "I wonder what will be fed to the coffee break?"
• "In my opinion, I do not shut the window."
• "And the sound of the phone, I turned off or forgotten? Now suddenly rings - get uncomfortable. "
• "I think I drove tights. How to quietly check went or did not go until he had to get up? "
• "Oh, I think this is Mr. Smith. They say that in his department the vacancy opened. It will be necessary to approach it and to clarify, if only to wait until the report is over. "
• "That's how speakers manage to so calmly and confidently stand on the stage? I was in the hall is not on its own, it seems that all they look at me. "

Exercise 3. Let us write, vykrichites, throw

Finally, if you are concerned about the opinion of others, there will be times when you have to react to it. Not all thoughts of others can be ignored. Perhaps your instincts suggest that you really discuss behind the eyes, and this is not the best way affects the outcome of your work. Here is a final exercise - it is called "Let us write, vykrichites, throw."

I love reading about great people such as Mohandas Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Winston Churchill. And I was saddened that so many share them on social networks citationsBut do not know anything about their actions. All the great events in history - is the result of action, not words. Yes, in the beginning with great people have thoughts, but the real significance of their actions. And it is their actions, not what they said, changed history. It is important to remember to exercise "Let us write, vykrichites, throw."

• Do you think that say about you behind your eyes?
• How does it affect you?
• How does it affect your success?
• Do not need to (so far) to cause gossip to a frank conversation.
• Take a sheet of paper and write down everything, without exception, what comes to mind when you think about the consequences of how people think about you. Write how you think it affects your life, your success, your future.
• Now let yourself really angry because of this: "How dare he!", "How dare he hurt my success!", "How dare he his feet to climb in my life aspirations! It's disgusting, it's disgusting, it's outrageous! "

It has become easier? Or do you still feel that you are being bullied and do not respect? There are two versions of events.

1. You realize that in complete control of what goes on in your head, and it does not depend on what happens in the mind of this man. So you can focus on your career and goals and will no longer react badly to someone else's opinion. Now it is possible to break and throw away everything that you have written about their experiences because of the opinion of others: this is not your thoughts. It is the thoughts of another person who has the experience, his own life, your talents and your values. How can it affect your purpose in life?

2. Do you feel that the risk is still here: the man can actually hinder your success at work. This is one of those rare cases where necessary to challenge the opinions of others, and not only in his head; you may want to call a person a frank conversation, no matter how frightening the prospect. Anyway, you do away with the unpleasant situation, and you will be able to focus on your goals.

Straight Talk will allow to lighten the mood and to understand each other's perspectives. Think about what you say companion, calmly, clearly and without unnecessary emotions, how will carry him to his position.

I watched after a frank conversation gossip, hurt and stung, began secretly mischief (though it may to nothing: his opponent is now in charge of a team in which more than 45 people, including the hapless gossip). I watched as anxiety about other people's opinions instantly evaporate, because it turned out that the reason was a lack of understanding. I watched as former rivals end up fine works because they have turned out a lot in common.

Of course, it is terrible to think, but on the way to success in the work can not do without problems, when in fact it is necessary to raise the game and act in spite of fear.

Here, as elsewhere, the pledge movement forward - the three conditions: a specific goal, a healthy self-confidence and belief in their success.

Now it is possible to break and throw away everything that you have written about their experiences because of the opinion of others: this is not your thoughts. It is the thoughts of another person who has the experience, his own life, your talents and your values. So how can it affect your purpose in life? Why would he allow? Forward to success in your work!

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Read about other common human fears and how to combat them can be in the book Mandy Holgate "Win your own. How to get rid of negative attitudes and succeed. "

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