Why the obsession with positive prevents us from living

Today we hear from everywhere that you need "think positively"Psychologists and some even claim that it is necessary to have a" positive illusions "about himself and his life. This means that in order to achieve something, you have to think about yourself a little better than to have a base.

Rather than focus on positive goals that you want to achieve, you will learn [from this passage - a comment. Ed.], as much as possible to think about the negative aspects of life.

Of course, the meaning of life is not to complain about everything, but if we do not have the right to do, it's annoying.

This approach has many advantages:

• Firstly, you will get the right to think and speak anything. After all, in fact, many people love to grumble. The reasons for this are different: gasoline went up again, the weather is bad, the whiskey began to turn gray.
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• Secondly, the concentration on the negative makes it possible to solve the problem. The weather, however, nothing can be done, but if you can not point out flaws in the work, and focus only on success, it quickly lead to dissatisfaction and disappointment.
• Third, realizing all the bad things that can happen to you - and the inevitable happens - you will experience a sense of gratitude for what you have, and will no longer enjoy his life. […]

Tyranny positive

Barbara Held, a prominent American professor of psychology, he has long been critical of the phenomenon, which is called "the tyranny of the positive." [...] Some people believe that you need to "think positively", "focus on internal resources" and to consider the problem of how interesting "challenges".

Even seriously ill people are expected, because of his illness, "they will draw experience" and ideally become stronger.

In countless books on self-development and "suffering stories" people with physical and mental illnesses are told that would not want to avoid the crisis, because thanks to him, learned a lot. I think a lot of those seriously ill or experiencing a life crisis, feel the need to pressure a positive attitude towards the situation.

But very few speak out loud about what actually hurt - it's terrible, and would be better if it had never happened to them. Typically, the header of such books is as follows: "As I went through stress and learned", and it is unlikely you will find a book, "How I experienced the stress and nothing good came of it."

We are not only experiencing stress, get sick and die, but also have to think that all this teaches us a lot and enriched.

If you, like me, it seems that there is something clearly wrong, we should learn to pay more attention to the film and thus to fight the tyranny of positive. This will give you another foot to stand firmly on his feet.

We must regain the right to think that sometimes it all just bad, period.

Fortunately, it became aware of many psychologists, such a critical psychologist Bruce Levine. According to him, the first of the ways of health professionals exacerbate the problems of the people - this is the advice for victims to change attitudes to the situation. "Just look at it positively!" - one of the worst phrases that can tell the person in trouble. […]

Complaints as an alternative

Barbara Held offers an alternative to compulsory positive - complaints. She even wrote a book, which tells how to learn to grumble. [...] The main idea of ​​the book Heald is that life is never absolutely everything well. Sometimes it's simple is not so bad. Hence, the reason for there will always be complaints.

Falling property prices - you can complain to the depreciation of the capital. If property prices are rising, you can complain about how everything superficially discuss the growing capital. Life is hard, but, according to Held, this in itself is not a problem. The problem is that we are forced to think that life is not difficult. When asked how things were going, it is expected that, we say: "Everything is great!" But in fact everything is very bad because you the husband has changed.

By learning to focus on the negative - and complain about it - it is possible to work out a mechanism that helps to make life more bearable.

But grumbling - this is not the only way to cope with difficult situations. Freedom to complain is related to the ability to face reality and accept it as it is. This gives us dignity, unlike the behavior of the positive person ever who vehemently insists that there is no bad weather (only bad clothes). Sometimes, it happens, Mr. Lucky. And it's nice to complain about the weather, sitting at home with a mug of hot tea!

We need to regain the right to grumble, even if it does not lead to positive changes. But if you can bring to them, the more important. And notice that grumbling is always directed outward. We complain about the weather, politics, football team. We are not to blame, as they are!

Freedom to complain is related to the ability to face reality and accept it as it is.

Positive approach, by contrast, is directed inward - if something is wrong, we have to work on themselves and their motivation. To blame ourselves. Unemployed people should not complain about the social assistance system - otherwise you can pass lazy - in fact, you can just pull yourself together, begin to think positively and to find a job.

You just have to "believe in yourself" - but this one-sided approach, which brings the most important social, political and economic problems to the issue of motivation and positivity of the individual.

acceptance of life

My grandmother, who has ninety-six now, often advises people to "be reconciled." In difficult times, she believes, should not strive to "overcome difficulties". This is too much. Overcome - so deal with the problem and eliminate it completely. But in life there are many things that can not simply be eliminated.

People - being vulnerable and fragile, they get sick and die. It can not be "overcome." But this can be reconciled. Problems remain, but it will be easier to live. It also allows you to find support.

If something can not be changed, it can rely on.

As my grandmother says, it is better to face reality than to "live in the paradise of fools." Better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a pig satisfied, in the words of the English utilitarian John Stuart Mill in the XIX century. Not everything is possible, and not everything in life happens for the best. But in life there is something that can be pursued, such as the dignity and sense of reality.

The idea is to learn to see the bad unvarnished. Something, perhaps, can be corrected, but a lot can not be changed. Accept it.

However, we need to the right to criticize and complaints. If you always turn a blind eye to the negative, the greater the shock when something bad is going to happen after all. Thinking about the negative, we are arming for the fight against future troubles. In addition, due to complaints we realize that there is something good in life. Sore toe - yes, but well, that is not the whole leg!

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