How to stop worry about mistakes and begin to grow

How long are you plagued by memories of experienced failures? Does it seem to you, if you ever lose your credibility if you say stupid one? Can a person change for the better, develop your talent, intelligence and moral qualities? The answers are very much dependent on these simple questions.

You want to be a genius? Get it!

Many believe that at birth we strictly gets a certain amount of intelligence, ability, and talent - the constant set of qualities, which will have to live up to the very end. It is installed on a given.

The person with this position is constantly trying to prove their superiority to others. It only cares about how he looks in the eyes of others: intelligent or stupid, gifted or mediocre.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have outstanding qualities, but the man with the installation of a fact not aware that they can be developed. Therefore, any failure is seen as a disaster, and introduced error - as the indelible imprint.

The stronger the fear of failure, the less we are willing to make an effort and learn something new.

Quite different people perceive themselves, aimed at growth. They understand that the qualities that nature has endowed us - only a starting point for further development. Once you accept this setting, you will no longer frighten the complexity and possible failure on the way to success.

Do not underestimate the power of effort. Edison as his biographer says Paul Israel, was quite typical of a child, but an incredible curiosity, a passion for invention and self-made him different from the others. Did Mozart certainly has the talent, I would be able to write at least one masterpiece without the hard work, from which even his fingers were deformed?

Exercise 1

Is there anything in your past life is something that you think you put a stigma on you? For example, a failed exam? Someone's betrayal? Dismissal from work? Or maybe your feeling rejected?

Focus on this event. Feel yourself in the emotions it aroused in you then. And now look at everything from the point of view of installation on growth. Honestly evaluate their role in the incident and realize that it can not serve as a measure of your intelligence or your personality. And just ask yourself: 'What I drew a lesson (Or can derive) from this experience? How can I use it as a base for growth? "And let this thought always accompanies you.

Exercise 2

Think about who think their hero. What is it? Did you know that he seems to possess exceptional abilities and easily achieves the most? Now find out how things work in reality. Find out what incredible efforts cost him his achievements. And begin to admire the man even more.

A few examples from the world of sports

It would seem much in the sport as though everything depends on the nature of data. If you do not fit the physical parameters, then you can not see success. Have you heard about the player NBA Muggsy Bogues, whose height - 160 centimeters? You know the one-armed baseball player Pete Gray, who was in the big leagues?

The size of a fist, arm length, volume and weight of the breast Mohammed Ali said that from it will not exactly a great fighter. Michael Jordan in the youth national team was expelled from school, and then was not accepted into the college team.

What helped all these athletes become the best of the best? Once the installation on the growth and hard work.

Great athletes know that you can not always win. Defeat for them - this is not the end of the game, and only the incentive to develop, acquire new knowledge and develop skills.

Once Minnesota Vikings quarterback Jim Marshall accidentally scored a goal for the opposing team. This is seen by millions of viewers on the air! Athlete, by his own admission, was burning with shame. The man with the installation of a reality, to put hands for a long time and reveled in their shame. But Marshall tried to correct the error in the second inning and had a brilliant game. The failure was his calling!

Exercise 3

Think about any kind of sport, which would you like to do, but you always thought that you will not succeed. How can you know in advance about the failure, without putting the matter in a maximum effort? Some of the best athletes of the world at first not been so good in his discipline. If you want to do some sport, try to invest in it and see the result.

How to form the child unit on growth

Scientists have conducted an interesting study. First they offered the children do the simple tasks of IQ-test. Most cope with the task, and some kids praised for the mind, and others - for their efforts.

Before the experiment, the subjects were the same success. But then there were differences. Those who are praised for intelligence, refused to carry out more complex tasks when they are given the choice. They feared that the show itself was not so smart. It took only one sentence to adjust them to reality!

Children in the second group were treated to the new challenges with far more interest.

This experiment demonstrates the importance of praise for their efforts, rather than personal qualities.

From what you say to the child, depends on its psychological setting. She, in turn, affects the success in learning (and not only).

Psychologists have noticed that in the transition to high school performance of children with the installation of a given drop sharply and then continues to deteriorate. It would seem that everything is clear: things become more complex, the demands - tougher. But students with the installation of the growth, by contrast, increased assessment.

For pupils with the installation of a reality during this period - a big test. That's what worries them: "I'm smart or dumb? I'm cool or nerdy? I'm a winner or a loser? "Of course, they are trying to defend themselves. The most brilliant students simply do not work because they do not want to risk. After all, they believe that adults are trying to measure their abilities. And if you do not make efforts, I always have a consolation: "I just did not try."

Schoolchildren same with the installation of the increase does not make sense to choose this strategy. For them, adolescence - a time of opportunity.

Exercise 4

Every word and action of the parent sends a child signal. Tomorrow, listen carefully to what you say the fumes, and catch your words inherent in the message. What information do they carry? That the quality of the child's constant and you evaluate them? Or that you are interested in its development?

Remember that praising intelligence and talent of the child, you are imposing it on a given installation. Do not do this, No matter how great the temptation was. Such praise undermines self-esteem and motivation of the child.

The secret of successful relationships

Of attitudes it depends not only professional success, but also the nature of the relationship with others: family, friends and loved ones. For example, consider a romantic relationship. Man, tuned to a given, it says something like this: "Either my partner fully understands me and shares my views, or it does not fit me. Or our sense of perfect, or they are worthless. " Not surprisingly, at the same time, any little thing can destroy everything.

Users installing the growth of understanding a few simple truths:

1. The relationship should be developed, but it needs to make an effort.
2. All people are able to work on their weaknesses and change for the better.
3. Mismatch of opinion - it is not a disaster but an occasion for dialogue.

We all have a quarrel. But look at how differently you can respond to them! People with the installation of a reality very easy to hang labels. In their view, any opponent, or they are not good enough. There is no third. Such an attitude only leads to recrimination, resentment and self-flagellation.

At the same time, those who are set to rise, try to reasonably resolve the conflict and to draw conclusions that will help to develop both partners.

Exercise 5

Imagine a perfect love affair. This means that among you shall be fully compatible in all things, is not it? No disagreement, no compromise, no effort and sacrifice? Yes? Then please think again.

In any relationship there are friction. Try to look at them in terms of setting growth: problems can be a means to achieve a better understanding and greater intimacy.

Allow your partner to make a claim. Listen to them carefully and discuss patiently and kindly. You'll be surprised how close to each other you will be after that.

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