How to take control of emotions
Books / / December 19, 2019
1. "Risk control" of emotions, giving the brain stability
Try to reduce the number of negative incentives
We can not on their own to stop the emergence of emotion in the brain. Bad things seem to us unpleasant, tiring - exhausting. An effective way to control emotions - not to try to control them, and generate their incentives. This technique can be divided into two approaches:
- Quantitatively control the stimuli that generate emotions.
- Change the interpretation of the "loaded" in the brain information (memories).
First, let's talk about the first version.
At problems control stimuli cause us emotions, there are two aspects. Firstly, it is a balance between pleasant and unpleasant pulses, second - between the weak and strong.
Quantitative control of incentives suggests two things. The first - is to achieve a balance between pleasant and unpleasant, the second - the regulation of the impact force.
If something very unpleasant or irritating lasts too long, it is necessary to reduce the amount thereof. But not always we have the physical ability to do it: sometimes it is necessary to carry out some important, though not bring joy
work, Sometimes - to communicate with people who we do not like.In such cases, it is important "to some extent" to reduce the number of negative stimuli.
When a lot of things that you perform and feel like do not like, it is necessary to include in the calendar is something else you have to plan that brings you pleasure.
When you have a lot of work or study and hard for you, plan at the end of the day something very pleasant.
Uninspiring incentives from this are not going anywhere, but in the long term will be a balance between pleasant and unpleasant, and the brain will not suffer from an excess of negative emotions. And it's good impact on motivation and activity.
"Very unpleasant" plus "very nice" is not equal to the balance
Remember that for the control of emotions is very important balance of strong and weak incentives.
In mathematical terms, if after something very bad will follow something very nice, get a zero, then there is a balance. But in the case of the brain, this logic does not work.
If something particularly unpleasant will constantly alternate with something very pleasant (or vice versa), it can lead to tangible emotional buildup and loss of balance. As a result, you will become more difficult to talk calmly, you will "take" in the extreme.
To avoid this, after the occupation, which causes severe emotions, It is necessary to proceed to a quiet work or study, almost does not affect any of the senses.
Such emotional "risk control" - a useful skill for modern people living in a time when emotional stimuli very much. You can even train yourself to do it all the time, to stabilize the brain.
Control of emotions as a balanced ratio of "6 to 3 to 1"
Emotional stimuli is best distributed in the ratio of "6 to 3: 1."
I offer to build their plans so that 6 of them were "nice, preferred" (this includes the fact that you do not want to do, but it is useful for your future, and something that you are neutral), 3 - "a little uncomfortable, a little troublesome" and 1 - "something very unpleasant and very troublesome ".
You might think that, ideally, for the emotional "risk control" should be even stronger decrease number of unpleasant and pleasant as close as possible to 10, but, in terms of brain function, it is bad idea.
The brain tries to minimize labor costs
I think you heard about this phenomenon: among working ants there is always some part that does not do anything. If they are removed and leave only those who do not take time off, then after a while some of them will no longer work as well. The brain has a similar property. He always strives to reduce energy costs.
Imagine that you are doing a job that you feel terribly difficult. Everything else than it looks "desirable and preferred," and you think that everything would be perfect if you could get the money by doing just that. But what happens if you have the chance to really do Only the fact that it seemed "desirable and advantageous?" Surely some of the work that used to be so attractive to become unpleasant and troublesome. As a result, once you decide that you need to get rid of it, and then everything will be fine.
The same thing happens in communicating with people. Usually everyone has a person that is not very nice to talk to. It seems to us that all our friends but it suits us. We want to stop communicating with him, but what happens when this desire fulfilled? Most likely, you will enjoy a very short very pleasant surroundings. Among the people that you seem to be pretty, few people will appear who will like it less. And among them, in turn, someone suddenly you become an extremely unpleasant.
Our positive assessment for the most part are not absolute, but relative. Therefore, when something "unpleasant and unwanted" disappears, there is a new "unpleasant and undesirable."
There will always be something that we do not like or do not want to do
I have often mentioned in his writings that the brain is by nature lazy and tends to idleness. He not only gets rid of neural networks, which are not used for a long time, but also seeks to reduce the number of active, functioning networks. This can be called a reduction of labor costs.
Because of this property of the brain you are unlikely to get rid of "bad and troublesome," even if you try to leave in your life just "pleasant and desirable." Brain still find something embarrassing.
Most likely, if a person will be in an environment where you can absolutely free to choose their own work and social circle, he is going on about this properties of the brain, will gradually reduce the number of its activities and eventually come to the fact that the most pleasant - to sit alone and nothing do.
Try to accept this fact: you have in your life is always going to be something a bit unpleasant, that will not suit you completely. It is natural.
But sometimes it is useful to do very unpleasant things. The presence of these tasks help us feel how pleasant the other things.
It is also dangerous for the brain predominance of unpleasant stimuli. It is therefore important to monitor the ratio of negative and positive, for the balance of the strengths and weaknesses of emotions.
Ideally you will be able to make their daily schedule so that the "pleasant and preferred" classes for a total of slightly outweighed "a little uncomfortable" and "very unpleasant."
Here I ask you to remember the following ideas:
- "An unpleasant and troublesome" will not disappear completely from your life.
- Control emotions based on the ratio of "6 to 3: 1."
2. How to alleviate the discomfort by changing the interpretation of the
Emotions are contained in the interpretation of events in our memory
Now let's look at how you can "change the interpretation" of the information contained in the brain (ie, memory).
Emotions are not tied directly to the words that we read or hear, or to the fact that we are experiencing. They emerge from the memories of all this, and of our interpretations of memories. It can therefore be of the same events to make both positive and negative incentive, interpreting it differently.
For example, remember how you made a remark to the boss. At first you will feel uncomfortable and perhaps boring, but if you convince yourself that remark goes in your favor, this feeling will weaken. If you istolkuete his claim as the desire to help you, it is probably the word that first touched you, turn into positive memories.
To resort to such a change in the logical interpretation as needed - one of the most important ways to control their emotions.
I'll tell you what simple methods can achieve this.
To think alien head
One of the easiest ways to reinterpret the information in the brain - "think alien head." Let's look at this example of a situation where you seriously criticize.
The man has the instinct, so when we say something wrong or doing something a disadvantage for us, first we experience discomfort.
If at such moments even the cognitive system is fully customizable to defend themselves with the thought, "Why should I put up with this? Do not allow it! ", The discomfort increases, and in the end we are ready to attack the offender. At the same time, we are no different from animals.
The man - a social being. Society is made up of people who think like you do not have other values, desires and feelings. To understand and to some extent to take this fact - an important condition in order to be part of society, and it also forms the basis of the ability to control their emotions.
It's obvious, but think about it: those who criticized you, like you, has some of his aspirations, he also has the man he wants to protect, as well as the self-preservation instinct, periodic mood swings etc. To begin, it is important to try to understand it.
Try to stand in his place and imagine how difficult for him than he can be unhappy, as you look in his eyes. Often such restructuring helps to realize that, for example, the person criticizing you because it pressured subordinates. Or he always takes time to communicate with his family, which he appreciates, and because of this, he was angry at everything.
If you have some time some practice like this "alien head thinking," surely you gradually disappear initial displeasure, after you say or do something bad.
And if you also will be able to tune in to find a mutually beneficial solution to the problem, think about what you can do for this person, you will learn more quieter refer to the comments.
Think about the emotional balance of society
Sometimes even "thinking someone else's head," you feel that you have been treated unfairly. In such cases it is useful to "think of the social brain."
For example, I like managerSometimes criticized on the Fund meetings. And sometimes the comments can not be considered fair. Then I think, "He unleashed his anger on me, but due to this, I hope, his emotions become more positive than they were."
So I'm trying to resolve the emotional balance of the whole organization.
Being part of the community, a person must not only benefit, but also to suffer losses. The latter causes us discomfort, but the ability to "think about the social brain" will help you to control their emotions.
Extend the time frame and pay attention to what you have acquired during this period
Another easy way to change the interpretation of the information that has in the brain- to extend the time frame.
For example, try to recall one of its major failures. Memory works on the following principle: the newer the information in it, the easier it is to remember it. Respectively, and the emotions associated with new experiences, stronger than those that are associated with the old.
Therefore, the experience caused by the recent loss, felt stronger than the emotions caused by long-time acquisition.
To overcome this by using rational thinking and avoid unnecessary negativity, try to accustom ourselves to count over a longer period of time gains and losses.
For example, you have committed a serious error and They lost their jobs. Now surely for you it is a great loss. But try to look at the whole situation for a longer time interval. Certainly before the bad time you had a lot to gain: the knowledge gained on the job, experience, money, personal touch. After this, you have not lost.
Which of purchased stay with you? Try to gradually recall more and more of such things. More is better not to think about it in your mind and write down on paper.
The most valuable resources in life - knowledge, experience and personal connections, and they usually do not get lost so easily.
Use for the benefit of yourself that you have, and try to look at the situation from a different perspective.
I, too, suffered life several major setbacks, but tried in such sad times pay attention to the fact that acquired that I had. In the end, I was gradually regaining its positive mood, Arguing that I had come to the capital from villages in the prefecture of Aichi empty-handed, which means that if I go back to at least one bag, you'll be in the black.
By itself, a bad experience too, will eventually be useful for you to purchase.
Always be in the role of a winner - bad
Society seems to me a great scene where some people - the main role, while others - the secondary. There are roles winners, and there are - losers. There are those who vigorously applauded, but there are those who criticize.
Society - is a collection of diverse roles, and perhaps not the best option - to speak all the time in the winner's role, the main character and the person to whom applauded. After all, thus you force someone to constantly be provided on a supporting role, in the image of a loser, the one who denounce.
In addition, if you are constantly in the black and almost always get the benefit, you, first, bad understand that in a society everything is relative, and secondly, you find it difficult to get up in the place of another. Perhaps all this will eventually lead to even greater problems.
When you happened to a major failure, consider that at the moment it is this - your role.
You now - it's not your whole personality as a whole, and your successes and failures - it's not all that you have.
Takashi Tsukiyama - a Japanese scientist, a practicing neuroscientist and expert work of the brain. In his non-fiction book he shares techniques that help to improve memory, efficiency and creativity. By learning about the possibilities of his brain, a person can achieve results that previously seemed unattainable.
In the book "It's just a stupor some! How to get rid of the fog in my head, to find clarity of thought and act "Tsukiyama tells how cope with negative emotions that interfere with work, where are the great ideas and how to keep motivation.
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