5 ways to judge others less

You silently judged the customer in the supermarket checkout line for being slow. Or, in a conversation with friends, they were outraged by school teachers who overload the child with homework. Or they rolled their eyes when a colleague lectured everyone else about work discipline. It is very easy to fall prey to judgmental thoughts.

And although it can be very nice to put yourself above others or find the simplest explanation for small inconveniences, such thinking oversimplifies the situation and is rarely beneficial. To get rid of it, first of all you need to understand when condemnation is for good and when it is harmful.

In general, it is okay to make judgments. This is how our brain works because our well-being depends on it. We need to evaluate ourselves and others in many situations to ensure our own safety and success in any endeavor. There is nothing wrong with criticizing a colleague as long as you do it in a polite and respectful manner. And walking around a strange person when you take your child to school is also normal, but only if you don’t mutter under your breath that he looks suspicious.

when we speak “I don’t want to judge others,” we most often mean “I don’t want to be a bad person” or “I don’t want to rush to conclusions.” And this is good. The desire to judge others less is the desire to be more kind and understanding. Here's how to do it.

1. Ask yourself why you judge others

Your judgment may be influenced by external factors. For example, if you have At work Although it is common to communicate ironically and exchange barbs, you may find it difficult to refrain from making sarcastic comments in other circumstances. Or social network algorithms have shaped your feed in such a way that you often come across posts from sarcastic bloggers, and you unwittingly begin to imitate them.

However, more often than not, personal wounds are hidden behind the condemnation. If our self-perception is based on insecurity, we may defend ourselves or try to compensate by devaluing others in order to feel better, at least briefly. This causes something of an addiction, but does not solve the problem.

So ask yourself why you judge others, and try to get to the bottom of the real reason. Most likely, you will learn a lot of new things about yourself.

2. Determine what exactly causes your judgmental words and thoughts

Train yourself every evening to remember 1-2 times when you judged someone without reason. What was it about that situation or that person that hooked you? Perhaps something specific made you subject everything to injustice criticism? Or were you just in a bad mood?

Our physical condition affects our ability to regulate thoughts, emotions and actions. Therefore, we are more likely to judge others when we are stressed, hungry or tired. To stay emotionally engaged and respond in a healthier way in these situations, it is important to listen to your body's needs and develop awareness. Any activity that trains concentration, such as journaling or meditation, is suitable for this.

3. Practice self-compassion

Especially if the source of the unhealthy habit of judging everyone around is self-doubt. In addition, a judgmental attitude towards one's own life experiences Maybe be a harbinger of depression and anxiety. This means the ability to demonstrate compassion to oneself is a matter of self-preservation.

However, it will take a long time to change deeply ingrained thinking patterns that resemble the operating system without which a computer simply cannot operate. So be patient and don't judge yourself too harshly because you will have to go through several update cycles before you start thinking differently.

When you understand that failure and mistakes are just part of the human experience, you will become more empathetic towards both yourself and other people.

4. Separate actions and character

Judgment often arises when we confuse what someone does with who they are. When we see an adult yelling at a disobedient child, it is easy to assume that he is a terrible parent. But in reality, this moment does not necessarily reflect his personal values ​​and typical behavior.

We are especially inclined to condemn people whose behavior is directed against us, thus trying to protect ourselves. This does not mean that we should allow others to behave with us as they please, just so as not to look in their eyes as someone who is always dissatisfied with everything. Thanks to clearly marked personal boundaries we don't become overextended emotionally, which means we can be more compassionate and less judgmental.

There is an important difference between “I don’t like the way you treat me” and “There’s something wrong with you.” In the first case we express our needs, in the second we attack the person’s character.

5. Be curious

When you are irritated by someone's behavior and negative judgmental thoughts begin to arise in your head, pause and ask yourself: “I wonder what happened to this person.” this morning and made him behave like this now? Or: “I wonder how his behavior would change if he knew how his actions made other people feel?”

It sounds cliché, but seeing a situation from someone else's point of view is one of the main components of empathy. Only it must be combined with compassion, otherwise it will not be possible to completely get rid of unhealthy condemnation. Empathy allows you to see that someone is hurting, and compassion gives you the motivation to act to relieve that pain. And this is the key to starting to judge other people less.