6 books to help improve self-esteem
Miscellaneous / / October 31, 2023
Psychological literature about internal flexibility and emotional invulnerability, helping to find a shortcut to harmony with oneself.
1. “Chillosophy: Experiences in getting out of hopelessness”, Irina Khakamada
At turning points in life, the question intrusively rings in your head: “Who am I?” When answering it, we focus more on the usual dogmas of society: gender, social status, norms and rules. Society determines our actions and imposes mass values.
But the true “I” is formed outside of society and, according to Irina Khakamada, constitutes, at best, 30% of the personality. These are our personal life guidelines, which are hidden deep in the subconscious under a layer of social attitudes. But they are the ones who give us inner support. If we do not deviate from the given guidelines even in exchange for financial benefits, for example, we follow the developed decision, we will never to go over our heads for career purposes or not to deceive even with the best intentions, we gain perseverance and confidence in our strength.
A new book by a life coach is devoted to how to find this inner support so that stand in a stream of constant chaos and bustle.
Buy a book2. "Healthy Self-Esteem: 10 Steps to Self-Confidence" by David Burns
The difference between self-esteem and self-confidence is huge. Confidence is built on experience: once we succeeded, it means we are likely to be able to do it again. Self-esteem is love and respect for oneself a priori, without regard to achievements. But achieving such consciousness is difficult. It seems to us that without a bright appearance and significant results, we we have low weight in this world. Low self-esteem brings with it a feeling of hopelessness and depression, anger and anxiety.
The founder of cognitive behavioral therapy, David Burns, is confident that all these emotions live in the head and depend on thoughts, which means you can improve your life by changing your perception. To combat low self-esteem and impostor syndrome, an American psychiatrist has developed his own program to restore mental balance.
This program has been tested on patients and forms the basis of the step-by-step practical guide “Healthy Self-Esteem”. Each chapter of the book reveals one of the negative attitudes, and also includes a diagnosis of well-being using proven tests and ready-made exercises for changing your way of thinking.
Buy a book3. "Mood Therapy: The Clinically Proven Way to Beat Depression Without Pills" by David Burns
In another book, David Burns compares self-esteem with a magnifying glass: the worse we think about ourselves, the more acutely we perceive absolutely natural mistakes and misdeeds. This fuels a negative attitude towards ourselves and turns us into a victim: we convince ourselves that we are not smart, beautiful or talented enough and are unlikely to be able to cope with the circumstances. Such thoughts are destructive. And the lower the self-esteem, the greater the consequences.
To change the situation, you need to reevaluate your opinion of yourself, listening carefully to the arguments in favor of your worthlessness: what are they based on - logic or solely emotions? Does today's lack of motivation mean that we will never again feel the urge to achieve; Is the recent missed deadline really evidence that we have never completed the task on time?
In the book Mood Therapy, David Burns gives specific tools for working with depressive thoughts: from conversations with the inner critic to finding the true problems.
Buy a book4. “Recipe for happiness: Take yourself three times a day”, Ekaterina Sigitova
It is very important not to confuse self-esteem and self-image. The latter is an idea of how we look in the eyes of other people: what kind of appearance, what kind of character, what are our strengths and weaknesses.
The self-image is based on facts and is absolutely neutral. It is given a positive and negative connotation by self-esteem - the emotional perception of one’s own actions and thoughts. The more rational a person is, the faster he can put aside emotions and focus on the actual self-image, the more stable his self-perception.
Fortunately, stability can be developed. Psychotherapist Ekaterina Sigitova combined her professional knowledge with her personal experience of overcoming low self-esteem due to a congenital skin disease and developed a universal scheme for healthy self-respect. It is built on the acceptance of all its characteristics through constant dispassionate observation and habituation. The book “Recipe for Happiness” is a ready-made instruction on how to achieve an idyll with yourself.
Buy a book5. “Shame: How to stop being afraid of being perceived the wrong way” by Ilse Sand
Often low self-esteem hides banal shame: for actions and thoughts, for choices made and not made, for weaknesses. Psychologist Ilse Sand, who worked as a clergywoman for many years, listened to many confessions about shame and pain, and she herself was more than once ashamed of her vulnerability. After that, she wrote a book about the nature of this feeling, its possible extent and consequences.
In her opinion, shame not always harmful. For example, it protects against gluttony and motivates to work on shortcomings. But more often, shame prevents a person from acting guided by free will, forcing him to voluntarily place himself within the narrow framework of public opinion and engage in self-flagellation. With low self-esteem, shame can consume us, so it is important to learn how to work with it.
The first reaction to a “shameful” act is to quickly forget about it. Ilse Sand advises doing the opposite and working through the situation. Understanding what causes shyness will increase self-esteem, reduce fear of the emotion, and give you the strength not to give in to it next time. To understand whether shame is bothering you or whether there is nothing to worry about, you should take the test that the author gives at the end of the book.
Buy a book6. “A confident person: 12 practical tools for getting rid of fears, complexes and anxieties”, Caroline Foren
Fear and confidence are two sides of the same coin, and everyone has the right to decide which one to choose. Communications specialist Caroline Foren is sure of this. Having survived an acute anxiety disorder, she moved on to the next step - gaining self-confidence. Caroline has collected the best tools that helped her believe in herself and bravely face mental difficulties in a book.
Among the methods are those that will allow you to hack the fear of failure from the inside, those that will teach you how to bypass it, and those that will explain how to turn fear into a springboard to success. The author also gives advice on how to learn to perceive failure without attributing it to the imperfections of your personality, and to see its objective reasons. After all, it is this skill that distinguishes low self-esteem from healthy one.
Buy a bookBecome the best version of yourself📚
- 10 books that will help you provide yourself with basic psychological support
- 7 books that will teach you how to resolve conflicts effectively
- 6 books that will help you better understand your emotions