What is rudeness and how to react to it

What is rudeness

Initially, boors were people of noble origin called them contemptuously “a person who belonged to the lower classes and was therefore deprived of human dignity.” But in the current understanding, this is a rude, ill-mannered person. Rudeness, in turn, is impolite, shameless behavior, which is adjacent to arrogance and a sense of one’s own impunity.

When you hear the word “rudeness,” what usually comes to mind are cases in clinics and shops, trams and government agencies. But it’s not just strangers who can behave rudely. This is often the case with acquaintances, friends and family members.

Being the target of rudeness is unpleasant, so it is important to know what is happening and how to deal with it.

Why are people rude

There are different reasons. And here it is important to decide: no one is a saint. There are hardly people who have never been rude to someone. It’s just that for some it’s a one-time outbreak, for which they later feel ashamed. And for others, it’s a lifestyle. That's why this happens.

Because emotions splash out

Imagine: a person got up early in the morning with a fever and went receive a passport to the other end of the city, because the recording is today. He spent several hours in line, was late for work, where his boss snapped at him. And on the tram on the way home, another passenger steps on our hero’s foot. Normally, in response to an apology, he would have smiled and said that it was nothing. But today he feels so bad both physically and mentally that he responds with rudeness instead.

Feeling disgusting is not an excuse, of course, but one-time rudeness does not make a person a boorish recidivist. Although there are other characters who also take out their bad mood on others. But the point here is not that their patience is full and they could not restrain themselves. They just don’t try to control themselves and immediately take out any of their dissatisfaction on those around them, because they consider themselves entitled to do so.

Because they assert themselves at the expense of others

The definition of rudeness contains the word “impunity”, and it is important. Often people are rude, trying to emphasize hierarchy. For example, the tired phrase “what do you want, there are many of you, but I am alone” is possible only in a situation where a person sees others in the role of dependent supplicants, and himself in the role of a distributor of benefits. A teacher at school can be rude to a child because it is believed that he should not respond symmetrically to an adult.

In this way, a person simply emphasizes his own importance: I can do everything, and what will you do for me?

Because they are trying to get better conditions

Rudeness is also a tool of pressure. For example, those same unpleasant people in queues behave aggressively not only because they are tired and trying to throw out their energy. Some visitors may actually be afraid of aggression and let the boors go ahead.

Because they want to be noticed

When children are small, the following situation occurs. A child does something good, but his parents don’t pay attention to him. Let's say a baby makes Easter cakes in the sandbox and asks his mother to watch. But she is tired, she does not have the strength to react. Although if a child hits a neighbor with a spatula, the woman will intervene in the conflict. This is how the behavior pattern of “mom pays attention to me when I do something bad” is reinforced in children. And he will reproduce it over and over again. And some with these installations and grow up.

Because they protect the borders

Despite the fact that the conceptpersonal boundaries” has become commonly used quite recently; some people have been well aware of them since childhood. And at the same time, we learned to defend them environmentally. But this doesn't always happen. Sometimes, especially if a person has just come to the defense of personal boundaries, he simply does not know how to react to their violation. And then he responds with rudeness.

How to deal with rudeness

Much depends on the circumstances in which you were rude, whether it was a one-time action or the person is constantly rude to you, and what you ultimately want to get. Strategies may vary.

Ignore

This often helps if you accidentally bump into a boor and never see him again. What will you get if you call a tram rude person to account? You just need to get home and spend the rest of the day in peace. Therefore, there is no need to stir up the conflict.

Contact the authorities

It’s a completely different matter if you encounter rudeness, say, at work. Or an employee of some institution is rude to you. This is unacceptable behavior that prevents you from being effective or achieving your goals. Moreover, providing you with services, for example, in a government organization or a store, is not a favor on the part of the employee, but his responsibility.

In this case, you can contact a higher level: your boss or store manager. Write a complaint in the complaint book.

It is worth reacting here not only because you were treated poorly. This is generally unacceptable behavior, and by actively opposing it you are not only protecting yourself.

Try to talk

This strategy will come in handy if loved ones are rude. Surely you are not ready to simply interrupt communication, but you also don’t want to be a constant whipping boy (or girl). It’s the last one that’s worth explaining: you don’t like the way you’re being treated, and you don’t intend to tolerate.

At first the person may react aggressively. Therefore, give him time to cool down and think about what is more important to him: communicating with you or defending his right to be rude. It may well be that he chooses you.

Be rude in response

This is a controversial option. On the one hand, some rudeness allows you to relieve tension not only for the offender, but also for you. On the other hand, there may be rudeness contagious, it tends to spread. It is no coincidence that observers often join any public conflict and everything develops into a verbal battle. Therefore, it is still better not to respond to rudeness with rudeness.

Stop communication

If all else fails, this is often the only way to regain peace of mind. Sometimes it may seem: well, this is just the kind of person that is worth being patient with. But any relationship should be calm and bring joy, and not give the feeling that you are swimming across a moat with crocodiles and don’t know when you will be bitten on the side.