How a motivational interview can help you convince your interlocutor without a single argument

What is motivational interviewing and why was it invented?

The name of the method reflects the principle of its operation. An interview means you ask questions, and it is very important to you what the interlocutor answers. Motivational means you start a conversation with the goal of finding out whether he needs changes and what will help this particular person take the first steps towards them.

The main rule of the method is not to try to convince a person, but to help him find his own arguments for change.

Motivational Interviewing Method appeared in the 80s of the last century. His came up with psychologist Bill Miller and addiction specialist Stephen Rolnick. They used this approach to work with patients who could not stop cravings for drugs and alcohol.

But the method turned out to be useful not only for patients with addictions. It is successfully used in working with people who are faced with cardiovascular problems. Interview help them to change their lifestyle and reduce risks. Moreover, so

work and with people who need to control their body weight, as well as with HIV-positive patients.

Psychologist Adam Grant in his bookThink again. The power of knowing about ignorance” writes that pediatricians in Canada began to use the method several decades ago. They talked to anti-vaxxers about whether their children needed preventive vaccinations. And the share of women who were willing to vaccinate their children grew from 72 to 87% after the interview.

Now this practice has spread throughout the world. Tens of thousands of doctors are being trained motivational interviewing in special courses.

Why use motivational interviewing in everyday life?

There are situations in life that different people evaluate differently. Often they do not see eye to eye on important issues: health and finances, raising children, choosing a life strategy. Mistakes in such matters can be costly. Therefore, in disputes, interlocutors try to convince each other. They give hundreds of arguments and fiercely defend their rightness.

But a person with a different point of view often does not hear the arguments. He has already formed his opinion, so he has objections to any argument. As a result, both remain in their positions. Moreover, everyone can be offended that the other did not want to understand him.

Let's imagine Yulia, who is a little over 30. She is doing well - she has a family and a good job. But the girl is very bothered by the constant feeling of fatigue. Even a vacation doesn't help you feel energetic. This condition has lasted throughout the last year, but Yulia does nothing to change the situation.

Vera wants to help her friend and begins to put pressure on her: insist that Yulia make an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. Indignant that she is so careless. Remind that this painful condition has been going on for too long. Talk about hidden viruses and lack of important microelements. As a result, Yulia remains silent and tries to stop the conversation. Well, Vera says that she is disappointed and does not understand at all what is in her friend’s head. The next time they will meet will not be soon.

If this outcome does not suit you, you can act differently. First, you should accept the fact that your opponent is an intelligent person and he had reasons to choose his position. Then it’s worth figuring out what reasons shaped his views. Try not to overwhelm your interlocutor arguments, but ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. Perhaps during the conversation he himself will draw conclusions that he did not want to think about before.

Motivational Interviewing Method will help make a difficult conversation less emotional and more useful for both opponents. This approach helps to find a common language even with the most ardent skeptics. Sometimes people who cannot be convinced by any arguments change their views.

How to Conduct a Motivational Interview

Here are the most important rulesthat will help make the conversation useful:

• Ask open-ended questions. Your task is to talk interlocutorso that he explains why he holds his point of view. And he told how, in his opinion, the situation could develop further. This cannot be achieved with closed questions that can only be answered with “yes” and “no.”
• Listen carefully to your interlocutor and try to see the situation from his point of view. If you started a conversation, it means you are really interested in the person's motives. Try to put yourself in his place, look at what is happening through his eyes. You will probably have objections, but now is not the time for them. But you can ask whether the interlocutor knows about some important argument and what he thinks about it. Or talk about a similar situation.
• Record and support the person’s desire to change. It’s unlikely that anyone would like to be stuck in a difficult situation for a long time. Usually a person wants to know if there is a way out and how to get to it. If your interlocutor talks about wanting change, support him and tell him that he has already taken the first step. If he is confused, ask what outcome he would like to come to. Then use questions to help him understand what he can do right now.

Your task is to hold a mirror in front of the person so that he can see both the situation and his own beliefs. And I thought it was time to reconsider some old principles. Or at least realized that he doesn’t know much, so there’s no need to be categorical.

This is how Vera, who wants to help her friend, can act. First, she should ask Yulia about what is happening in life and why she began to appear less often in the company of friends. Let's say Julia answers that everything is fine. But for some reason I ran out of energy, and even vacation didn’t help.

Then Vera may ask why her friend doesn’t go to the doctor. Suppose Yulia says: I don’t want to waste time on meaningless procedures - they also take energy, but in the end there is no point. The further dialogue could develop something like this:

“I wouldn’t want to go to the clinic either if I thought that I’d be wasting my time and it wouldn’t get any easier.” But maybe look good doctor? - Vera will ask.

- No need. I can do without doctors.

- Don't you like them?

- You see, every doctor tries to find a sore in the patient. Hit me over the head with a diagnosis. You go to your appointment and you’re healthy. Back - a patient who has to drink a mountain of pills. And that’s all - you no longer live normally, you just get treatment. I don't want it like that.

- When would you go to the doctor?

- When it gets really bad. But I hope it doesn't come to that. The body can repair itself. And he doesn’t need any diagnoses.

- Of course he can. But maybe we should help him?

- Don't know.

- Why wait until it gets really hard? What if the body just needs vitamins? Or a set of special exercises. Suddenly, just one little thing is enough and you will feel better. Consider seeing a therapist, okay?

What not to expect from a motivational interview

The method is not a miracle pill that will instantly turn your opponent into a like-minded person. According to Adam Grant, every fifth interviewee still remains unconvinced. But that doesn't mean he won't change his mind later.

In the case of her friends, Vera can tell how a timely visit to the doctor helped her or someone she knew. But the decision to see a doctor is Yulia’s. She won’t necessarily agree with Vera, but she definitely won’t forget her friend’s words. And maybe after a couple of weeks he will still undergo the necessary examinations.

Adam Grant wrote that one day a friend of his asked if she should come back to your former partner. The psychologist was sure that their separation was a mistake. But he did not reproach the woman and did not advise her anything - he only asked how she saw her ideal man. As a result, she herself came to the conclusion that it was better for her to return to her partner.

Motivational interviewing is not a magic tool. Perhaps the interlocutor will refuse to talk about a painful topic altogether. But it's worth at least trying.